To leave baby asleep in flat

[flightofthesevenmillionbumblebees]

Was just thinking about this and curious about others thoughts. To be clear (before receiving any abuse) I'm not saying I intend to do this, I was just thinking about it.

Most people are comfortable pottering about their houses and gardens with baby asleep upstairs with a baby monitor on. I live in a small block of flats and need to walk downstairs and through hallway to go to the garden. Was just thinking to myself that I'm perhaps slightly further away from baby than I would be if we lived in a standard 3 bed council place, and I'm a fair bit closer than I would be at my mums house (fairly big house and huge garden). That's in both actual distance as well
as time it takes to walk from location to baby. But for some reason leaving baby in a flat with the baby monitor feels 'wrong' whereas I don't think it would if in the garden of a house.

Why do you think this is?? What makes it different? Obviously there's a 'communal' area between you and the baby which other people have access to, but if your front door is locked then others can't get near baby. I suppose there's the slight risk of getting locked out which you wouldn't have in your own garden. But other than those things, do you think it's actually any different? If so, why?

(Not sure if voting option happens automatically but I'm using the app and can't vote on posts myself so not sure if you'll be able to vote on this, but more interested in people's thoughts about it than a general yabu/yanbu answer anyway)

So anyone could walk in to the building off the street?

@CorpseReviver yep, any one could walk into the communal area. But from the garden I could see them entering and exiting, and they couldn't get into my flat (I mean they could of course break in)

I think the issue is, if I leave my house and go into the garden I know Ive turned the cooker etc off. In a flat you don't know what your neighbours are up to. Maybe the risk of fire etc is higher in a flat?

If it's a communal garden. What would you be doing out there & for how long?

I live in a 1st floor flat, own entrance with no communal area. There's been times where I've left to get stuff out my car, which is just outside in the communal car park, or take my bins out etc whilst baby is asleep. I always lock my door though.

Lived in a block of flats with a communal Garden and communal bin area - and one day I had lots of very upset knocking on the main front door.

a mum had gone out to take the bins but was locked out of the main door whilst her newborn was left sleeping in her flat downstairs

The sheer terror on her face when I opened the door to let her in - I don’t think that is an experience she will ever forget or want to repeat

in short, there are too many barriers between you and baby - and you won’t be able to know if there was a fire or something else. If there was- you may not even be able to be let in

it’s just not worth it

If you are just walking down to a communal washing area, putting washing in a machine and then returning to your flat, I can't see an issue. A small baby isn't going to climb out of a cot. Once baby is at the standing in the cot age, I wouldn't leave them. Too much of a risk of them trying to climb out. It's no different from hanging washing in the garden while the baby is asleep upstairs.

I wouldn't feel personally comfortable with it, but logically it doesn't seem a big issue.

In my head I suppose it’s the psychological difference between my house and garden with a big red outline around the whole thing that makes it all my space, me and the baby within it, vs the flat ringed in red and the garden ringed in red with communal space in-between – essentially you and the baby are in different territories, and the baby is “alone”.

I didn’t even like coming back from the shops when I had a house up a flight of steps and having to hoist the baby and pram in first to the hallway, leaving the door open and on the latch and hooked back, then going back down the steps to grab the shopping – being back on the pavement felt psychologically like I was outside the red-ringed area and in a different territory.

I’m not sure it’s even a specific fear like fire, kidnap, locked doors, so much as free-floating baby anxiety and hormones.

Yeah I didn't do this in a flat either I think in my case worry about losing my key, which tbf is the kind of thing I would do. Also all the closed doors between me and baby - more psychologically stressful than just being in the garden of your house!

Yeah, what stuntbubbles just said basically.

You can bring the pushchair outside and put them asleep in it while you're in the garden 🙂

Yes they could break in, and internal doors aren't usually as strong as external ones, even in communal blocks.

Also it's unlikely you would be looking in that direction of the front door 100% of the time.

It's just clearly not a safe or sensible idea.

Over my dead body would I have done it when my DC were little. But I was one of those who used to lug them all out of the car to pay at the petrol station, too (this was a big discussion topic on MN in about 2005) and thought anyone who didn't do so was insane. So I'm at the extreme end of the scale.

Seriously!? I’m amazed you need to ask.

Forgotten keys
Baby chokes/has any urgent medical need
Kidnappers
Fires
Something could happen to you making it impossible to return

…Or what if an eagle flew in? Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues it as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still ablaze are locked in a death grip, swirling around in the whirlpool that fills the apartment.

😂😂😂

Yeah I think this is pretty accurate 👍

It just feels less safe. Like walking in the dark makes people feel they're talking more of a risk.

Where I used to live was really near to a school, people used to park outside our house. Some would leave sleeping babies and toddlers in the car, while they picked older DC up, it seemed acceptable. However it never seemed acceptable for me to leave my sleeping babies in my house while I picked my older DC up even though the house and the car were right next to each other.
I did however feel comfortable leaving them sleeping and putting the bins out which involve a walk of a similar distance to the school.

There's no locked door and when I'm in the garden I can hear DD cry, or the doorbell ring without using the monitor. It feels closer than the situation described in the OP.

This is what I do, take her down in the bouncer if I want to be outside for a bit.

But it's long and tricky to hang out washing like this as I have to try and carry her, bouncer and trug of washing. I tend to leave her by the front door, carry trug to the downstairs front door, go back and get baby, then take trug to garden and then go back for baby. It definitely would be much easier to hang it out with her asleep upstairs but such is life when you live in flats 🤷‍♀️

Surely fires are more likely than kidnappings?

Yeah, like PPs, it is definitely the locked front door thing. If you left without the key you would be frantic with worry waiting to get back in.

If I could hear them via a monitor etc then I think it's fine.

I wouldn't actually leave a baby inside even just to go into the garden

I think the greater risk is falling down the stairs while carrying the baby and too many other things.

It's hard to know and I think a lot of ppl are correct it is psychological. I'm due DS 1 in a few weeks. If I left him alone asleep to go to the letter box (my letter box) or to go water the glass house it wouldn't be further away than me leaving him in my mams house and going to the corner shop. But it would feel very different.

Probably because I am still on the property and I would hear him. In the scenario at my mums house I would have to lock a dock, and go into another building. I wouldn't hear him

I left DD1 all the time when putting washing out when she was asleep in the house. You get stuff done while they're asleep or have a sleep/chill out yourself!