Anyone NOT sleep train?

[Erella9]

Sat here cuddling my 7mo baby just thinking about his sleep

sometimes he wakes for 1 bottle only, sometimes he wakes for settling (not as much now he’s in his own room?)

but I’ve never ‘sleep trained’ and I don’t know if I intend to. I feel like baby sleep is complex - tbh adult sleep is!

teething happens , changes to routine, bugs etc. I’m just trying to go with the flow. Maybe it’s easy for me as I do have a good support system so DS is an only child so far and when he had a week teething and was up every half hour, my mum babysat him the weekend and let me sleep.

But did anyone else not sleep train? Or am I a shitty mum for not so far!

[Spottybotty20]

Nope, no need whatsoever. Just a whole made up thing to make you feel inadequate or make you think your baby isn’t normal. Great for selling books, apps and other gadgets to vulnerable and tired new parents. Actually cruel and probably damaging in the long term.
Bad sleep is a normal and necessary phase for babies, they don’t know we have developed beyond caves and they are t at risk of wolves and they need to wake regularly from deep sleep to make sure their breathing and heart rates are good. read this https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/coping-with-sleep-deprivation-as-a-new-parent/

my son was a terrible sleeper up to age 3 and now finally sleeps well. My daughter has been great from day 1 - I did everything the same so it was just how they were as babies. Not a reflection on my baby care skills as many seem to believe!

[BorderlineBob]

Nope. Never sleep trained. 2.5 year old was breastfed to sleep and back to sleep at every wake-up. We also co-slept. Now sleeps perfectly in own room. Sometimes wakes in the night and comes in to us (my favourite part of the night)…
Honestly I love it, I had a lot of anxiety about creating ‘bad habits’ before we just gave in and co-slept at 4 months and have no regrets! Life got much easier and happier when we stopped worrying about societal norms and just went with what worked for us as a family.

[HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd]

No. I have three and there is no way I ever would have done sleep training, controlled crying, feeding by the clock or any of that “impose your will on the baby” stuff. It just ran counter to all my instincts. You’re not alone in resisting it.

[FridayiminlovewithRobertSmith]

Could never have done that with my DC. I happily fed to sleep, then cuddled to sleep and they have been fine sleepers. When they haven’t slept well it’s because they are babies/tiny children experiencing normal developmental things like teething, separation anxiety or learning a new skill or having a nightmare. All very normal. Nothing in this world would stop me going to my children when crying.

DC are older and to reassure you they all sleep well and are happy, smart, independent and secure children.

[Skinnermarink]

As a nanny currently having to work to a strict Gina Ford schedule for naps/eating/sleeping, I would never impose it on my own. I don’t like it at all.

[SecondhandTable]

Hmm, I wouldn't say I sleep trained DC1 exactly because she was just generally a good sleeper right from the off and I don't think we did much to influence that. We did do a veryyy slow gentle gradual retreat method to get her to fall asleep independently in her cot though. So I guess that is sleep training but it wasn't actually to improve her sleep in terms of stopping wake-ups.

DC2 is 9mo, we've not done any sleep training with him really either and he's not such a good sleeper as DC1 was, but equally on the whole could be a lot worse. He typically wakes for two night feeds a night the last few weeks and other than that has generally been sleeping ok in-between and most nights goes down awake in his cot to fall asleep himself. So can't complain too much even if I am knackered from the night feeds (which are all breastfeeds now).

[johnd2]

Sleep training is not something you're "supposed" to do, it's a way of enforcing your own boundaries around sleep if necessary.
Ideally it wouldn't be necessary but when you get to that stage of being a walking zombie due to lack of sleep, some form of sleep training is necessary to get your life back.
In my mind sleep training will hurt your relationship with your child, but many things will so you have to make your best decision.
Good luck and hope you are enjoying life with your little one

[Veebees26]

The comments suggesting sleep training is cruel and neglectful are just ridiculous, if you don't want to do it then that's fine, it's not a matter of life and death so you do you BUT at least do some proper research into it and done at an appropriate age in a planned manner is fine, look into why HISTORICALLY it had been found to be neglectful and damaging but in very different circumstances from what a present and loving parent would be doing.

Personally I find it cruel and neglectful to co-sleep when it is so fucking dangerous, people who do it KNOW they are increasing their babys risk of death but do it anyway for their convenience, but it's socially acceptable for some reason.

[dm1818]

@shouldbesleepingnotscrolling

I didnt sleep train either of mine. Yes they take a bit longer to settle into a routine but they naturally find it and both had their regular nap times and bedtimes without the periods of crying.
I feel like people are in such a rush to push babies and toddlers into a routine to fit in with life, yes it can be tiring for us and you feel like it will never happen sometimes but personally I think its sad to ‘train’ their instincts out of wanting parents to reassure them when it will naturally happen when they are ready.
Not a popular opinion on here but thats my thoughts!

completely agree with you, i think it's cruel that people want to rush what is completely biologically normal for children. i'm completely against crying it out or sleep training. imagine if you were crying at night and your partner ignored you! most adults also don't sleep through the night and need things to help them sleep (cold pillows etc) but god forbid a baby to need them!

[Happytap]

@Veebees26

The comments suggesting sleep training is cruel and neglectful are just ridiculous, if you don't want to do it then that's fine, it's not a matter of life and death so you do you BUT at least do some proper research into it and done at an appropriate age in a planned manner is fine, look into why HISTORICALLY it had been found to be neglectful and damaging but in very different circumstances from what a present and loving parent would be doing.

Personally I find it cruel and neglectful to co-sleep when it is so fucking dangerous, people who do it KNOW they are increasing their babys risk of death but do it anyway for their convenience, but it's socially acceptable for some reason.

Planned co sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS

Planned cosleeping is the safest way for babies to sleep

where on earth are you getting that it’s dangerous from? It’s dangerous to fall asleep with a baby on a sofa or if you’ve been drinking/ if you smoke/ if you don’t breastfeed etc but planned cosleeping is safe. You just need to allow the safe sleep 7

also sleep training (aka planned neglect at nighttime) is much more socially acceptable than cosleeping or breastfeeding or doing anything that might inconvenience the parent

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

@Veebees26

The comments suggesting sleep training is cruel and neglectful are just ridiculous, if you don't want to do it then that's fine, it's not a matter of life and death so you do you BUT at least do some proper research into it and done at an appropriate age in a planned manner is fine, look into why HISTORICALLY it had been found to be neglectful and damaging but in very different circumstances from what a present and loving parent would be doing.

Personally I find it cruel and neglectful to co-sleep when it is so fucking dangerous, people who do it KNOW they are increasing their babys risk of death but do it anyway for their convenience, but it's socially acceptable for some reason.

Agree with your first part.
I personally find it awful parenting to have toddlers waking throughout the night routinely, rather than teaching them to self settle. We teach children to do so many things, for some reason “sleep” seems to rattle people.

[YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp]

Nope, I don’t think it existed when mine were young (40+ years ago!)
You just got on with it and did your best - somehow they (and you) survived!

[Skinnermarink]

With toddlers I think some take the cot sides down far too early. No need and they’re generally up until they’re about 3.5 in other countries.

[OnceAgainWithFeeling]

@Skinnermarink

With toddlers I think some take the cot sides down far too early. No need and they’re generally up until they’re about 3.5 in other countries.

DD coslept until about 9 months. She walked at 10 months and vaulted out of the cot (in a sleeping bag) at 17 months. She went straight into a full size single bed. She was one of those toddlers that had a compulsion to practice new skills repeatedly at night. It wasn’t safe for her anymore.

[BuffaloCauliflower]

@Skinnermarink

With toddlers I think some take the cot sides down far too early. No need and they’re generally up until they’re about 3.5 in other countries.

Oh just don’t have a cot, they’re not necessary. DS went from sharing my bed (with a side car cot for extra space but he didn’t spend much time in there) to a floor bed in his own room at 18m. Never slept in a 4 sided cot alone in his life.

[Skinnermarink]

I would definitely have a cot! I don’t co sleep as it just doesn’t work for us. DS had a next to me thing then own cot/room at six months.

[OnceAgainWithFeeling]

@BuffaloCauliflower

Oh just don’t have a cot, they’re not necessary. DS went from sharing my bed (with a side car cot for extra space but he didn’t spend much time in there) to a floor bed in his own room at 18m. Never slept in a 4 sided cot alone in his life.

We wouldn’t have bought one. We used an heirloom one because it was there. She generally started the night sleep in there then came in with me later.

[ShirleyPhallus]

@Skinnermarink

I would definitely have a cot! I don’t co sleep as it just doesn’t work for us. DS had a next to me thing then own cot/room at six months.

Yeah not recommending a cot is a pretty ballsy bad piece of advice!

[BertieBotts]

Of course you aren't a bad parent. Sleep training never made any sense to me either. I wouldn't teach them to swim by chucking them in the deep end. So I don't teach them to self soothe by leaving them to cry alone.

[BertieBotts]

I didn't use a cot for DS1 and didn't see the point of them at all They do make things annoying TBH. I have used one with the younger two mainly at DH's insistence.

[Skinnermarink]

Those who co sleep past 6 months or so- or when they can roll and move about, what do you do with your evenings? Do you go to bed when the baby goes to bed? Have a side up on your bed? DS being able to go into his own room and having our evenings back was wonderful, I couldn’t imagine going to bed with him at 7:30 for evermore. In fact 3/5 days a week I can’t as I’m at work until 8.

[ihavenocats]

It's not sleep training, the baby doesn't learn to sleep alone, they just learn no one's coming for them.

[ShirleyPhallus]

@ihavenocats

It's not sleep training, the baby doesn't learn to sleep alone, they just learn no one's coming for them.

Do you think sleep trained babies never cry again, thinking no one will ever come for them again?

[OnceAgainWithFeeling]

@Skinnermarink

Those who co sleep past 6 months or so- or when they can roll and move about, what do you do with your evenings? Do you go to bed when the baby goes to bed? Have a side up on your bed? DS being able to go into his own room and having our evenings back was wonderful, I couldn’t imagine going to bed with him at 7:30 for evermore. In fact 3/5 days a week I can’t as I’m at work until 8.

DD slept midnight till noon.

[BurrosTail]

It completely depends on how many times a night the baby wakes up and for how many weeks it lasts. Mine woke up minimum 7 times and sometimes 15 times a night, non stop for over 3 months, with not a single sleep stretch longer than 2hrs ever. There is a point where you end up with suicidal thoughts because of sleep deprivation, then each one of us would probably decide to sleep train rather than walk under a train.

A friend of mine was describing her boy an awful sleeper with 3 nightly wakes, which made me want to cry as that would have been a dream come true good sleeper for me.

So before we ask the question, let’s set out the scenario first.