Have I neglected my 3yo?

[Alicewither]

My DS 3.5 is short. I’m short (5ft) and his bad is 5’9, both families average height. For example, my mum is 5ft 1 but my sister is 5ft 10 so it balances itself out.

DS has never eaten much, I don’t think he’s actually ever ate a whole meal. For example, today he had
Quarter slice of butter on toast
Whole large apple
2 marmite and butter crackers
2 mini potato waffles
1 mini pot of custard
1 twister ice lolly
2 jammy dodgers

obviously this meal list sounds ridiculous and only sugary foods, I’m not stupid. He was offered other things at every meal and this was all he ate. For example, at lunch he had cheese wrap, carrot sticks, cucumber, yoghurt and potato waffles on his plate. All he ate was the waffles, which I’m extremely grateful for as at least it’s something savoury. His pudding was the ice lolly and he asked for more so he had some custard. Didn’t eat his dinner but sat at the table. Anything he eats is a win, and he needs to put on weight so fatty foods are good right now. I’m not concerned about his eating, if he was hungry he would tell me.

He also sleeps 7-8 hours at night, no nap. But so full of energy 24/7. Always been this way.

anyway, the thing I’m concerned about is his size. He’s 27lbs and 86cm, off the chart for his age. Not even the 0.4th centile for height. He was 8lbs 8oz when he was born. 12-18 months trousers, 2-3 for tops and jackets.

Do I take him to the doctors? Am I overreacting? Have I been neglectful to not worry about this?

I’d also add most of the advice on this thread is the exact opposite of what dieticians advise I.e encouraging or pressuring children to eat, ‘hidden’ vegetables, not serving safe foods. We were strongly discouraged from doing any of these things by medical professionals

The problem is he's not eating protein, my dd was the same so drank meal replacement drinks twice a day (prescribed) to ensure she got the right nutrition. I also think you need to not put the favourite foods like potato waffles there when a cheese wrap was the main course. Obviously they can have favourites some times but not at the expense of balance. Have you tried offering a "dip" many kids will eat for instance mini sausages if they can dip them into a sauce. Also do you eat with him? My fusspot would eat wraps if we all were eating them and she built it herself but not if I put it on her plate made

I agree that the lack of sleep is significant, far short of the recommended 10-13hrs for that age range. I don’t think you sound neglectful but seems like you have just gone with the flow and let him lead what’s going to happen in some respects. This is appropriate in some areas but he needs adult help to learn about healthy habits and routines. Fixing the sleep will be hard but pick a consistent routine and stick with it for as long as it takes to getting him sleeping by 8. Definitely a check over from GP for advice on sleep, and agree with others to put boundaries around the treats.

Yes this is what I’m worried about. He was 8lb 8oz at birth born at 39 weeks, not sure about length.

my brother has an under active thyroid so runs in the family which I didn’t realise can affect height, but he doesn’t have other symptoms

@Bluffysummers but this child isn't a child that needs a safe food. He's a child who just doesn't have a bit appetite.

OP you’ve got 2 avenues you need to pursue, please don’t follow general advice on how to feed your child from MN that’s he ‘should’ be eating such and such, you know that or you wouldn’t post and you don’t need to feel worse.

you qualify for a referral to a paed dietitian based on faltering growth (this might take a while, but if you want to PM and I can recommend a good private one who charges about £150)

you also qualify for an endocrinology referral. Endo wise they won’t do anything treatment wise before 4 but it’s good to be on their radar. HGH can decrease appetite.

in the interim ask your dr for a FBC with igf1, coeliacs and importantly iron, low iron can cause behaviour and sleep problems and hamper appetite so it becomes a viscous cycle

Firstly there is not a hint of neglect from you so please don't beat yourself up.

When I compare to my 3.5year old, it seems a lot less but a one day snapshot doesn't reflect his life and all children have up and down days. The sleep worries me more if I'm honest

All advice on here is well meaning but some of it is appalling and definitely not the approach to fussy eating, it's clear some posters haven't encountered true fussy eating in their lives. Go see your GP, they can offer better advice and refer we here necessary.

There are lots of hacks to getting calories into their food whilst avoiding sugar, adding butter or cream wherever possible is one I used but better to see a health professional too

Just observing my niece and nephew, the trend for several foods on the high chair tray or plate and they choose what to eat isn't helping, I battled with dd1 but there was no finger foods at every meal, mine used cutlery from babies so had whole meals if you know what I mean - in you example I'm thinking make a wrap with every in it and present that rather than letting him pick

But the core is the same, it’s picky eating. We need to get out of the mentality that some foods are inherently good and some are bad.

calories are what children needs, they can come from any source, yes of course it’s preferable for them to come from whole foods BUT for a fussy child or a child with faltering growth calories are first and foremost and then nutritional gaps can be plugged with a multi vit. It’s not ideal but whilst the foundations are being laid for good eating it’s a needs must situation.

Right so he’s fallen down the centiles, when did this start? How did he track as a baby?

you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, you are a fantastic mother- just in case you needed to hear it :) xx

I think there’s about 5 different foods his dad would actually eat.

is it any wonder this boy eats such a restricted diet when his father has such a laughable diet.

it takes real effort during weaning. Soul destroying lunches where the food you have lovingly prepared is dismissed, where you deal with mess and tears (often your own) but…. It invariably means that with sustained effort day in and day out your child develops a well rounded and highly nutritious diet. As a parent I think got is one of our most important jobs. Yes easier to reach for the waffles but ultimately- it’s a cop out

I was a tiny, skinny child who ate like a bird and whose parents had me assessed by paediatrics because they were concerned about my weight and height. (Both my parents were doctors themselves, just for reference.)

Paediatrics concluded I was perfectly healthy, just on a maturation curve about 2 years behind my actual age (and one half of my genetic heritage does tend to the short). In my teens I started to eat a wider range of foods and also developed a perfectly normal womanly body. As an adult I remain short but healthy and strong, and I eat practically everything. Hope that provides some reassurance.

Op there is a direct correlation between food and growth, they need nutrients to grow. You should absolutely be worried about his diet. The list you posted in your op shows a little boy who had no meals. Literally no lunch or dinner. It’s shocking to see.

it does sound like if he doesn’t want to eat good food he doesn’t have to, he knows he will get a biscuit or some other sugary crap instead, at three he is unable to make dietary decisions based on his bodies needs. He will just go for the crap, like any kid, if they can. He knows if he doesn’t eat it, he can get the crap instead.

as he is declining in the charts, and potentially failing to thrive, I think you need to seek medical help to understand is this because he isn’t been fed properly or is there another issue going on.

I repeat, for the 3rd time, I am not concerned about his weight or eating

come again?

yu are not worried about his eating? Op his diet is abysmal

the pathetic five foods that your partner eats. I’m guessing they are of the beige variety?

To answer a few questions

He goes to a private nursery and is offered a hot nutritious meal there ie curry, roasts, pasta. He usually only eats one thing off the plate like garlic bread, sausage, and sometimes nothing at all. So it’s not me or what I offer him. He loves snack time there (fruit, crackers, breadsticks) so we do that at home too. He had a dietician then who wasn’t concerned with his weight or eating.

He had CMPA (diagnosed) until 2 so never had cows milk till then which could of affected his growth. I breastfed him till he was 22 months.

He’s active, very full of energy and doesn’t really get tired. He has a multivitamin.

His weight is ok for his height and age, it’s the height that concerns me after my family made comments about how small he is. He gets mistaken for a 1 year old.

My 2 yo recently became fussy with food. I offered alternatives so she wouldn’t starve (she’s also very small) but realised this wasn’t the best approach. I stopped offering alternatives and made her wait for her next meal/snack time and she soon realised she wasn’t going to get alternatives and began eating what was offered.

They are not stupid OP, they know exactly what they are doing. I’d stop offering the alternatives and I’m sure he’ll soon start eating better.

His sleep sounds poor probably because he’s not eating well. If he eats better, he’ll sleep better thus he’ll start growing.

You're not neglectful, it’s hard when they don’t eat what’s offered then you feel bad and give in but stick to your guns.

If you only offer him one food (and food) will he eat it? So if you just offered an orange or just offered a sandwich?

Ps. I reckon you already regret posting that list of food, but I ate tiny quantities of a restricted list of food. My diet was composed in large part of sweets and plain white rice. As an adult I am if anything a health and fitness freak. I think the fact that I grew up in a household that understood and tried to role model healthy eating was more important than what I actually ate aged 2-10.

‘Op there is a direct correlation between food and growth, they need nutrients to grow. You should absolutely be worried about his diet. The list you posted in your op shows a little boy who had no meals. Literally no lunch or dinner. It’s shocking to see’

I don’t think you piling it on is helpful.

yes for the first 2/3 years of life and then it’s largely genetics and even in the first 2/3 years of life there still can be a pathology that hinders growth so it’s not that simple, genetic conditions and deficiency in hgh for instance. This is why it’s important to ascertain when her child starting to drop centiles, my guess is after 2 as it wasn’t picked up in the 1 and 2 year checks and that largely points to a problem with HGH as they typically start to fall, when nutrition isn’t enough to carry their growth and the lack of hgh affects appetite too

It may be that he is just small and will hit a growth spurt soon and rocket up. That does happen.

but you are concerned. You offer him a good variety of food, he is meeting developmental milestones. So it isn't neglect.

I would contact doctor, don't specify food other than "healthy range of food offered" and that he is fussy. But make sure they understand the lack of growth and family medical history.

You're doing well with him.

Honestly, I don’t know.
red book was lost, we haven’t seen HV in a long time. He hasn’t been to the doctors since he was a baby apart from jabs. However I did find a message I sent April 2020 to his dad saying he’s in 12-18 months clothes. Which he’s still in for trousers, over 2 years later. That’s why I feel bad about it, I should have noticed sooner.

Are you getting fresh fruits and vegetables in him every day? At least two different kinds? This would be bare minimum. He needs vitamin C every single day, and that comes from supplements of fruits and vegetables. If he's not getting that his immune system can't work.

Blend one tin of tomatoes, half an onion, three cloves fresh garlic, handful of green olives, half a carrot, salt and pepper and half a red pepper.

Pour into pan, add layer of pasta, add cup of water. Lid on, cook until pasta is cooked.

This red sauce is healthful and you can get it down the pickiest of eaters.

I don't know how he's not starving on what he's eating. My 9 month old eats much more than that in a day. She'll have a good three quarters of a slice of toast.'

Your first baby? Their appetite as a baby and toddler are two very different things. A toddler is a whole new ball game believe me. They also eat loads as a baby as growing so fast/growth spurts but it slows. Ds2 was a fantastic eater as a baby and ate everything. He is now 2 and is fussy despite me weaning him on all homemade nutrition foods, toddlers are notoriously fussy.

Op has your little boy had ears, nose and throat checked at gp? I say this because my already fussy 2 year old became worse and very similar to yours. It seemed more than typical toddler food fussiness and his breathing sounded congested.
It turned out he had tonsillitis and enlarged adenoids. He is on antibiotics and doing better already.
💐 from one Mummy to another, I understand how stressful it is.

@milkmaiden I make tons of hidden vegetables sauces/mashs/broc cauli cheese/lasagne/veg pot bake meals you name it. My first dc would eat it all this way. However my 2 year old won't eat them. He is more likely to eat cream cheese pasta with peas, mini carrots etc and even then not every time.