Have you declined a visit from the Health Visitor before?

[pedropony76]

I was outside with my 7 week old DS when my mum called and told me the health visitor turned up for an unannounced visit. Just for context, my son was in NICU for nearly 6 weeks and has only been out for a week. The health visitor called me a few times and when a receptionist called to book in an appointment, I asked if I can bring the baby to the health centre instead of having the HV do a home visit. I’ve only seen the HV twice with my 13 month DD and genuinely do not see the point of them.

When the HV left, I called her and asked how come she had turned up at my house as I wasn’t expecting her. She confirmed that we didn’t have an appointment but said she wanted to come round to see the baby and do the usual checks. She also said she needs to confirm the baby has a cot and is living in safe conditions (??). I said that I’m happy to bring the baby to the health centre but will decline home visits as I don’t see the benefit to them. She said she has to do a home visit as this is my first child and he’s been in hospital for all of his life. I told her this was not my first child but indeed my second (no clue why she doesn’t know that.)

Anyways long story short she’s said that as I’ve declined a home visit then she’ll have to escalate this and tell the safeguarding team and also my GP. I have no problem with that as I literally have nothing to hide, I just don’t see the benefit of them. I wanted to ask if anyone’s ever declined the visit of a HV and if anything has happened as the result of it? She made me feel as if I was being dodgy/doing something illegal by declining the visit and sounded as if she was trying to scare me into her letting her come round. All very bizzare tbh

I declined the HV for my second child because she was incompetent and rude when I had my first. I told them exactly why I was declining when they called to arrange to meet DC2 and I never heard a peep from them again. But I'm in Scotland, so perhaps different here?

Oh sorry just wanted to add that my son actually has his 6-8 week check up tomorrow at the health centre. He also had a check up with one of the nurses in the NICU yesterday. So it’s not as if I’m against my DS ever being seen by health professionals. I simply do not want them in my house because there’s literally no need. I just want to enjoy my baby and have any appointments done outside of the house

Yes. It was fine.

Yes, I got quite cross with the health visitor for dc1 and cancelled a third meeting with the horrible judgey person. For dc2 I just said a firm 'no thank you, no need, bore off'.

I had an HV tell me Once she would refer me to ss if I wouldn’t let her visit (and no no previous involvement 🙄)

Yes.

At the 4 week check up the HV told me that dd was overweight and needed to be put on a diet.

She had already been exceptionally rude about "not loving your child enough because I opted not to BF. It wasn't a choice. I was heavily reliant on opiate pain meds that cross the barrier so I had no choice but to FF amd it was all over my notes.

At almost 9 dd only weighs 25kg. She is definitely not now nor ever been overweight.

I told the bloody woman to get the hell out of my house after the second incident.

I attended my 6 week post birth gp check up and burst into tears. The GP reported the HV for her behaviour.

Thank you for the comments. Nice to know that it’s not just me that feels the need to not have any involvement of the HV after having DC1!

@BiscoffSundae that sounds exactly like what she wanted to tell me deep down. She made a point to keep saying that she’s referring me to the safeguarding team like okay??? I have nothing to hide so why do you keep mentioning it

I can understand why you are reluctant, they are often incompetent busy bodies, neither use nor ornament (not all I stress, some are brilliant). Is it really worth the stress though? My house has never been show home, it's just not really a priority for me, but as long as its cleanish and safe and you have the appropriate equipment for the baby, I don't see why you would kick up a fuss. Let them come round, have a nosy, probably lecture and teach you how to suck eggs and have done with it.

Even when I had awful pnd and really needed the support because my mum had just died I had 2 visits and never heard from them again, even though they promised all sorts

I did. She was really rude - got a knitted boob out to insist that I should breastfeed. In fact my mum (who happened to be visiting at the time) told her to leave 😂. Next time round they sent me someone else who was lovely, but kept getting my name wrong. By the second child I took no notice of what they said anyway.

My midwife home visits were far more helpful, and friendlier, and more knowledgable.

It is not a legal requirement...make an official complaint...

Many years ago i had one turn up at my door to ask whether i had a baby in the house and why she did not know about it...my neighbour who hd a baby at the same time had casually mentioned it...she came around all guns blazing...

Little did she know i had a health visitor from a completely different area...she thought i had concealed a pregnancy!

Health Visitors are registered nurses and or midwives, who have done a lot of extra training. They study child health, child development, breastfeeding, weaning, sleep, mental health problems, and much more. Health Visitors now have a degree in public health and they are also nurse prescribers. They run the child health clinics and can advise on local amenities such as children's centres and parent and baby/toddler groups.

Health Visitors hold a caseload of families with children under five and they work closely with the GP. Even parents who decline services, remain on a Health Visitor's caseload and there is a lot of pressure from management for that Health Visitor to see every family. This is due to the serious safeguarding issues, that hit the headlines. If a child is abused or murdered, one of the first questions that is asked is "when did the Health Visitor last see the child". So you can see why a Health Visitor might make every effort to visit a family.

It’s worth noting @pedropony76, that HVs get a lot of criticism on Mumsnet, pretty much like MILs. I’ve worked as a HVs for many years and never had a single family who refused our service. I’ve helped countless families through some very tough times and as I worked in the same area, I am now visiting some of the babies as new mums.

Please remember that as with everything, the quietly satisfied families don’t become keyboard warriors, using every opportunity to bang on about something or other.

Give your HVs a try, you have nothing to lose and much to gain.

I said it on here before but you get the usual people who assume you must be lying and there must have been some previous concerns but I had never met her before! She said I was “being difficult” and “refusing to let her see the baby” of course they will make out there own concerns to validate reporting, I wasn’t being difficult at all I told her it was my daughters birthday (older child) the day she wanted to come so I wasn’t able to see her on that day that’s when she came out with I’m being “difficult” she had to see the baby by that day etc, I ended up seeing her in the end as she bullied me into it and I didn’t know legally I didn’t have to she sat in my house for 2 hours on my daughters birthday, I chose never to see her again after that

I declined with DC4 who was in hospital critical ill when she rang, I told her what was going on and that I was declining their service anyway. She then turned up at my home 2 days later where shocking there was no baby because she was in bloody hospital.

I'm sure their is some helpful HV but the ones I've encounted have been useless and insensitive.

@dollymuchymuchness they may have extra training and be nurses or midwives, doesn't stop some of them being absolute mentalists, same as the aforementioned professions (worked with a few shite nurses and midwives in the past).

You have to realise they need to check that you're not one of the ones they then go on to spend 90% of their time on.

Of course those mums also probably say "Why on earth do you need to visit?"

I opted out after poor care with baby number one. Would have opted out earlier if they had tried to bully their way into my house or inspect upstairs.

I had a health visitor for my first who gave me some really crappy breastfeeding advice. I found her very opinionated and overbearing about pretty much everything.

Had the same one 2 years and figured it was easier to just let her visit than have her be all bombastic about me saying no. I don't remember much about it other than that it was summer, she was wearing sandals and no socks, took her sandals off at the door and then tucked her legs under her and rubbed her bare sweaty feet all over my sofas.

I'm not madly houseproud at all but I don't like house visitors anyway and thought that was just rude, really (I subsequently did a peripatetic job involving house visits to vulnerable clients and would never have dreamt of doing this).

I guess my advice would be if it's easier to tolerate her for half an hour than to argue then I would do it. I certainly never heard from mine again after that one token visit.

OP, you are not obliged to accept a service and engage but she was only doing her job to come round. It might be the case that she has to report the situation to safeguarding and the GP but thats more for the reason that it needs to be clear who is receiving the service and who isnt

We wouldnt accept a referral in solely because a mum had refused a HV service so dont worry.

@dollymuchymuchness I think if you have had a bad experience with one sadly we all get seen as the same.

Ours wasn't great criticised me as a young mum and tried to direct me to services that weren't relevant to me. I was under 25 when I had DS so in our area I got extra visits until he was 5! In the end I asked to be transferred out of the young mums caseload and the second one was much better.

If you had a bad experience last time OP it might be worth explaining to them why your declining and asking if you can meet with someone else.

@dollymuchymuchness totally irrelevant comment tbh. Have you seen me bashing HVs at any point during my post? I said that I fond the home visits completely non beneficial. Nowhere have I doubted their knowledge or credibility. Everything that they do at a house visit, I can have done at the local health centre. There’s literally no need to come to my house hence why you’re able to decline visits.

This post is not a HV bashing thread or a ‘what’s the point in a HV?’ I’ve simply asked if anyone else has declined having a HV come to their house. That’s all

Yes and I was referred to SS who phoned me and asked why I'd refused a visit I explained she had turned up unnannounced just as I was leaving to go out and had been quite unpleasant when she realised I wasn't going to cancel my plans for her.
That was an end of it.

She also said she needs to confirm the baby has a cot and is living in safe conditions

Do they even do this? I had my HV visit for newborn DD2 a couple of weeks ago. She didn't go past the living room (she didn't ask to) and didn't check where DD slept or anything. The HV I had for DD1 didn't do that either. Do some HVs inspect the whole house?

@dollymuchymuchness What a tone deaf comment.
A lot of MN posts are about HVs because many of us had crappy experiences with them behaving like little tyrants and treating us like shit.
Maybe try paying attention to the complaints rather than giving out patronising lectures

She was doing her job but turning up unannounced is quite unprofessional to me. Especially turning up unannounced when you know I’ve said that I don’t want a home visit. My baby’s just come out of NICU for God’s sake, she needs to give me a break. I didn’t anything would come from the escalation to the safeguarding team but thank you for the reassurance.

As someone else said, in my case I always found the check ups from the midwives to be way more beneficial to those of the HV.

I declined all future HV visits after the first one, with my second child. I also binned the ridiculous assessment questionnaire. Absolutely no repercussions.