I’m a failure. Please help. I feel sick.

[ToffeeKrisp]

I love my DD she’s my entire life I cannot imagine life without her. I cannot stop feeling like I’m failing her and my partner. She’s had an accident when she was staring to crawl when she hit her head and it left a permanent mark, then she had an accident where she hit her head on the concrete and today she hit her cheek at swimming. I honestly feel like from morning to night all I’m thinking about are these accident and the more I think about them the more they happen. I watch her like a hawk but these accidents just seem to be coming. She’s so 16 months and walking and is into everything. Im
worried because despite me watching her every move she’s still getting hurt. I must be an I believably rubbish mum and she deserves better than me. I can’t stop crying and feeling guilty.

Love the very accurate description of toddlers!!

DS1 was always covered in cuts and bruises as a toddler. I was worried I was a bad parent but then he started nursery and I believe he still holds the record for the most accident forms in one day. He has a small scar on his chin from an accident at nursery but you can barely see it now. Still a lot of bruises as it his quite active but thinking about it, I normally have a couple of bruises as I'm clumsy and bruise easily!

I have a life long bump on my head. It’s small and I forget it’s there.

One of my DC has a small mark on his face from a bad scratch he got when he was younger.
I hated the fact that he had it for ages...and then thought, well, is this small mark going to affect his life in any way? Will his life outcomes be any different because of it? The answer is, no, they won't, not at all.

The tiny mark your DD has will make no difference.
Toddlers fall all the time and get bumps.
You sound like you're watching her very carefully.
The most important thing you can do for her now is to relax and be a happy mum.

You're absolutely NOT a negligent parent. None of those accidents sound like anybody's fault to me - kids get bumps and bruises and small scars, it's part of growing up and learning how to use their bodies in space! DS2 TWICE went to A&E to have small stones removed from his forehead when he was 2, he went through a phase of falling forwards and trying to break the fall with his head. Usually I caught him in time, but not always, not being Superwoman. DS1 has a scar on his forehead from climbing out of his cot and faceplanting the floor - that one was definitely my fault, I'd delayed moving him to a bed because I was scared he would fall out!

Please be nicer to yourself. All kids do this, it's normal

At 16 months your DD is at the stage where her speed and desire to move around far outweighs her stability and ability to judge risk.

All children this age end up with bumps and bruises. This is how they learn about judging what's safe to do and what's not safe.

Being over protective and making all situations risk free doesn't really help. As she gets older her judgement and ability to balance will improve and the bumps will get less frequent.

I think this stage is harder on the parent than the child.

Also, if you're the main carer of course there will be more bumps with you simply because you are with her for much more time.

OP, in the nicest possible way you need to chill out and get a grip or you won't enjoy motherhood. You are clearly a good mum as you have a happy, healthy and curious child who is exploring. Bumps, cuts and bruises are par for the course in early childhood. Negligence would be leaving hot drinks within her reach, not supervising her near water, leaving knives out, letting her open the oven while it's on etc - not everyday accidents caused by toddlers finding their feet and working out how the world works.
Almost every single child will have some kind of war wound scar that they show off to their mates when they get to primary - she isn't going to stay smooth and unmarked forever. Relax!

You are worried sick and feel like this because you are a good mum. It's not your fault these things happen. Xx

Hi Op, I don't have any kids but i am a childcare worker and I promise you, you are not a horrible mum. Young kids are always banging, bumping, tripping, falling, and some little ones are just a little bit more clumsy than others.

Of course we try and protect them as much as we can, but the truth is we can't wrap them from head to toe in bubble wrap and they will sometimes get hurt.

And also there will always be times when we accidentally hurt them. I remember years ago I accidentally closed a door on a little one's hand. He was alright in the end thankfully and his mum was very understanding. When I left work that night I burst into tears when I got into the car and sobbed for a good 30 mins.

These things happen. It doesn't make you a shit mum or me a shit nursery nurse.

Please go easy on yourself, you're doing a great job.

My sister managed A&E three times in three weeks with her youngest. She was almost scared to take him the third time. He’s 22 now, at university and still accident prone. My middle son still has a dent in his head where he fell out of the car 24 years ago (it wasn’t moving). These things happen. You are not a bad Mum.

He’s said to be before that these accidents only happen when she’s with me and that they would never have happened with him.

And let me guess, he spends a lot less time in sole charge of DD than you?

Does he not understand how statistics work?

If when it comes to the total sole charge time DD is with one of you only, the split is that you spend 80% of the time with DD and he spends 20% (for example) then of course accidents are more likely to happen with you.

So are all the positive things.

Honestly, nice partners don't say shit like this. They don't kick you when you're down.

Mine has a dent in her forehead from walking into the edge of a door. I'm hoping it fades eventually!

@DearieMeWhatsUp how longs has it been since the accident?

She's 3.5 now, maybe 2 years ago, bit less maybe? I really wouldn't worry about it - you can't protect them from all accidents and it wouldn't be good for them for you to try.

I am a foster parent to a bump and bruises magnet 2 year old. There isn't a day go by where I don't have to log yet another bump/bruise/mark and some days. if I am really lucky, I get to document where the 2 year old has bumped/bruised/marked the 1 year old. It is what toddlers do. When one of my fosterlings moved to their new family they did so with their arm in plaster because they had broken their arm falling over in the garden (admittedly they did have a cushion over their head at the time). Kids fall over. Kids get bruises, a not bruised toddler can be a bigger concern than a toddler with bruises in 'normal' places because it can mean their world is being restricted and they are not being allowed to explore.

Both DC and myself were accident prone children. I have loads of scars from falling, bumping into things and so on. My dad and uncle were also both very accident prone including once dropping a full bottle of milk (the glass ones) on the kitchen tiles and then stepping on the shards, and once putting an arm through a large picture window to break a fall.

@Sunbun19 Thanks for asking! Yes I know it's not my fault, I mean I always knew, but it's hard not to be sad and down sometimes, and then you just end up stewing on it. I just give him all the love I can and look forwards, not backwards. Motherhood is a rollercoaster and I hope the OP can get through to the other side.

Around your DD's age, my DS had a massive bruise somewhere on his forehead for what seemed like forever, one healed he ran into something, new bruise, that healed, he fell over, new bruise etc etc , it never happened when he was with the childminder or at Playgroup and even I was becoming a bit paranoid, until the accidently hit in the face with the sparkly cowboy boot of doom incident

Which happened at Playgroup !

Perfect first response. To be honest the thread could have been locked after this

I hate to tell you but it gets worse at age 3 in my experience! On the plus side you're almost desensitised to it by this point

I have 3 dc's and all of them have had many accidents. The youngest was the worst but when you love your life at warp speed like she always did then accidents will happen. I feel awful every time but as others say they have just become family stories. I can't start listing them because some are so mad they are incredibly outing!!

My son fell out of bed one Christmas Eve when he was 2 or 3, hit his head on the skirting board and split it open. Had to spend Christmas Eve night in A&E having his head glued. His Christmas Pjs soaked in blood and now he has a 1inch scar on the back of his head which you can see whenever he gets his hair cut. If you'd have asked me at time I'd have said I'd never get over it. However 2 years later I'm ok with it. It was an accident and he's fine. We can't protect them from everything