No one likes my baby ☹️

[numberthirtytwowindsorgardens]

DD (4m) is a bit high maintenance, to put it mildly. She doesn't really like anyone but me and her brother, and sometimes DH. When she's cheerful she's delightful, but she does cry quite a lot and really doesn't like being given to other people to hold. I realised today that no one else really likes her ☹️ not even her wider family.

What can I do to socialise her? Is it normal? Her brother was such a cheerful soul that everyone loved him as a baby, so this is new to me!

Don't worry. My youngest was a horrible baby - high maintenance and cried, a lot. She was a delightful toddler, teenager and adult. Plenty of people like her just fine. The baby stage can be very hard work and I think you're right, some babies don't like being babies. They want to up and out and investigating the world and that's a great thing when they grow up a bit.

I found I was hyper aware to any perceived slight or dislike of my babies. Probably still am to some degree!
I would suggest it has more to do with you and securities that already existed than reality. I mean that kindly, maybe take some time to just enjoy your baby and let any comment that isn't totally admiring to roll off you.
I'm sure your dd is wonderful and you must be fabulous to be her favourite place in the whole world, relish it!

I have a 3.5 month old who is a real Velcro baby at the moment! Only wants to be with me or sometimes her dad as long as she is not tired then only I will do! I handed her to my dad today and she screamed so hard you would have thought he was hurting her!
Thankfully she is very happy to talk and smile at anyone and everyone as long as she is on my lap or in her car seat/pram. She just will not be held by them! And she will happily play on the floor for short periods or in her bouncer thankfully.
Today I had to put a mask on to go into the dr and she completely freaked out- I'm sure it's because she didn't realise it was me.
I have just accepted that at the moment I'm her safe person/attachment figure and that's the way it is for now.
As my first I don't have anything to compare it to though which probably helps

You may want to consider the fact DD is female. Obviously there is an issue within society about how women are treated as less than, but I was shocked watching close family members treat female babies differently to their male siblings. Any chance could be a part of your experience?

I don't think this is it. She just is less easy and cheerful than her brother was (with others at least), and I think this is why I'm finding it stings a bit - because deep down I sort of can see why they don't like her as much. And that makes me sad, because she is lovely!

Thank you so much for all the lovely messages, especially from those of you who had similarly tricky babies! I thought you were all going to tell me to get a grip, so thank you for being so kind!

Bad attitude?

A 4month old??

What a horrible/ridiculous thing to say!

Doesn't like being given to others-well she's not a toy to be passed around & shared is she?

I could've written this when my DD was born, she was hard work compared to her brother and suffered badly with Colic. Even my mum who is great with children didn't want to left long with her.

She is five now and she's the sweetest thing, who gives the best hugs. She is a social butterfly, loving school and making new friends. Your little one really will get easier, you're doing a great job.

I don't think this is it. She just is less easy and cheerful than her brother was (with others at least), and I think this is why I'm finding it stings a bit - because deep down I sort of can see why they don't like her as much

Gently, this is all projection though, isn’t it? Nobody has actually come out and said ‘gosh I much prefer DS to DD, what a miserable baby she is’ have they? Babies come in all shapes and sizes and saying one is trickier than the other doesn’t equate to therefore less likeable. Honestly, I think you need to stop comparing your DC and accept they are totally different people. Comparison really is the thief of joy - I learnt that the hard way after spending far too long being outraged that my gorgeous SIL had 3 cheery little lumps of smiles when my single baby was a furious little ball of rage for his first 15 months!

Has she always been a little tricky with strangers? Does she see the rest of the family (including grandparents) very often?

If they are more strange to her than she may be weary of them 🤷🏻‍♀️ totally not her fault. Some kids are like that.

If this is more recent, could it be teething?

Also, at this age, this isn't her personality, it's her survival skills 😉 she'll start showing her true personality in a few months

Congratulations on your lovely baby

Heartless cow that I am, I couldn't care less about second babies.
The first, I'm all "Oh he's beautiful, look at his little hands, such a good temperament, haven't you done well" (as is socially required of me).
The second I'm all "meh".
Could it just be this OP?

This is very wise (and kindly phrased, thank you!). It genuinely isn't that I prefer her brother - I just worry that others will!

But you're right that they're probably not thinking that - they're probably not thinking about her much at all, because who does think about other people's kids!

Thank you

I know exactly what you mean 😃 I really don't want people to fuss over her - we're not a fussing kind of family! It's just the odd comments which have made me worry that people aren't liking her. But as everyone has wisely pointed out, it probably doesn't mean anything anyway!

In the nicest possible way, whingy, non smiling, clingy babies are not particularly likeable. That's not being nasty, it's just that friendly, placid, sociable babies are much more pleasant to be around. Don't take it personally OP, your baby is very likely to change over time.

One of my babies was a clingy high needs little thing and honestly I didn’t like them very much at the time if I’m being honest. Loved them to bits but didn’t particularly enjoy them during that phase. As the above post says whiny babies just aren’t that likeable! So even if family find her difficult or hard work, it doesn’t matter it’s nothing personal to your DD. I’m sure your family all love her but just find this stage difficult, that’s OK!

I think people are more wary of "cry-y" (I know it's not a word ) babies lest they are the one to "start them off" and it's nothing to do with not liking her. It will all seem different in a few months, it's true some don't conform to the stereotype and are happier when crawling and exploring the world.

for you and your lovely little girl.

Also my high maintenance baby turned into the most charming sociable toddler so even though your DD is not too sociable now I’m sure it’ll change fairly soon.

To be fair to the baby she's 4m and doesn't need any of these other people yet so she's just getting moody at not being held by mum. Perfectly normal, she'll grow out of it soon enough, just don't let them hold her x

My 2nd baby cried from 6 weeks to 7 months. Had awful colic, I've blocked most of it out as was draining, exhausting, awful. He hit 7 months gut matured and he's been a delight since (6 next month). I have a 5 month old girl now and she is such a happy chilled baby, warming everyone with smiles and laughs. I look back with a bit of sadness how i don't remember a lot of my middle child's first few months as i was a zombie and he didn't get the cooing over him. luckily i had older cousins wives who would take him off me and give me a break crying and all. It will get better, just bask in the little happy bits. my son now loves the limelight and is hilarious and well liked by all. sorry for typos im holding the baby typing 1 handed

It's not that people don't like her, it's just that is harder for them to demonstrate that they do!

If you're able to hold and snuggle a baby, your facial expression and your voice as you connect with them, is a signal to everyone around that you love them.
If a baby won't let you hold them or they cry when you do, your body language will instead show your anxiety, if you try to coo to then and they just cry, your facial expression doesn't have time to grow into that loving smile, however much you love them.

My lockdown baby granddaughter struggled with connecting with us, and in particular with her adoring auntie who, unlike me, hadn't been able to bubble with her sister's family. And far from not liking her niece, my DD worried that my DGD didn't like her! But with the passage of time, the relationship is now mutual adoration!

Are you sure the bad attitude comment was serious? I would sometimes say something like that to someone about my own babies but it would be an affectionate joke, babies don’t have an attitude of any kind! Admittedly I wouldn’t say it about someone else’s unless I knew it would be a well received joke but it could have just been misjudged?

My cousin was a whingeing baby. Grew into a toddler who cried non stop.
Now an adult and she's lovely. But she was no fun at all as a baby!

Hah, my first was like this, my second is much 'friendlier' and although does still cry a lot at home, not as much as DC1 nor as intensely and doesn't cry much out of the house at all. So I've had the complete opposite experience to you. My first nobody would hardly dare to hold her, if anyone even looked at her in the pram she would burst into tears and start screaming and I mean this was the case til she was probably about 18m...! DC2 is passed around all the time, everyone minds him for me when I go the loo if I'm out or whatever and he's quite happy just sitting in the high chair smiling at anyone who talks to him...it's such a different experience.

My first baby wasn't very sociable and didn't like to be held by anyone but me at about the same age. Some babies are just like that and yours is still so tiny. Give it time.

I often say my baby is being 'grumpy' as a joke and my parents and sister know me well enough to know it doesn't offend me so they have nicknamed her 'grumpus'! 😂