Dear Memum,
I understand. My toddler is pushing my husband and i towards divorce. I'm not joking. He is the greatest annoyance either of us have ever met and has totally put us off ever making this mistake again. By the end of the day i am so totally pissed off by our 2.5 yr old boy deliberately smudging cheese slices into the clean floor,emptying the last of our headache tablets down the loo and deliberately tearing up that university assignment i've spent the last 10 days doing that my husband and i just argue and argue. I am left feeling like my husband and son take so much more from me than they give me. My toddler has blown his chances of having a sibling. I definitely won't do it (and i'm 34 now).
In summary - I know what you mean about the violent thoughts and unfortunately, my boy has pushed me to hurting him when he has pushed me too far (eg, me grabbing a fist of his hair etc when he deliberately empties a cake packet mix all over my newly cleaned kitchen floor etc).
Don't feel bad. Don't believe what this child worshiping culture tells you, that the child is always right and the parent is under permenant judgment. The child is a guest in your house, they are lucky to be there, by your invitation. Just don't let that anger push you too far when they test your boundaries, remember you do love your child.