No one likes my baby ☹️

[numberthirtytwowindsorgardens]

DD (4m) is a bit high maintenance, to put it mildly. She doesn't really like anyone but me and her brother, and sometimes DH. When she's cheerful she's delightful, but she does cry quite a lot and really doesn't like being given to other people to hold. I realised today that no one else really likes her ☹️ not even her wider family.

What can I do to socialise her? Is it normal? Her brother was such a cheerful soul that everyone loved him as a baby, so this is new to me!

How on EARTH can a Four Month old baby have a “ Bad attitude??”

That says far more about the person who said it than it ever does about your baby.

That is a nuts thing to say.
Babies of that age are instinctive.
They nearly only ever want to be with Mum.

I'm sure she is lovely, but maybe has a bit of separation anxiety. Remember you are her world at this age.

She's 4 moths, forearm want to be held by a load of, to her, strangers!!

That won't be true! They're probably more likely worried she doesn't like them. It's always hard holding a crying baby etc. I'd say persist and get her used to socialising?

Don't worry op she's so little and babies go through different stages. My 1st was like yours she was a delight from birth her brother came and he was a bit more of a difficult baby. I rember loosing my mind when husband made some sort of comment when he was about 10 weeks saying something like "even (sister in law) thinks he cries a lot" I was so angry thinking people had bad mouthed my child!!.

Any way when he reached about 6 month onwards he was always smiley. He then went through another stage about age 2 hating Strangers then went back to loving everyone again.

My point babies and kids are strange and go through phases all the time.

I had twins - boy would be held by complete strangers and he was always off to play when ever he could - just loved people.
other wouldn’t go to anyone ever! Screamed if anyone even looked at her and gos forbid picked her up! Everyone at play group knew to ignore her until one picked her up the roof shook!!’ Funny now .., mortified then!

My nephew was like this as a baby. If any of us tried to hold him he would scream until he was handed back to my dsis. So we just stopped trying to cuddle him as he clearly hated it. None of us disliked him in any way, we just didn't want to upset him. He also pretty much hated us all as a toddler as well so, again, we left him alone. He didn't want to cuddle us, play with us etc so we didn't push him.

He's now very much a friendly, happy 9yo that I get on with and adore just as much as I do my nieces. You'd never guess he despised me until he was about 4 😂

Both mine went through grumpy baby stages and then became smiley and a lot of fun. I'm sure nobody disliked them when they were being grumpy, they just thought they were being, erm, babies. They change within weeks and people forget the previous stage.

DS1 was a grumpy baby. Cried constantly, and didn't like other people. Hes 9 now. He has ASD and still doesn't like other people much TBH.

and my mum said 'she really is quite hard work, isn't she?'

I think this is just sympathising with how hard it might be for you, as opposed to not liking her.

I could have written exactly that about my baby, only even her dad wasn’t that keen on her at 4 months! She wouldn’t be held by anyone except me and she screamed if I put her down.

It made me really sad, I remember feeling like I was the only person in the world who loved her.

Somehow over time she got an attitude adjustment. By the time she was sitting up I could put her down and she’d be happy. She grew to love her dad so much that (predictably) ‘dada’ was her first word and now she’ll happily be cuddled by anyone. She beams at people when they pass her pram, she used to wail if anyone even looked at her. Hang in there!

She doesn't need to be "socialised", she needs her parents to meet her physical and emotional needs with lots of cuddles and patience, the rest will come. Please give your baby and yourself some grace

This. (And what a lovely worded post too).

I agree that some babies really don't seem to like being babies. Sure she will be a lot happier once she is mobile. People observing that she is hard work aren't doing much more than making small talk really and kind of sympathising if she is really grizzly.

A 4 month old doesn’t need socialisation. Seems like she’s just more comfortable with those she is really familiar with, which is fairly common for babies.

Those comments from relatives reflect their wants and desires. They want to cuddle her while she smiles and coos and want a baby that will happily leave her mum so they can hold her. That’s their problem, and doesn’t reflect anything about your baby.

my son was a rather grumpy clingy baby. It passes.
my daughter was a chilled smiley baby. Babies are just individuals, just like adults.

My now 4 year old was like this. He still is, ignores wider family, is very sensitive etc. I just kept him close so I know he feels secure. I too can tell many don't seem to like my son but that's probably because they haven't been able to get to know him as he isn't open to it. I just know I've got him and he's got me and maybe he just needs me that bit more. I don't know what you do nor do I have any advice but it made me feel quite lonely for a long time. It's hard work but just know he loves you and you make him feel safe

My LO is exactly the same, he’s 5 months old and absolutely hates being a baby! He’s trying to sit up whilst teething at the moment so as you can imagine I am at the end of my tether! He is also going through a phase at the moment of only wanting me and not my DP which is exhausting.
I seriously doubt people don’t like your baby, sometimes they make comments not thinking that you are a bit sensitive towards it - I’m the same!
Im sure your baby is a little character like mine ❤️

My friends baby was just like this. Always crying and wanted to be sitting up in the pram. Turns out she had silent reflux. She's a lovely happy little 1 year old now and extremely sociable.

My best friend's baby screams when I get too near and won't let me hold her. When I had to hold her for a second so her mum could use the toilet when we were out together she screamed and arched her little body away from me like I was hurting her. I'm usually quite good with babies, I think maybe it's because I have darker skin and big curly hair which is very different from her parents, maybe she doesn't like the way I smell, who knows! It makes me a little sad but I certainly don't dislike her! I love her to death and I still want to see photos of her and I buy her little toys and books and it makes me happy to see her with them. I just give her space and hope she'll come around one day 😹

High maintenance? She’s a 4 month old baby! She only needs her mum, and other people don’t have any right to hold her if she doesn’t like it. Honestly, some people seem to think babies are public property to be passed around, or toys to be played with.
she doesn’t need to be “socialised” like a puppy, either.
Take no notice of the rest of them. She’s your baby, she doesn’t belong to them and if they don’t want to hold her because she cries, great! She obviously doesn’t like being held by other people.

I think she just doesn't like being a baby much

My DD was just like this...she started improving a bit around 4 months and by 6 months was delightful and has remained that way ever since...even through the Teen years!

Just see it as getting all the attitude out of the way early 😁.

My 2nd born was like this too. Tbh, even I didn't like him very much at times! His childminder almost quit he was that bad. Hes now a gorgeous, sociable and very popular 6 year old. Youd never of thought he'd screamed the first 18 months of his life.

It’s hard when you have a high needs baby. My second DS was the same. You should not be worrying about changing peoples opinions, just focus on getting you and your DD through this time. You may want to consider the fact DD is female. Obviously there is an issue within society about how women are treated as less than, but I was shocked watching close family members treat female babies differently to their male siblings. Any chance could be a part of your experience?

I wouldn’t want to hold a screaming baby if l felt the mother would comfort her better. My daughter had colic and screamed for 4+ months and then it stopped. No one wanted me to visit with her because l was so stressed and no one could talk. 😄 she screamed through a whole Christmas visit to my mother in laws !! Try to grow a thicker skin and concentrate on your baby …others can get stuffed and soon she’ll be calmer and happier l’m sure x

4 months old is tiny. I could never dislike a 4 month old. Some babies are trickier please don’t worry.

Baby personality says nothing about their real personality

one of mine would only be held by me, was high needs, cried if someone else just looked at him. He turned into a sociable chatty child

just let her be and meet her needs as well as you can ❤️