Urg ... potty training going wrong, do I give up for now?

[prefernot]

HI, I've posted a couple of times about training my dd, 25 months. I decided to do it because she was interested and getting increasingly fastidious about her nappies.

So last week on Thursday / Friday / Saturday / Sunday / Monday I was quite casual, just got the potty out in the morning, after nap and before bed and she sat on it happily and got more and more happy about doing poos on it in particular, wees came a bit later.

Encouraged, for the last couple of days I've had her entirely nappyless except for nap and bedtimes. Naptimes she's woken up dry so think I could give that up, bedtimes is to sort out later I know. I've had her in pants and sometimes trousers. The thing is, she hasn't once told me she needs the potty. Today was worse than yesterday in that almost every wee was an accident which seemed to rather surprise her when it happened and she's getting quite upset about 'failing' even though I'm reassuring her. So that whereas at the weekend she sat on the potty happily, now she seems to be slightly nervous of it and there's been lots of tears today.

I think mentally she's ready for this but physiologically maybe I'm pushing her too soon? What should I do? Continue or give up for a couple of months?

Hi prefernot - well these days we tend not to put dd in nappies at all except for naps. But remember we're now about 6-8 weeks into this process (I really can't quite remember when we started, it seems like an age ago!). I'm feeling a bit nervous about tomorrow because we really will be out and about and dependent on public loos for a whole day - gulp - but am going to go for it, with lots of spare clothes. I wouldn't have done that a month ago. I reckon we used to put her regularly into nappies during the day for the first 3-4 weeks, until we got up some confidence.

I have a friend who continued using nappies for long train journeys many months after potty training! I guess it's whatever you're comfortable with.

I'm in E. Dulwich by the way. Are you local? We might end up ponging out the same train with our leaky offspring!

I hope it goes ok pidge! Let me know?

Yesterday was a disaster and to be honest, Elliott, I didn't manage to keep patient as much as I should've done. I decided by the end of the night to give up completely for a few months apart from maybe just casually getting her to wee on the potty now and then at home.

Today's been a bit better but this morning I took her to a playgroup she loves and put her in a nappy because I just couldn't be bothered with any more 'scenes'! Funnily enough she didn't wee in the nappy until we got home and had her potty in sight!!! Sigh ...

She's become quite constipated as well.

On January 10 she's due to start a small local nursery for 3 days, just 9am-12pm and so I've got to have resolved something one way or the other. I can't send her if she's doing what she's doing at the moment I don't think.

Ah well, we'll see!

prefernot - that sounds so familiar, just when you decide to give up and stick them back in nappies, they decide to become all competent on the potty front!

We had a two major triumphs at the weekend - on Friday before the trip to Oxford St - dd managed to sit on the potty and produce a poo - only achieved this once or twice before. Then she managed the whole day without an accident, including having to use grown up loos. Oh and she LOVED the little kiddie loos in Debenhams alongside the grown up loos.

Then on Sunday morning whilst I was ignoring her and doing something on the computer, she took herself off to our big loo, pulled up her step, got on the loo with no kiddie seat on, and the main seat up, and managed to produce a poo all on her own, without falling in or other catastrophe! Incredible. I can't tell you how far this is from the early days. Never thought I could get so excited about a poo!

So you will get there - and it'll happen most unexpectedly. January 10th is still quite a long way off - I would see how things go over Christmas before making a decision. Also the nursery will be well-used to this messy stage and probably far less concerned about it than you.

Your dd sounds like she's doing really really well, pidge!

I'm afraid to say that I decided in the end to give up for now. I imagine that if I did stick with it for a couple more months it would get better but I also thought that maybe if I started from scratch again in a few more months it might go better. The reasons for this are that I think dd's emotionally / psychologically 'ready' and wants to do it but she's physiologically not quite able to handle the wee side of things. She's been pooing well on the potty for quite some time. She was starting to get really upset and tantrummy about wetting knickers and clothes and even not wanting to sit on the precious potty any more when I asked her. Plus we're away at various different family homes over Christmas for almost 2 weeks and it will be impossible to do what we have been doing with her in someone's house. And finally there's the nursery. I agree that they'll be used to messy stuff like this but I'd rather she settle in there for a bit first and then I get the potty out again rather than her having to deal with 2 things at once.

I have to say I did feel a bit disappointed as I love her in knickers! But she's fine about nappies again for a while. I'll be really interested to see if those few months of physiological development make a difference. She'll be nearer 2.5 which is about average I think?

Thanks again ever so much for your kind support though and I really do think you sound as though you've cracked it with your dd! How old is she now by the way?

Oops sorry, should have told you I changed my name! I wanted something a bit wintry and Christmassy ... What do you think?

Lovely new name!

Sounds like you're doing the right thing - we completely gave up with dd when we went to Italy. The prospect of hotel rooms, and pooey knickers just didn't tempt me.

Yup - it seems we have suddenly cracked it. Amazing how quickly she seems to have got the idea. Dd is now 2 yrs 4 months.

Good luck when you retry in a few months - and enjoy a nice easy Christmas without potty stress!!

Pidge, do you think she might have got it lately because she's developed that bit further physically? My dd's now nearly 2 years, 2 months, so the age you started with yours I think? I'm sure that in another 2 - 3 months she'll get it pretty quickly. At least, I hope so! So does your dd now ask for the toilet etc.? As you see, I'm still interested!!

bluemoon - I actually think she was gradually getting the idea the whole time - there has been improvement from about 2-3 weeks into the whole process (which was the point at which I was the most despairing). I thought she wasn't very good at asking to go for a wee, but I've come to realise she can go quite a long time without doing one, so was probably legitimately not asking to go, and I was suggesting it to her first. I've become much more confident in her ability to judge it I the last couple of weeks, though I do still make her go if we're going out, or if I know she's very distracted (e.g. having too much fun to want to break off to go to the loo).

On the poo front - she just seemed to find it very hard. She would ask to go on the potty or loo to do a poo and then not produce anything, but 5 minutes later she'd want to go back. And this could go on for a couple of hours. Now I think through all this practice she's got to know what the real cues are and is getting good at judging when she really needs to go.

So I'm glad we stuck with it - and only really doubted whether we were doing the right thing at the 2-3 week mark of potty training.

Enjoy your break from it - I have been boring everyone with my toilet obsession! Dp even told a bachelor friend of his about one particular poo triumph - I'm sure he was thrilled!!!

It's really encouraging to hear your story, Pidge! I will definitely be trying dd again in a few months so watch this space ...