Reassure me about having a newborn!

[toastedcat]

I'm due my first in 8 days and feeling nervous, excited, hopeful, but mainly terrified! I can't help but read the "I've ruined my life" threads and worry about what is to come.

Please can we have a thread about life with a newborn from a positive angle? All the things you enjoyed, how it compares to expectations, any tips for making it through?

The "I've ruined my life" threads almost universally come from people who either had unreasonable expectations of how it would be, or absolutely useless partners, or both.

You will be exhausted. That's a given. But this is your first baby so there is absolutely nothing to stop you spending most of each day snuggled up in bed, doing skin to skin and breastfeeding, with snacks and a box set. I have the fondest memories of doing this with DD1.

Rest as much as you can before hand.
Lower your standards at home for a while.
Accept help offered.
Keep an eye on your moods, if it starts to feel like too much speak to the gp. Do not feel guilty about asking for help.
Take lots of photos, they change so quickly.
Rest when they do.
Don’t feel guilty if all you want to do is hold them and watch them sleep. It’s wonderful and the baby cuddles will be over in the blink of an eye.

Yes it’s hard work. But it is also wonderful and amazing seeing this little thing you brought into the world grow and learn and change. Don’t forget to enjoy it.

Oh, one tip. If you breastfeed try to have a snack and drink beside you. Digestives got me through night feeding. It always left me feeling starving 😁

The lack of sleep was the only real negative of the newborn days for me, I found it tough but I never felt like I had ruined my life.

I loved breastfeeding, loved watching him sleep in my arms, the first time he smiled at me was an amazing moment. I loved the laziness of the newborn days, plonked on the sofa watching so much TV, surrounded by snacks with my beautiful baby feeding or dozing on top of me.

My baby is almost 8 months now, he's feeding himself, starting to crawl, sleeping independently....he feels so grown up to me already and its incredible but I'm already starting to feel broody for another little baby. I don't think we appreciate it at the time but you'll look back on the newborn days fondly!

how it compares to expectations
I had none, I was so completely clueless. The fact that you're on the parenting forum already means that you're 10 steps ahead of me.....having said that half of these threads probably would have had me terrified!

Honestly I really thrived on the newborn stage. Yes I was exhausted and drained and it hurt to sit (top tip - sitting on an icepack wrapped in a towel for 20 min is lovely), but I was high on the feeling of not being pregnant!

I had a horrible pregnancy with my first baby and some people went “ooooh just you wait until they’re here, it only gets worse, enjoy your last days of freedom hahaha!” and I was resigned to years and years of absolute misery.

I was wrong, it was brilliant. It wasn’t easy but it was amazing. You get to watch this fantastic brilliant brand-new person discover absolutely everything in the world for the first time, and then they fall asleep on you and tuck their head under your chin. It’s ace.

Tip: you do not have to read them baby books. At that age they like hearing your voice but have no clue what you’re saying. So read out loud something you want to read.

I think that the ones that’s are struggling are usually either a. Trying to breast feed, finding it hard and realising that there’s very little support or b. Got a toddler along side. The first time it’s a massive adjustment but you can concentrate on those lovely sleepy cuddles 🙂

I spent the first two weeks just enjoying smelling my baby's head and getting used to breastfeeding. Stay hydrated and make sure you have lots of healthy snacks and rest a lot. This is a lovely time of year to have a baby take some gentle walks out when you are ready. Keep visitors to a minimum and enjoy these precious moments. Ignore the I've ruined my life threads as others have said it depends on your expectations. I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Prepare to not sleep. Or to sleep badly. Make sure your OH does equal share of nighttime care. Stay hydrated. Good luck... it'll become easier once they're potty trained and cognisant.

Aw, don't be terrified. It's such a huge change and you can't really prepare for it. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and just take it a day at a time.

When my DD was born I remember being surprised at how ready I was to go home from the hospital. It was so hot on the ward and I was next to someone who made phone calls constantly at all hours, I couldn't wait to get out of there. As I say, I was surprised that I didn't have any 'but I don't know what I'm doing!' type terror. I suppose that's maternal instinct kicking in? I also have a good partner, so there was that.

In terms of the new born stage. Yes, you will be exhausted. Yes, you will be dealing with poo-ey nappies and will no longer have the freedom to just pop out/stay out whenever you feel like it. This all takes getting used to. But every day you will watch your little one learn something new and it will amaze you. The first time they smile, the first time they giggle, the first time they grab a toy. It's all amazing. Best of luck to you x

It seems like there's so much pressure in new mums these days, I'm sure it's SM. I think getting if insta etc is for the best, they're brief snapshots of people faking for the camera.

newborns are fabulous x

its tiring if they have reflux/colic etc but for most it's a lovely time.

try to get outside each day, even if it's only 15 minutes sitting in the garden, but do try a short walk as soon as you can, it's good for you physically and definitely mentally.

take short cuts where you can (groceries delivered) & let/ask people (for) help. Most people are only too happy to help, but don't want to interfere!!

stop reading all the negative posts on here! It won't do you any good!! Those threads are a life line if you're struggling, but not good to read unless you are.

if you do struggle, getting help as soon as possible is fir the best, sometimes our bodies need a bit of help to get back on track!

Most of all ENJOY your baby!! It can feel a wee bit relentless when you're in the middle of it, but it's actually such a short part if their/your life & you can't get it back!!

Every baby is different. Don't worry too much about what other people's babies are like in comparison.
Trust your instincts.
Rest is almost as good as sleep. If you're not getting much sleep, whenever you can just relax and put your feet up and close your eyes.
Drink lots especially if you're breastfeeding.
Try and get outdoors every day for a walk.
Enjoy your baby (but you will sometimes be bored - have some books or magazines to hand!)

I loved the first 6 weeks or so. Obviously every baby is different but Mine slept all the time, it was such a relaxing nap filled time 😂. Due my second in sept and it won't be relaxing at all this time with a 3 year old!!

Oh and spritz for bits. Stock up it's amazing!

I would say don't put pressure on yourself to feel an instant rush of intense love for your baby. If you're one of the women who do then wonderful, but lots don't straight away. With ds I had a long drawn out Labour and coupled with usual tiredness/life change realisation, I always wanted to keep him safe and well looked after but did wonder if I loved him enough for the first week or so, then suddenly- BAM: love this little being more than anything ever. He's 4 soon and we have such a close bond.

The first week or so is definately jarring, it's a life change and you're healing, but, I didn't find the newborn stage very hard - lots of snuggles and Netflix, a daily walk in the pram, more snuggles! They truely are amazing little beings.

I'd recommend that for if your partner is taking pat leave, you guys live in your bedroom for a few days if possible (other than getting out once a day when ready) - if breastfeeding, sorted, if formula - bring up the kettle steriliser etc - have a lovely little bubble as a family.

As long as you don’t have any unreasonable expectations of getting lots of sleep or your baby sleeping through at one month old then you’ll be fine.

You’ll be exhausted, and will be up many times in the night but you’ll also have your little baby and can focus on looking after them and watching them grow and learn. Make sure your DP does their share of the night wakings and early mornings to give you time to rest.

It's tiring, but I repeated to myself "it won't be like this forever" for example when the cluster feeding seemed continuous and I just wanted to go to bed! I'd recommend reading about Purple Crying, it's a completely normal developmental but it can feel really worrying when it does start.

Just enjoy your baby and honestly have no expectations about getting any housework done!

The newborn cuddles are so special.
Tips wise I think being ready to be adaptable is important, breastfeeding might be fine or it might be painful and difficult - I had no idea it might not work out for me.
same with sleep, some babies are easier than others! But it is a special time that won’t last for forever, definitely take lots of photos and get out for walks, meet up with people etc once you’re up to it (and have watched all of Netflix!).

*completely normal developmental stage that should say

My tip would be: make sure your partner is involved from day 1. Don't swoop in when baby cries, let them have time together, don't hover, let him find his own way of settling the baby.

It makes life SO much easier.

I loved the newborn stage. I found it really chilled out. DH was off work for a month so he did all the cooking and cleaning and I have never read so many books Just embrace the kind of timeless nature of it.

Tip: If you are breastfeeding and it doesn’t seem to be working seek help. It might be something easily fixed like tongue tie.

How hard you find the newborn stage will depend to an extent on your personality. I’m a very scheduled driven person who loves routine so I find it hard. Much happier at around 3 months once baby falls into a routine.

I would say get outside in the fresh air every day and other than that don’t try to do too much. Rest and focus on caring for yourself as well as baby.

It's exhausting, emotional, tiring, depressive, and relentless, your life will never be your own again, life as you know it now, will never exist again, you will lose friends, loose sleep, loose your figure, lose money and possibly even loose your mind... but, its also exhilarating, momentous, enjoyable, happy, hilarious, a life filled with love. You will feel like your about to burst with happiness and love for your baby, you won't be able to imagine your life without your bundle, your previous life will seem meaningless and you will adapt to your new life.. it will be a roller coaster, but an excellent one, enjoy 💙💜

So much of it depends on the baby. I don’t say that to scare you - more to reassure you. There was only one true ‘unicorn’ in our antenatal group who just slept anywhere, barely cried. fed every 3 hours like the books said and slept through from 8 or so weeks. Most of the babies were wakeful during the night for long periods, or took a while to establish breastfeeding, or had some issues with reflux. Most of my antenatal group thought the newborn period was okay though. I don’t think anyone either loved or hated every second. Basically as long as your baby is mostly quite content, likelihood is it’ll be okay. Mine screamed most of his waking hours and I therefore didn’t really treasure or enjoy most of it, but I still wouldn’t say I hated it and there are bits I loom back fondly on (with the benefit of rose tinted glasses 😬) I was definitely in the minority with my experience though, chances are your baby will be settled.

As a PP said, it’s so worth remembering throughout parenting that both good and tough things are nearly always a phase. My friends unicorn baby is one of the most tantrum prone toddlers now, whilst my scream-fest of a baby is very easy going. All the best for the next few weeks! X

Not to rain on your parade but I did find it absolutely horrendous, the absolute worst time of my life. I’m posting this still with the intent of being helpful, not negative, so please still consider my point of view. It’s not true what PP said that it’s only hard if you don’t have a supportive partner, it can still be hard for many different reasons.

I think a lot depends on the baby, some are definitely harder than others, and also the type of birth you have. I was very very ill afterwards.

my point tho is this - it very well might be hard. It might not be. It’s different for everyone. But be kind to yourself, if you do find it hard, that’s ok, you’re not failing. And it will get better. My 2 year old is now an absolute joy and I wouldn’t change having her for the world, despite wanting every day for the first 3 months to run out the door and never come back.