To leave baby asleep in flat

[flightofthesevenmillionbumblebees]

Was just thinking about this and curious about others thoughts. To be clear (before receiving any abuse) I'm not saying I intend to do this, I was just thinking about it.

Most people are comfortable pottering about their houses and gardens with baby asleep upstairs with a baby monitor on. I live in a small block of flats and need to walk downstairs and through hallway to go to the garden. Was just thinking to myself that I'm perhaps slightly further away from baby than I would be if we lived in a standard 3 bed council place, and I'm a fair bit closer than I would be at my mums house (fairly big house and huge garden). That's in both actual distance as well
as time it takes to walk from location to baby. But for some reason leaving baby in a flat with the baby monitor feels 'wrong' whereas I don't think it would if in the garden of a house.

Why do you think this is?? What makes it different? Obviously there's a 'communal' area between you and the baby which other people have access to, but if your front door is locked then others can't get near baby. I suppose there's the slight risk of getting locked out which you wouldn't have in your own garden. But other than those things, do you think it's actually any different? If so, why?

(Not sure if voting option happens automatically but I'm using the app and can't vote on posts myself so not sure if you'll be able to vote on this, but more interested in people's thoughts about it than a general yabu/yanbu answer anyway)

Also just to add, I'm obviously talking about a 6month+ baby when it's okay to leave them sleeping

Just realised I didn't post this in Aibu so ignore my last bit!

No, I don’t think it’s ok to leave a baby in a flat where the door is locked. And I don’t think SS would think it’s ok either.

I can almost guarantee you’ll get 90% of people saying it’s wrong, and coming up with scenarios involving fires and fire brigades

it always fires and fire brigades in these threads…

I think it's the element of other people between you and locked doors. If there's a fire whilst you're in the garden, the doors are likely open and you'd see and be able to get in. In a flat you wouldn't know for longer and probably wouldn't be able to get back in. OK you might notice at your Mom's but again - unlocked. Other people can get to you or into your flat.l etc.

Well I'm glad I fulfilled your prophecy without seeing your post 😂 but surely the point is you need to consider worse case scenario in these circs

Do your doors lock automatically when you go out, or do you have to lock them? I wouldn't leave a baby the other side of an automatically locking door (deliberately that is, I can see it can happen accidentally). Just in case you forget the keys. Not to happy about other side of a locked door either.

But I do agree risk assessment is a funny thing.

For me its the locked door and communal area that makes it a game changer

I wouldn't be worried about fire, I'd be worried about kidnappers 🤷‍♀️

Leaving your property, however big or small poses a risk- it’s not a risk worth taking imo

I've always wondered this. We live in a terraced house and would sit in the garden of an evening with DC sleeping upstairs but felt weird about sitting in next doors garden even though it's hardly anything more in terms of distance. Yet my mum lives in a big place in the country where you could be much further away if you were down the garden but that would be fine. It's psychological I think...

I wouldn’t be okay with it, but I also wouldn’t be okay with being in my garden of my house with the baby in the house.
I am a bit of a catastrophic thinker, so when I first was on my own with my son I fretted about even taking the bins out with my son sleeping in the house (and had to do it with my house keys in my pocket in case my doors suddenly decided to become self-locking!), but I think leaving the building for any amount of time with the baby sleeping is just a risk most people wouldn’t want to take.

In my particular circumstances, my actual front door is a latch lock and the building front door is supposed to be automatic with a fob but is broken so doesn't lock.

If I was in the garden when DS was little and asleep I would always take the baby monitor with me. I don’t have a large garden, but if I had I would have stayed in the range of the monitor

I've done that once, 2yo ds was asleep and we had run out of calpol. I had no back-up help so I took the chance and ran to the corner shop - about 30 yards - and back.

Ds didn't come to any harm but I wasn't happy about it, I shouldn't have got in that situation, but tired people forget things.

It's the thought that if I couldn't get back to him, and no-one else knew he was there that worried me. Yes, fire, or me having an accident while I was out or some other reason. If you were in your own garden, there was much less chance of you not being able to reach your lo.

I think it's other peoples orr emotion that stops us.

if the worst should happen in your own home it would be all 'baby dies while saintly mother hangs out the washing' if it should happen while you're in the neighbours garden it would be all 'baby dies when mother leaves ut home alone.

it's perception, not risk.

Yeah I think these are the things in my mind, but it also feels like there's factors around it that affect my general assessment of risk. So for example the front door is in view of the garden, so you can see anyone going in or out.. if my neighbours are home they have a spare key in the event of being locked out. Stuff like that.

Obviously when it comes it to your baby very few risks are worth it, it's just interesting to think about the process of risk assessment.

In my terraced even without the monitor I'd hear a crying baby. If I was in the big house huge garden scenario as mentioned by PP I'd probably not venture out beyond ear shot (the monitor has a distance issue too - it only transmits so far).
Going out to your garden leaving your baby in the flat - it could then escalate to 'the corner shop is only another 20 metres away'...
I'm not worried about fires, I'd be worried the baby became distressed or fell (if a bit older) or whatever.

@ATadConfused that is also very accurate!

There's just something in my head that would connect this as baby being left home alone. They are alone within the boundary of what counts as your home. You are outside of this boundary. If you had a private garden at your home, it would all be within the confines of your private space.

Then where do we stop? The corner shop is underneath the flat so that's fine.
The chippy is opposite the flat so same distance as my mums garden. My friends flat is directly underneath mine so that's like just sitting downstairs.

There has to be some line.

No, other people have access to the building. When I lived in a flat people occasionally got in in spite of the security system and went round knocking on doors. If I answered (with chain on) I’d get some gubbins about double glazing or the like, but I was broken into twice when I wasn’t there. I wouldn’t take the risk of leaving a baby alone in those circumstances.

Its easier to see/hear/smell(smoke) if something is wrong when its your garden of your house than when its a flat, especially if your flat is on a high floor. When I lived in a flat with my baby I dashed out once when she was asleep to take the kitchen bin out to the communal bins but it felt so stressful doing just that I didn't do it again!
And of course there's the issue if you accidentally lock yourself out - if its your house you could break a window to get in if you really had to but you can't in a block of flats.

I know what you mean, but of course if you have a baby monitor you're aware if they're distressed or fall. I don't think I'd be away from baby for any longer than a couple of minutes (e.g taking the bin out) without using a baby monitor.

I suppose it's more comparable to me leaving my front door and locking it behind me and going to sit on the green opposite my house and I wouldn't do that , but I would sit in my garden with baby upstairs (not that it ever happens ) it could be the same distance if I sat on the nearest edge of the green/furthest part of the garden but It would feel like I left the baby home alone I think , also I would think in a time critical emergency I could get through the open backdoor and upstairs in my house quicker than through a entry door , stairs and flat front door .

Also to be clear @easyday when I say fall I mean when they're asleep and potentially rolling of the bed or something. I don't need to ponder the morality of leaving a baby alone in a flat while awake and moving around