Have you declined a visit from the Health Visitor before?

[pedropony76]

I was outside with my 7 week old DS when my mum called and told me the health visitor turned up for an unannounced visit. Just for context, my son was in NICU for nearly 6 weeks and has only been out for a week. The health visitor called me a few times and when a receptionist called to book in an appointment, I asked if I can bring the baby to the health centre instead of having the HV do a home visit. I’ve only seen the HV twice with my 13 month DD and genuinely do not see the point of them.

When the HV left, I called her and asked how come she had turned up at my house as I wasn’t expecting her. She confirmed that we didn’t have an appointment but said she wanted to come round to see the baby and do the usual checks. She also said she needs to confirm the baby has a cot and is living in safe conditions (??). I said that I’m happy to bring the baby to the health centre but will decline home visits as I don’t see the benefit to them. She said she has to do a home visit as this is my first child and he’s been in hospital for all of his life. I told her this was not my first child but indeed my second (no clue why she doesn’t know that.)

Anyways long story short she’s said that as I’ve declined a home visit then she’ll have to escalate this and tell the safeguarding team and also my GP. I have no problem with that as I literally have nothing to hide, I just don’t see the benefit of them. I wanted to ask if anyone’s ever declined the visit of a HV and if anything has happened as the result of it? She made me feel as if I was being dodgy/doing something illegal by declining the visit and sounded as if she was trying to scare me into her letting her come round. All very bizzare tbh

Yes I did. Dd1 was in nicu for 4 months and came home permanently tube fed. On HVs first visit she talked me through weaning. I declined all further visits.

I declined all HV appointments (with my 2nd DC)...was told they would be referring me social services (now called Children's service). Told the snotty (she really was!) women to go ahead.

I'm a social worker for the same LA.

Never heard anything.

Thank you, this is basically my point.

No one is obliged to be under the care of the health visitor so I don’t see why someone refusing a home visit (for something they don’t have to take part in) would warrant an escalation to the safeguarding team.

As I said, I have absolutely nothing to hide. I just want to be at home with my two babies without hearing opinions from someone who literally knows nothing about my newborn and the problems that he still has. It doesn’t make sense. I just wanted to ask around and see if anyone else had been referred for declining a visit. It doesn’t seem if anyone has been so maybe this HV is being OTT or following the correct procedures. Who knows

I never did. All of my kids were NICU babies, when I said I didn’t want HVs they just said oh okay and didn’t come. Absolutely bizarre OPs has reacted this way, even with a NICU baby

I’m surprised you say they are mostly about safeguarding, ours has also been invaluable in believing me when I thought DS had something wrong and being his advocate despite the GP telling me over the phone he sounded fine: she saw the problem, really cared and escalated it and kept ringing the hospital to make sure he had an appointment within two days . She‘s been respectful and warm and just lovely and someone nice to talk to about DS and check things with (and he’s our 3rd). I did tell our last one I didn’t think we needed more visits very early on though when had a more straightforward time but this time I’ve found her a great support

Yeah this is like me, if I need help I’ll ask for it, I don’t like the presumptuous and imposing nature to just turn up and think you have a right of entry to my home. It offends me. I know how to care for a baby and don’t need to hear generic advice from a HV that isn’t relevant to me and my kids. You’ve done nothing wrong OP, your HV sounds ridiculous. I’m sorry she’s being like this.

You aren’t obliged to engage with her OP.

You can turn it down and it’s not a safeguarding concern so SS won’t do anything - the only reason the night respond would be a case where there was domestic abuse or parenting concerns and the mum had declined the HV service - but that doesn’t sound at all relevant to you.

I remember telling my midwife I hadn’t taken to the health visitor and wasn’t sure I needed her…the midwife said I could decline. As a first time mum I didn’t quite have the confidence to turn down the service “just incase I needed her” but never did need her..she just annoyed me with her very patronising manner.

Youve had a baby op, you don’t need any more stress than that! If you are confident you don’t need HV then stick to your guns and prioritise the things that are important to you x

@ChickpeaFlour that is lovely to hear. In my area HV numbers have been cut so much they do not have time to do this.

Thank you so much for the most recent comments, you guys have been really kind!

My son has quite a few issues and is under the care of the physiotherapist, occupational therapist, neurologist and genetic testing team. He has so many upcoming appointments that I literally don’t have energy to be sitting around with a HV who’s giving advice to issues that aren’t helpful to my son. I thought it’d be a simple, ‘hi thanks but I’m not interested in any home visits from the HV however I’m more than happy to take him to all his usual checks at the health centre.’ Clearly not!

I’ll keep in mind that I haven’t actually done anything wrong here and I’m sure nothing will come out of the referral as there’s no actual concern. I have a good relationship with my GP so I know there’s always help and advice available anyway

This was part of my issue as well! My NICU kids had so many appointments - physio, neurology, paediatrician. I didn’t need a health visitor as well.

Give your HVs a try, you have nothing to lose and much to gain.*

My HC told me my baby wasn't sleeping well because I didn't love her enough.

I lost an awful lot by meeting her, it made me desperately unhappy and worried at a very vulnerable time.

But why should she? She doesn't want to. End of, surely?

You just reminded me, he’s also under the care of the dietician haha. The list is bloody never ending.

But exactly! I think the reason why I didn’t want it this time is because I really just want to have some sort of normality. He’s been in hospital for nearly 2 months, I don’t need an unnecessary HV to come round and add to all the pressure I’m already feeling. I’m exhausted lol! He’ll have his check up
tomorrow and I know everything will be okay seeing as he just had one yesterday. There’s no need for someone to come round do the exact same thing that will be happening at the 6-8 week check up. It doesn’t make any sense

Exactly! You just want to feel like a normal parent! I felt like I’d already been “robbed” of the normal birth and subsequent experience with my kids and so when they came out, I just wanted to get on with it like a normal mum.

I understand some people might want the additional support, but refusing it should be seen as just as valid. This makes me angry on your behalf, because I know how it feels and there’s nothing wrong with feeling that way!

I went to the doctor about something with my 2 year old and he said that that was up to my HV to deal with and that they should do a referral. So I think up to school you are under the Hv whether you like it or not.

I do remember them asking if I had a cot and I said yes. They didn't ask to see it, which was lucky as the side was off and it was butted up to my bed, tied on with cable ties. Prob not ideal.

I'm not a fan of the HV, as one turned up unannounced to tell me my child has a genetic condition whilst I had a friend over. Now it was and is nothing particularly bad, but of course you expect not the hear anything after those heal prick tests. Or for them to actually phone first. It was a bit of shock and obviously friend was listening in, but anyway.

Yes thank you. I’m so happy there’s someone here who gets exactly what I mean! A little bit of normality will be nice haha. Thank you for understanding xxx

She seemed to be quite rude to my mum and was also passive aggressive to me over the phone so I bet I’ll have some sort of update when I see her tomorrow🤦‍♀️

@wherestheegg where did I say I didn’t like it? I know the HV looks after a child until their 5. All I’ve done is decline a home visit. I haven’t said I never want to hear from them ever again…

No, the service is opt out. You are allowed to opt out if you want to. Most people either don’t know this or choose not to.

I've never declined a visit from a health visitor but some years ago one declined to visit me because there was a smattering of snow on the ground and she didn't feel it safe to do so.
Coming from a family of health professionals working in the community for whom this light covering of snow wasn't seen as a deterrent to visiting people at home her refusal to leave the clinic didn't go down well, and all the more so because she made clear that she was happy for me to bring my new born (plus 3 other little ones ) to her.
I know that much of the work of Health Visitors now revolves around safeguarding but Ive not had much respect for them since.
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With my DD the first HV was awful- made me feel really anxious, was very judgmental and just a generally odd woman. This may be outing to anyone who knows me but she sat on my sofa and let out an almighty fart during our first letting whilst staring me in the eye. She was really weird. I then (not for that reason for loads of reasons) asked to be moved to another one who was so so lovely and helpful.

The only reason I'd say let them visit is to stop it escalating for you into stress you don't need, but I agree you shouldn't have to see them.

I wish I knew I could decline them when ds was small. I had no problem with my HV I just couldn't be arsed with the appointments. She was here 3 times in the first 7 days then broke it to every 4 days for a couple of weeks. I was exhausted. And tbh I probably wouldn't have had as bad pnd because I'd have been leaving the house more not staying in waiting around kn the HV.
One morning I slept over the app time. I rearranged and missed that after another sleepless night. I had 3 missed calls and a voicemail. It sent my anxiety through the roof when I seen my phone I thought they were going to report me to SS!!
Next baby I'll let them do initial weights but if all is ok I'll say no like you op and only do appointments in the surgery

I will decline HV visits when my second arrived. My first gave me out of date, wrong advice and if I want proper advice I'll ask my midwife.

Not sure if anyone is still watching this but my son had his 6-8 week check up today. Lukcily his assigned HV wasn’t there but with a HV who was much nicer.

Because my son was in NICU for a little while, no one jotted his weight gains/loses in his red back as they use their own system so the HV only had the weight he was at birth and the one from today. Comparing that with their chart, it seems that he’s dropped a percentile. He’s already on a prescribed milk which is higher in calories to help him put on weight but they want to weigh him again in two weeks.

The HV told me that I’d have to have the appointment with his assigned one (the one who said she’d escalate to safeguarding) and I asked if I could change the HV as I wanted another one. I was able to change with no problem. A few hours later this same HV calls me asking why I’ve requested to change to someone else and repeats that she’ll still be reporting me to the safeguarding team. This woman seriously sounds unhinged🤣

She booked my son in for his weight check up in two weeks and now I’m praying the HV gets changed before that time so I don’t have to have it with her!

Honestly I would consider making a formal complaint via PALS. This is threatening behaviour and even if nothing happens it will at least be on record. It could be that she's intimidating others too, and if it's a pattern of behaviour it needs to be properly investigated.