Have I neglected my 3yo?

[Alicewither]

My DS 3.5 is short. I’m short (5ft) and his bad is 5’9, both families average height. For example, my mum is 5ft 1 but my sister is 5ft 10 so it balances itself out.

DS has never eaten much, I don’t think he’s actually ever ate a whole meal. For example, today he had
Quarter slice of butter on toast
Whole large apple
2 marmite and butter crackers
2 mini potato waffles
1 mini pot of custard
1 twister ice lolly
2 jammy dodgers

obviously this meal list sounds ridiculous and only sugary foods, I’m not stupid. He was offered other things at every meal and this was all he ate. For example, at lunch he had cheese wrap, carrot sticks, cucumber, yoghurt and potato waffles on his plate. All he ate was the waffles, which I’m extremely grateful for as at least it’s something savoury. His pudding was the ice lolly and he asked for more so he had some custard. Didn’t eat his dinner but sat at the table. Anything he eats is a win, and he needs to put on weight so fatty foods are good right now. I’m not concerned about his eating, if he was hungry he would tell me.

He also sleeps 7-8 hours at night, no nap. But so full of energy 24/7. Always been this way.

anyway, the thing I’m concerned about is his size. He’s 27lbs and 86cm, off the chart for his age. Not even the 0.4th centile for height. He was 8lbs 8oz when he was born. 12-18 months trousers, 2-3 for tops and jackets.

Do I take him to the doctors? Am I overreacting? Have I been neglectful to not worry about this?

And perhaps you are over offering on his plate, so he is overwhelmed. Try small portions (you can buy plates with different sections for carb, protein, veg in ratio). Some kids are grazers and prefer little and often, or to eat a main meal at lunchtime/tea rather than evening.

Does anywhere near you offer the HENRY course? (HV or .children's .centre may know) Are you eating with him to model behaviour and share the foods you eat? Let him watch you prepare family food and join in choosing what goes on his plate.

Definitely seek medical advice. If he was previously on the 75th and has truly dropped as low as you say, it’s a serious red flag.

Not neglectful at all OP you're clearly concerned about his height but I think there's a few things in the mix that would cause me concern as they're all interlinked.
As others have suggested I'd speak to HV or GP to get some professional advice.
My dd is the same age. At the risk of sounding unhelpful but just for reference she sleeps about 10-12 hours a night. You must be exhausted.
When my ds went through a stage of not wanting to eat at meal times I found having a 'picnic' and eating together on a mat helped. Or sticking out little exciting looking nibble boards did the trick just to get him to eat something!
Best of luck OP.

What utter drivel. Dairy does not make people taller 😂 OP please ignore this post

Def not neglect!
I would be concerned by the sleep. Mine have always had less than the recommended amount but still generally have more than your son. My boys have ADHD so are on the go a lot and struggle to get to sleep/ constantly distracted. Lack of sleep can have quite the impact on the body and behaviour.

Mine also have sensory issues so food has been a struggle. Is your son upset by what is being offered? If you serve a standard meal and he doesn't like much there does he get upset?
I completely agree fed is best even if it's not the best most nutritious food. I spoke to a consultant about one of my boys who is dropping percentiles and getting more restrictive (he is now 7) and the advice is just to get the calories in him in whichever way we can (in our case big bowls of cereal!). I have tried the 'you must eat X before pudding' but tbh when they start losing weight my expectations of what they must try diminish and I'm just happy if they eat! One son would be distressed if he 'couldn't' eat anything but the other doesn't get hunger signals as clearly so just wouldn't eat. You say def no autism but are there other sensory issues? Both the eating and sleep could be related to sensory issues.

If you are off the growth chart (and have dropped percentiles) I would consult a paediatrician/dietitian. I doubt much will come of it - maybe that's just your unique sons way but worth checking. You actually have 2 issues - sleep and growth and one might be linked to the other.

no, please don’t do this. No encouragement to eat it will make it worse.

Vitamins won’t do shit when his macro nutrients are sugar with a side serving of sugar.

Op, please check out the Nhs website about human growth hormone and contact your Gp. It is unlikely they will do any assessments under age of 4 but at least they can put you on the list.

Does he like pasta? For my veggie refusing, carb loving kids, I make pasta sauce- red/tomato sauce with tomato, peppers, courgette, onion and mushrooms blended into it and white/cheese sauce with cauliflower and butternut squash blended into it. They love it!

@Bluffysummers I'm just saying reduce the initial offering. If the waffles aren't there he'll likely eat something else on his plate. I'm not saying don't give him anything else if he doesn't eat the initial offering, but any kid will pick waffles over veg. It'd be the same as putting ice cream with his fruit - he's likely to go for the ice cream first. So offer the fruit then follow up with ice cream...

Not neglectful, but I’d be more worried about his lack of sleep than his eating tbh. He needs at least 10 hours in one way or another. Definitely take him to the GP.

There actually is a link between dairy consumption and height, which is hardly surprising since calcium builds bones.

A diet rich in cheese and milk is one of the reasons scientists think the Dutch are the tallest nation in earth.

www.fishersci.com/us/en/education-products/publications/headline-discoveries/2015/issue-3/why-are-dutch-people-so-tall.html

@GetThatHelmetOn I think your post is spot on. If a kid has a very small diet it’s even more important that the things they are eating are nutritious. Almost anything is better than processed carbs and growing children needs lots of protein.

I would definitely call the health visitor / doctor for some advice. I found my HV had some good advice about food.

I had a similar thing in that I suddenly noticed DD had lost weight. What helped us was smoothies for breakfast. I looked up ‘weight gain smoothies for toddlers’ and found one I could try. After a few weeks DD loved it and would drink most of her serving.

Sorry but you’re wrong. It’s well meaning advice from a good place but it’s wrong.

it’s really important for fussy eaters to include a safe food at every meal. You can’t assume a child would eat it just because it’s there. Follow any paed dietitian on Social media for confirmation

encouragement is not good either it puts too much focus on food, most kids will dig in their heels and refuse

@Bluffysummers I'm sorry but you're wrong...

I don't need to follow people on social media who tell you to put a pudding on the same plate as a meal.

If you offer a child their favourite food they'll pick it every time. She's offering a lot of different foods for a child who doesn't eat much. He's going for his favourite which is fine. If she doesn't offer the waffles, there's a good chance he'll go for something else. She said he's fussy with meat but hasn't suggested he's fussy with other foods. If he ate the waffles he probably then wasn't hungry for anything else. If she offers him the wrap and veg and he doesn't want that she can give him an alternative.

When I said encourage I didn't mean verbally encourage. I meant only giving him the options of the other foods without the easy option...

"just ensure he has his 5 a day"

I am sure OP has never come across such a wondrously helpful piece of advice before

Just do that OP. Simple!

But seriously, speak to a professional.

My son was very short aged two (0 centile). We were seeing a paediatrician regularly for other problems he was having and she tested for a few potential height related medical conditions (blood test). It turned out he was coeliac, which can affect height. Since having the correct diet he has gone up several centiles. Worth doing the tests.

The other thing I've found useful with my fussy eater is a divider plate. You get them at B&M store. When my DD won't eat anything from a normal plate she will still try things from her divider plate.

Except I’m not, well your advice flies in the face of every paed dietitian I’ve ever met and I’ve met quite a few.

offering a safe food is a different league than just offering dessert for meals

@Alicewither that is quite a drop, if he likes things like ice lollies, can you make your own with the lots you buy and make smoothies from fruit and veg?

*kits

Our daughter stopped eating at one and dropped down the percentiles. We had a dietician referral from the GP. What really helped and has completely turned her around was the organisation Solid Starts, they are an organisation of leading medical specialist in childhood eating and specialise in picky eating. I’d really recommend having a look at their Instagram story reels ‘picky eating’ and ‘our story’ to see if you can relate.

Our daughter went from eating a couple of things a year ago, now at two she happily tried three new foods yesterday which I never ever could have imagined a year ago! She is also catching up again and is only one clothes size behind now instead of 3!

Where's the protein in his meals?
You haven't neglected him, but he should be eating meat, chicken, fish and eggs. Would your little boy eat:

scrambled or boiled egg with toast
a glass or milk or Weetabix/porridge with milk
Ham or chicken sandwich
tuna with salad or jacket potato

I remember having to do that, I used to use re wipes from Annabelle someone??