Have you declined a visit from the Health Visitor before?

[pedropony76]

I was outside with my 7 week old DS when my mum called and told me the health visitor turned up for an unannounced visit. Just for context, my son was in NICU for nearly 6 weeks and has only been out for a week. The health visitor called me a few times and when a receptionist called to book in an appointment, I asked if I can bring the baby to the health centre instead of having the HV do a home visit. I’ve only seen the HV twice with my 13 month DD and genuinely do not see the point of them.

When the HV left, I called her and asked how come she had turned up at my house as I wasn’t expecting her. She confirmed that we didn’t have an appointment but said she wanted to come round to see the baby and do the usual checks. She also said she needs to confirm the baby has a cot and is living in safe conditions (??). I said that I’m happy to bring the baby to the health centre but will decline home visits as I don’t see the benefit to them. She said she has to do a home visit as this is my first child and he’s been in hospital for all of his life. I told her this was not my first child but indeed my second (no clue why she doesn’t know that.)

Anyways long story short she’s said that as I’ve declined a home visit then she’ll have to escalate this and tell the safeguarding team and also my GP. I have no problem with that as I literally have nothing to hide, I just don’t see the benefit of them. I wanted to ask if anyone’s ever declined the visit of a HV and if anything has happened as the result of it? She made me feel as if I was being dodgy/doing something illegal by declining the visit and sounded as if she was trying to scare me into her letting her come round. All very bizzare tbh

I'm a Health Visitor, you do not have to have our services. Please remember the majority of us are great! My Health Visitor with my 2nd was dreadful and I refused to let her in my house, its kind of the reason I went into Health Visiting. As with a lot of professions we have targets and managers on our backs about why we haven't visited etc etc. Sometimes we turn up if we can't get hold of people but you don't have to let us in. We get moaned at if we visit and moaned at if we don't. We're damned if we do and damned if we don't. I'm wondering if NICU were concerned that you didn't have a cot? They often pass the buck to us. I have never checked that someone has a cot, we give you evidence based advice, what you choose to do with it is up to you.

And the preaching starts. The OP doesn't need the HV involvement and she doesn't want it. It's abhorrent you are trying to guilt trip women into having someone they don't want come round to their house, to lecture them, when they are feeling vulnerable.

As a healthcare professional, I'd expect more empathy from you.

@pedropony76 shes just doing her job at the end of the day; home visits are normal and actually of huge benefit where there potential is a problem or safety issue at home… I’m sure she would rather not spend her time escalating because you don’t see the point, and I doubt very much she determines the process she follows regarding the visits and where they take place… HVs get a bad rep but most are lovely well qualified and well meaning NHS staff who can be immensely helpful to lots of families.

If they knew that you had declined the service yes, she shouldnt have come. However unannounced visits are perfectly normal process within HV, SSD, education etc.

What happens if you agree then change your mind later on and opt out? Is that more of a red flag ?

No I don’t think so, after the first visit home visit they are usually at the health centre going forward (in my area anyway they don’t do another home one after the first) so doubt they keep tabs on who shows up at the health centre and who doesn’t

Definitely didn’t get that info from NICU.

This HV called me three times whilst DS was admitted. Everytime she didn’t have a clue what was going on and would say, ‘I’ll contact the hospital to find out what’s going on.’ She didn’t even know he was out of hospital until she knocked on my mum’s door today!

I'm not getting into a pile on HVs as I think most are probably quite helpful and knowledgeable. We only hear about the dodgy ones.
However, mine gave me into trouble for having my make up on for her early morning visit. Apparently I was putting far too much pressure on myself.

I wasn't. I just like having my make up on.

I'd also tidied the house which was wrong too🤔

I think HVs get a hard time on here though and it usually isn't deserved. The pressure to tick boxes and safeguard must be huge.

I would put in a formal complaint. This is an optional service and you are under no obligation to accept it. Threatening you with SS doesn't feel very optional! Turning up unannounced, after you have declined the service is bloody rude and I wouldn't be standing for that.

I must admit I can see their point tbh.

Im not suggesting for a moment you would harm your child OP, but there have been some horrendous cases lately and if a check can potentially help a child I don’t see why you’d refuse.

Im confused by the reasoning because I have never shown a HV where my babies are sleeping. We've maybe discussed it and I've described their sleeping conditions but not actually shown them

I'm going to go against the grain here. Whilst I didn't find them much help and see your point, we have a serious child safeguarding problem in this country. I believe all children should be seen in the home environment. It may be a waste of half an hour to you or I but if it saves another baby somewhere else it's worth it?

My old neighbour was a health visitor and used to ask some weird questions to me like "does baby have tea in her bottle" I said "no that's mad who does that" she looked at me and said "I'm so sorry it's common in the area I work in so I always have to ask it to then talk them out of it!"

I’m not sure that HVs do much for those children needing social services. Haven’t the worst abuse cases involved children already having regular visits by social services? A health visitor referral wouldn’t have changed anything as they were already in the system.

@WarmWinterSun but think of the many many children rescued from abuse or whose families have been supported so that abuse never occurs. A health visitor call to a home can be the first step in that process.

I know some of them are dreadful, but some are wonderful and many are good enough.

Yes I declined for my third as I couldn’t see any benefit of the HV. Total waste of time

I think this post shows the lack of acceptance that a whole network needs to protect children, there needs to be as many eyes on children at risk as possible, education, SSD,, HV, neighbours, police, other services, which ever is appropriate

Too often, other services drift off and opt out if there is a social worker, who are not always able to get over the threshold at times. Or perrhaps they do make it over the threshold and make an error of judgement/dont spot something vital that time?

There are lots of terrible cases, some who already have social services oversight and some where there wasnt, some are very young children, some are teens who might have harmed themselves or others (not relevant to HV obviously but just talking generally about the types of cases where harm is to or from a child)

I did with dc2.

HV wanted to make an appointment for 11.30. I explained that that was they time that dc had lunch then they went straight to bed so if they were running at all late then we’d need to rearrange.

HV turned up at about 12.20. Dc was fast asleep in bed. I invited HV in but declined to wake dc. She asked was I refusing her visit. I said no and that she was welcome to go and see dc asleep in their cot but I wouldn’t be waking them.

i don’t recall seeing her again!

@Floweredfrogs @JazzyBBG

I’d like to know what experience you’ve had with a HV that makes you think me declining a home visit will put a stop to potentially helping a child. In my experience, my last HV went straight to my living room and that’s it. She stayed for about 45mins, weighed the baby and asked questions such as ‘am I breastfeeding’ ‘how much ml of formula is the baby taking’ ‘do you think they have reflux/colic’ ‘are you having any low moods’ etc. ALL these questions can be asked and will be asked tomorrow at the 6-8 week checkup. There is absolutely no need to come to the house.

Like other posters, I was actually confused when the HV mentioned checking the baby’s cot etc as that’s not something I’ve experienced before. It was as if she was talking to the wrong person.

I’d also like to remind people that I haven’t posted on AIBU. I’ve posted on Parenting to ask whether people have declined visits from a HV before. I’m not here for a HV bash or for a safeguarding and abuse derail thanks

My mum was actually quite shocked when the HV said she doesn’t have an appointment and was coming to explain procedure even though she knew I didn’t want a home visit. She thought it was actually quite disrespectful.

I agree that I’m under no obligation and the fact that she kept on highlighting that she had to report it as if I’m doing something wrong was all quite strange… I’ll be seeing her tomorrow at his 6-8 week check up so I wonder how she’ll be then

Not a derail! HV visits are mainly about safeguarding. You expressed surprise at her referring to ss, people are seeking to explain that.

The HV role is now mainly a safeguarding role. Refusing to let her into your home (you have said you will see her, just not at home) will raise concerns that your home is filthy or dangerous.

Yes. I’ve never seen a HV with my kids, I don’t see the point. Never been reported for it. What a ridiculous reaction.

Also just as a reminder for a lot of people on this thread - health visitors are an optional service. No one is obligated to see them at all, let alone have them in your house.

It’s quite normal for the health visitor to check in on a baby that has had a long NICU stay, lots of people would struggle with the transition to parenthood after having such a fragile, sick baby who needed 24hr specialist care.

@pedropony76 she saw your house was clean and safe.