Urg ... potty training going wrong, do I give up for now?

[prefernot]

HI, I've posted a couple of times about training my dd, 25 months. I decided to do it because she was interested and getting increasingly fastidious about her nappies.

So last week on Thursday / Friday / Saturday / Sunday / Monday I was quite casual, just got the potty out in the morning, after nap and before bed and she sat on it happily and got more and more happy about doing poos on it in particular, wees came a bit later.

Encouraged, for the last couple of days I've had her entirely nappyless except for nap and bedtimes. Naptimes she's woken up dry so think I could give that up, bedtimes is to sort out later I know. I've had her in pants and sometimes trousers. The thing is, she hasn't once told me she needs the potty. Today was worse than yesterday in that almost every wee was an accident which seemed to rather surprise her when it happened and she's getting quite upset about 'failing' even though I'm reassuring her. So that whereas at the weekend she sat on the potty happily, now she seems to be slightly nervous of it and there's been lots of tears today.

I think mentally she's ready for this but physiologically maybe I'm pushing her too soon? What should I do? Continue or give up for a couple of months?

Semms very early- books recommend starting about 2, but some don't start till 3. My DD is 3.5 years, and not fully trained (still has accidents!), felt at two he could not really cope. Don't feel pressured. If they are ready, it takes only weeks (my experience!) If you do it before, it can mean a long haul and too many disappointments. Hopr this helps!

It's up to you.

But dd did almost exactly the same thing - got the hang of the potty but wouldn't ask. I persevered because I wanted to get it done before winter (there is no autumn here ). We had about a week of it, but then it suddenly seemed to click. What helped was that I let her sit on the toilet (like mummy!) instead of the potty, so the whole thing became an adventure - we had another phase of lots and lots of false alarms.

If I were you I would keep trying for another week or so - if it's still not working then maybe leave it.

Senora, how old was your dd?

joshy, I thought it was young-ish too and hadn't planned to do it until she was closer to 2.5 or so but I was spurred on by her interest and keeness to do it and her growing hatred of wearing nappies. In the last few weeks she's wanted me to change her after every wee...

pn - dd was 26/27 months. She wasn't particularly showing an interest, but I didn't want to wait till next summer (no central heating, and not enough winter clothes!)

At one point I did put her back in anppies for a day - just to take the pressure off. Not sure if it helped or not but the overall accidents-all-the-time period definitely lasted no longer than 2 weeks.

Trouble is it can be a source of souce of aggrevation ie ; dO YOU TAKE A POTTY IN THE CAR OR NOT ? I found that this was better with slightly later training - but i'm sure some do it before. I recommend training pants and it may be good for your DD as they can be actually removed by the child - like pants, but offer protection of a nappy. My son loved these - he had some micky mouse ones ! Got to pants quite quickly from this. They are cheaper at Superdrug and Boots have their own brand !

I think I'll see how it goes tomorrow and Friday and then decide where to go on Saturday. I'm happy to wait for a few more months to be honest.

I tried with ds1 at 27 months, as he showed all the "signs and interest, plus it was summer etc.

He did brilliantly for 3 days and then sort of lost interest, so after 10 days I decided to stop. The novelty factor wore off and he wasn't really interested/bothered in the benefits of not needing a nappy.

So, I took the advice of my younger sister who had her boys long before me. She said wait until he's closer to 3 - it will be much quicker and relatively painless. So, I left it until he was 33 months and it was all brill, sorted within 3 days.

well, I ahve to say my ds1 didn't ask for the potty or go spontaneously for quite a while after he was 'potty trained' - basically I had to manage it for him and we could avoid accidents if he went often enough. With hindsight it might have been better to have waited a bit longer - he has definitely developed physiologically in terms of control and anticipation (he's nearly 3 now)- although even now I still remind/insist on going to the toilet at specific times, and if I know he hasn't been for a while - but I found it very hard to go back once we were out of nappies (and anyway he wasn't having so many accidents that I felt we shoudl abandon it - I'd say most days were dry and poo accidents have been very rare). Its a tough call - I'd say your dd sounds nearly ready, if you can deal with the accidents without getting stressed out then keep going - maybe try to get her to go more regularly if she is willing. Or you could put the nappies back on but regularly sit on the potty just to keep her used to it?

Thanks everyone. I'd more or less decided to abandon doing it now until she's older but when she got up this morning her night time nappy was almost dry and when I asked her to sit on the potty she did and did a wee very quickly. Then I had to take her to the GP with a cough so I put her in a nappy. We were out for 1.5 hours and she didn't wee once in the nappy. We got home and I asked her if she'd like to sit on the potty, she did and did quite a bit wee so I think maybe she was waiting to do it in the potty? I'm quite confused now. In a way I wish I hadn't started because you're right it is hard to go back now and she's very very keen to do it. On the other hand I don't want her feeling upset about 'failing' when she has an accident. We're going to stay home this afternoon and give it another go, then dp's on duty tomorrow so I'll get him to see what he thinks.

prefernot - we've been training my dd for a month or so now. She's not great at asking to go, but she will usually sit on it when asked to. And the accidents have decreased dramatically - I too got a bit despairing after a couple of weeks when we had a whole series of wet and pooey trousers! But she wasn't stressed out and still liked going on the potty and talked about it, so we kept going and she does seem to be getting the hang of it. We've even had two poos in the potty recently!

So I would say if she's keen and interested - just keep it relaxed and go with the flow (so to speak).

We did resort to nappies for trips out for a fortnight or so, but fairly rapidly got up enough confidence to keep her in pants, taking the potty out if it was a long trip with no loos in sight.

Main thing is that the kid is happy.

I was thinking of starting training my dd over xmas, she will be 27 months and I have almost 2 weeks off work. However she shows no interest at all in the potty, has never even done a wee in it! Is it too early do you think?

Pidge, how old is your dd?

CD, why don't you do some preliminary stuff with her first. Although I'm not a big big fan Gina Ford's little book on potty training is very helpful, it gives a first stage and a second stage. You could try the first stage now and if it works go onto the second stage over Christmas?

I think maybe I have unrealistic expectations of dd. Because she's bright and chatty I often go along with things she wants to do or thinks she can do without thinking hmmm ... is she really ready? I think maybe I've done this here, got carried away with her keenness but maybe it is too soon ...

prefernot - she's 2yrs months - so minus one or two months from that for when we started (getting a bit forgetful now!). The whole thing was prompted by our childminder who pointed out that dd was always talking about wanting to go to the toilet and copying the older children there. So we gave it a go. As I said, I got a bit despairing of the whole thing after a couple of weeks. But we've kept going and I'm pretty happy with things. She's not 100% there, but is generally dry unless I forget to ask her if she needs a wee for ages. And the poo thing, finally, after weeks of grimness, appears to be getting there!

Good luck!

Pidge, 2 years how many months? You missed the crucial number!

Dd's got a bad cough and I was going to give up altogether today but as she's been eating nothing and drinking only a bit and we've been housebound I kind of continued. She's had no 'accidents' but she's still not once taken the incentive to sit on the potty herself and has relied on me putting her on it.

Hmmm .....

what about trying a reward for asking for the potty? Do you ask her or just put her on it - if you ask, can she tell the difference between when she needs to go and when she doesn't?
I still think she is doing pretty well and you may be expecting a bit much for her to be taking the responsibility at this point.

Thanks elliott. She's not bothered about 'rewards' in the sense that she doesn't really like chocolate (or any food for that matter!!). Her best rewards seem to be praise, especially if Big Ears and / or Noddy come to see what a clever girl she's been. She literally glows with pride at that.

I don't know if she knows the difference yet about whether or not she wants to go. I think this is the crucial point to define in terms of whether to continue or not. If she doesn't then maybe I should give her body a few more months to develop? Usually I remind her the potty's there and she ignores me if I ask her if she needs it. When I put her on it she almost always does a wee. With poos she's had a couple of near hits in that she's started to do it and yelled 'potty!' but always got there a bit too late .

ds1 has stickers as rewards, which he loves, I think mostly because they are a tangible symbol of the praise. I don't do chocolate rewards

I found that taking the iniative came later, and is still a bit hit and miss (often he will leave it too long, then rush to the loo very quickly and I'll find a little wet patch on his pants)

I don't have anything useful to add to your other thread, except taht my experience was similar to frogs and coppertop. I did find this the most stressful part of potty training - we managed to get into a bit of a conflict situation about it - Iwould ask, he would refuse to go, then he would have an accident and I woudl get really cross with him - which I know is a Bad Thing - and I did learn to back off as much as I could, whilst subtly still making sure that toilet visits were built into the routine. I think if you can remain calm about accidents, and if she is happy to go at your suggestion (try not to make it too frequent, that was probably one of my mistakes), things will get better pretty quickly.

Sorry prefernot - gosh I'm in dippy pregnant mode at the moment. Dd is 2 years 4 months, so was about 2 years 2 months when we started.

She's still not brilliant about taking the initiative. But loves the whole process. She shouts "Big wee wee" or "Teeny wee wee", and is all too keen to report to friends and complete strangers on her pooing habits .

We have a similar thing where she says she doesn't want to go, but then will produce a wee if I put her on the potty. So now I have a few rules, like we always go to the loo before meals, and before going out anywhere. She's just beginning to sometimes ask herself to go on there, but that has taken a couple of months.

Her fave reward is either raisins or a dried apricot. But I'm restricting those now to when she does a poo, as that is our main challenge at the moment.

Good luck. Again my main advice would be - is she happy and are you happy. If so, just keep going and see what happens.

Thanks everyone.

I'm finding that if I do just make things a routine event it does go fairly smoothly. Asking her is still not working (dp apparently asked her today, she said 'no' and then did a massive wee on the floor immediately afterwards!).

I don't know if we're both 'happy' at the moment. I must admit I do find this 'not knowing what she's going to do next' side of potty training probably makes me a bit stressed which I'm sure she picks up on. And she's sometimes ok about doing a wee when I put her on the potty and sometimes makes a bit of a fuss. I just don't always get it right, that's the problem. I think she must really need on by now, sit her down and she does a tiny trickle, other times I think she's probably ok and she's clearly been bursting to go!

prefernot - yup I've learned that if we say "Do you need the potty?" she will invariably say "No!" regardless. So I just try to put her on at regular intervals. Am getting better at guessing how long she can go, and being more relaxed in between.

I know what you mean about the uncertainty of it all - I hate that too. Nappies were just so easy! I took her to the supermarket on Saturday and idiotically didn't take her to the loo before the long walk home, so we ended up with poo in trousers. Dd just went really quiet and subdued, I think she was very sad about it even though I didn't make a fuss. In fact I told her several times it was silly mummy's fault for not taking her to the loo.

I think what I meant by 'happy' was ... make sure she's not getting really stressed out by the whole thing. If she's still interested, and seems pleased to do wees in the potty once she's prompted, then you're going in the right direction. The other thing I did with dd was buy some more 'big girl knickers' with little bows on, which she seemed delighted with.

hi yes

we were late traing our dd properly fulltime 2 8mths

have found using key triggers help like putting on potty before or after meals or before we go out and when we come back as our dd has been out of nappies now about 3mths but still doesnt always tells us

best to try a wide variety of tips and see what works but it does take time these days now fore some reason

all the best

If it's any consolation, I think feeling stressed and havin ups and downs when potty training is pretty normal. I think you should continue as your dd clearly has some idea.
My ds3 (aged 21 months) likes sitting on the potty while I am running his bath as I noticed he always wees when he gets in the bath. He sits on the potty grinning away and writhing with happiness but never wees. Then I put him in the bath and the wee is almost instantaneous! Now there is a kid who has no idea what is expected of him!

Thanks all!

I haven't had a poo accident yet. I await one though ... ... probably while sitting at pristine hyper-critical MIL's table for a meal.

I think you're all totally right. I've just got to get it through to dp who is convinced that our super-brainbox little angel is capable of anything! I'm sick of asking, she's sick of being asked but the fact is she needs to use her potty so therefore for the time being I have to decide for her, no?

Pidge, my dd does that going quiet thing when she has an accident, too. I feel really sorry for her.

hi there, yes I think its a question of too high expectations, fuelled by stories of 'if they're ready it will be really easy' and 'my dd/ds was potty trained in 2 days and never had an accident since' Or perhaps I got it wrong and if I'd left it 6 months it WOULD have been really easy. who can say. I did find the whole thing really stressful though, and sometimes got it wrong and got cross, but here we are having survived, not too many accidents really in total and its just not an issue now (mostly).

prefernot - just wait - the poo will out! My dd managed the most amazing poo spectacle oozing out of her tights at my MIL's house!! What a happy moment.

Elliott - like you I've often wondered if we'd left it whether we would have been 'done in 2 days'. But generally I'm glad we went for it - dd was giving all the right signs that you're supposed to look for. And after some moments of despair in the early weeks, and some heart-sinking moments over poo expolosions, generally we're headed in the right direction. That's the thing to keep your eye on - it's easy to get frustrated that progress isn't faster, but if you think back to what they were able to do 2-3 weeks ago, often you'll find they've made huge advances.