No one likes my baby ☹️

[numberthirtytwowindsorgardens]

DD (4m) is a bit high maintenance, to put it mildly. She doesn't really like anyone but me and her brother, and sometimes DH. When she's cheerful she's delightful, but she does cry quite a lot and really doesn't like being given to other people to hold. I realised today that no one else really likes her ☹️ not even her wider family.

What can I do to socialise her? Is it normal? Her brother was such a cheerful soul that everyone loved him as a baby, so this is new to me!

OP I'm sure that's not true, and if it is, shame on your wider family. Some babies are tougher than others - I'm thinking of one baby in my NCT group in particular, who suffered from everything you can imagine and literally did not stop crying for the first 4-5 months of her life. Now she is the sweetest, happiest, most smiley soul.

4 months is still so young, she's still getting used to the world! She doesn't need to be "socialised", she needs her parents to meet her physical and emotional needs with lots of cuddles and patience, the rest will come. Please give your baby and yourself some grace.

How awful of those other people, I wouldn't let them hold her any more. You can't socialise a baby, she needs to feel secure and the best way for her to do that is to be with you. She is perfectly normal and they need to get over themselves.

Sounds like a normal 4mo to me! I'd say your oldest was the unusual one Just roll with it, 4mo is not the easiest time in my opinion and they tend to get a lot happier once they are sitting and able to interact a bit more with the world.

Another who is pretty sure that just isn't true.

Obviously, it is 'easier' to hold / admire a smiley baby than a more typical one who is sometimes upset, cross or not feeling well, but that doesn't mean nobody likes them.

What makes you think people don't like her?

Why do you think that they don’t like her?

Honestly OP, it doesn’t matter. She’s 4 months, she won’t know or care if people other than you, her dad and her siblings like her. By the time she is old enough to care she may be totally different.

I don’t remember giving my babies to anyone else to hold at 4 months anyway, unless I needed to nip to the loo or something. Just focus on what works for her and don’t worry about her being “liked”.

I wouldn’t be surprised if this is partly second baby syndrome as regards your wider family- it is quite common for there to be less enthusiasm for the second grandchild/niece etc regardless of personality. Just less new and exciting.

I'm sure they do like her! They probably enjoy handing her back to you more though.
The thing about babies is it's non-stop. I liked my own babies, but my friends or family babies I'll have a quick fuss and hand back.

At 4m, there's not really much for wider family to like/dislike is there? They probably just won't want to upset her or you by insisting on holding/cuddling a crying baby. There are threads on here all the time from mothers who want family to stop trying to hold a baby who is upset by it. Your family probably just think they're doing the best thing.

I realised today that no one else really likes her ☹️ not even her wider family

Kindly, are you sure this is not your own insecurities about her personalities playing out? I only ask because I felt the same about my equally high maintenance, fussy, none smiling, permanently crying DS. I assumed everyone thought he was a nightmare. Turns out immediate family still adored him even though he was a bit more difficult and nobody else noticed.

DS is the sunniest, cheeriest toddler going these days as well. Doesn’t tantrum, permanent glowing reports from nursery. I didn’t do anything in particular, just met his needs to the best of my ability and tried not to let the crying and fussing get to me too much! He basically just grew out of it - fingers crossed yours will too x

Oh, thank you I actually feel a bit teary reading those lovely comments. I think she's lovely, obviously! - she's so bright and inquisitive, but I think she just doesn't like being a baby much. She already wants to be sitting up in a pushchair so she can see.

What makes you think people don't like her?

Just a few things recently. Someone said to her today that she had a bad attitude (meant as a joke, and they'd be mortified if they knew I was upset about it!), and my mum said 'she really is quite hard work, isn't she?' Just felt a bit sad that, other than me, no one really seems to enjoy spending time with her.

Really, thank you all for your comments - they've made me feel a lot better. 😊

Kindly, are you sure this is not your own insecurities about her personalities playing out?

That is something to think about, I think. I do worry a lot that people won't like my kids or will find them annoying, or that they will struggle to make friends.

I think once she is 6 months and over she will be more interested in toys and other people. Also she will be more interesting and engaging for your family and friends to interact with. Get others to interact with her while you are holding her so she feels secure. I thi k it's quite normal at 4 months for babies to want their mum.

Saying she's hard work doesn't necessarily mean people don't 'like' her - they're just recognising it might be hard for you, I guess. I'm sure the family love her very much.

I have twins and one is a total grumpy anti social sod for everyone but me and his sisters and no one wants to hold him or spend time with him really whereas his sister plays to the crowd, is happy sociable and loves everyone - I don't care what anyone else thinks about my babies - I secretly like it that he saves all the smiles and cuddles and loving for me 🥰

I did laugh at your post op ( I realise you are being serious and upset though) as it's reminding me of my 'baby' who is now a strapping teen!
He didn't want to be a baby either! He wouldn't keep still and was a handful!
He is a determined headstrong (and strong) teen but loving and polite too. I absolutely adore him and laugh thinking back of when he wouldn't keep still and my sister handing him back to me telling me she couldn't hold him!
I bet your baby is ace too

Hi OP, your baby sounds like my niece at that ages. I loved her, but she just didn't want to be held by me and screamed bloody murder if I tried. I just waited till she grew out of it, and she did. I was Stit here but not in her face. I think when the baby is a bit cranky, people naturally back off but it'll be ok in the end, I'm sure they love her and are dying for a cuddle.

She's still so little. In another few weeks she could be totally different.
Once she can sit in a high chair and nosey at the world or be pushed in a swing she'll become a joy to other people too.
A four month old that just wants mum is best handed back sharpish...... because they care for her and don't want to upset her, not because they don't like her.
The comments are probably intended as 'aren't you coping well with a clingy one', not as an insult.
Wait until she's holding court sat in her high chair chomping a carrot. It's only a matter of weeks away so enjoy her snuggles til then

My dn1 was a very sociable delight. Happy to go to anyone, so I felt very bonded to her as I got lots of time with her. Dn2 (8 months) is a complete limpet to my dsis, and cries if you even look too much at her. I'm not going to lie, I don't feel the same towards her that I did with dn1, simply because it's been very difficult to form any type of relationship. It really doesn't mean that I don't love or like her though!

Some babies just don't like being cuddled by anyone but parents. They feel safe with mummy and daddy . Other people probably feel a bit awkward when a baby starts wailing. Doesn't mean they don't like them!!

The other thing that springs to mind is that this is your second baby, op. Much less fuss is paid to the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th etc baby in the wider family, in my experience!

If you want honest opinions then I'm happy to share mine and my experience. If not just ignore the following.

That OP could have been written by me a few years ago. Sounds exactly like my baby. Wider family gave up even saying hello to her when they came round because she wouldn't even look at them nevermind be held by them.
I knew, deep down, my baby was different and I was right. I am by no means saying your baby is but now she is 4 and diagnosed ASD and ADHD and if I'm honest, she's still ignored immensely. We, my wife and I have little to no contact with any family now. It hurts and you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends. Have friends who love your baby, whether she is a bit of a whinger or not.
Sending lots of love to you and hope things improve

Firstborns always get the fuss, it’s quite normal for seconds and thirds not to raise an eyelid when they come along.

Holding a smiling baba is much easier than one who is grizzling and lungeing about for their mum 🙂
Don’t worry about it.
Of course they don’t dislike your baby.

Thank you for sharing that, @HettyHoo . I'm sorry for your experience, and hope that your lovely daughter now has friends around her who appreciate her for who she is.