Don’t know what I’m doing and feel very low :-(

[WorryMcGee]

I have a 4 week old daughter. Initially I thought I was coping okay but now I’m not sure I am, and my husband is about to go back to work.

She was born via elective c section and some milk did come in but we have had so many issues (I started another thread on this) and after spending a fortune on lactation consultants, shields, supplements, you name it I have almost made peace with the fact bf is not going to happen. I have hired a pump but now have mastitis, ducts on one side that won’t unblock and severely cracked nipples on the other side (and a sinus infection yippee) I’m managing to get about 200-250ml a day so she has that and Aptimil formula for the rest.

I mention the feeding because I’m worried it’s why she’s so unsettled at night/around feeds. She shows no hunger cues at all - I really do look for them - until it’s too late and she’s screaming. We pace feed her and she screams and strains and writhes around whenever the bottle is not in her mouth. She screams when trying to wind her as I thought it might be that. She stops screaming completely when she’s not hungry but feeding her is a total stressful nightmare as it’s a fight until she’s full (she was like this on the breast as well, another one of the many reasons it didn’t work out for us - she would whack the nipple shields off or if I finally managed an okay latch she’d move). She possets a bit but it’s not projectile. When she’s not hungry she’s very calm, happy to lie in her bassinet and look at everything, naps fine and only cries when her nappy is being changed. If it was reflux she’d be uncomfortable afterwards right? Not screaming during the feed but then totally fine afterwards?

At night - and only at night - she grunts and writhes around and won’t settle. She also sounds snotty and kind of gurgly? This has gotten worse over the last week and last night was impossible - she woke up at 2:30, I fed her, and she wouldn’t settle at all - eyes like saucers and grunting/writhing/whinging whenever I put her down. This went on until my husband fed her again at 5:30 when she started screaming, and then we just got up as she wouldn’t settle again. She’s bloody well asleep now though. In her pram bassinet. Silently with no fuss whatsoever.

I was worried it was wind so tried infacol which doesn’t seem to do anything. Cycling legs, tummy massage, all the burping tricks - don’t work, just upset her. Saline drops and tilting the crib doesn’t do anything - but she doesn’t need any of this in the day anyway so I don’t understand why we have problems at night.

In the back of my mind a voice is telling me that all of this is because I’m not breastfeeding her. I‘ve gone from dreading breastfeeding her to dreading feeding her at all because of the screaming. I spoke to my GP when I saw her for the mastitis and she said it’s normal and they grow out of it? I feel so tired and ill and low 😞 sorry for the long post.

Thanks @thingymaboob I’ve not seen that one, I’ll buy it today.

I’m also wondering if I should switch her milk? We have finished the Aptimil tub, I wonder if we should switch to HIPP?

@WorryMcGee I asked my midwife about switching. She said that we could but to be prepared for my unsettledness as she adjusts to the new milk. She actually suggested mixing the two formulas for a while and gradually phasing the old one out rather than just doing it suddenly.

We are also using Aptamil. People do seem to have a lot of issues with it. However I was told that unless baby is having very odd nappies, being sick a lot and in some cases having skin issues too then it's probably not a milk allergy or intolerance.

*more unsettledness not my unsettledness (although the go hand in hand I suppose )

I use Hipp organic currently and LO seems settled with it. It's worth a try to switch but I have no advice on how to do it- luckily I see a Pp has given some advice on that.

I’m back with more questions! So we switched to HiPP and she seems better on it, burps seem to come up more easily and the grunting and straining at night is a bit better - we both think it so it’s not just me clutching at straws hoping for a miracle haha. But now something else has started - her spit up is now clear? Even if she’s upright after a feed, a bit will still come out. She’ll sleep soundly and then I’ll go to get her out of her basket and the sheet is damp, but it’s not milk. I’m worried about that now!!! What could it be, why is it clear?

That's a posset and normal.

It will get less as she gets older.

Thanks @Twizbe 🙂 I thought posseting could only be milk so got worried when it was clear! I am looking forward to the days when I can ask her if there’s any wrong… 😂

Just at add: it's just possiting and completely normal. Consider how much of the formula is water, it's just water coming up. Nothing at all to worry about.

And feed until baby naturally stops, the battle of paced feeding is absolutely unnecessary when not trying to establish breastfeeding.

My LO is just over 10 weeks old and been formula fed since birth (my choice as didnt want to breastfeed). We have always burped him after every ounce of milk, he tends to burp 95% of the time. It does take a while to feed him as hes now being burped 5 times a feed but hes never had colic & only 3/4 of trapped wind after feeding. We use Tommee Tippee bottles with anti colic teats. I remember thinking i wasnt going to cope when my husband went back to work but you get into your own routine and youll be fine 😊

Ive bottle fed both of mine- now 22 and 14. I have never heard of pace feeding. Now I’m perfectly willing to accept that many new ideas are improvements- but this does not sound like one of them. I think you were told to do this so that baby does not get used to easy bottle feeding and would go back on the breast. I was told to cup feed in hospital with DS1 for the same reason - total nightmare.
Pkease be reassured that bottle fed babies grow up just fine. My two have both been far healthier than some breastfed babies I know.
Give your baby the bottle - all of it. If you suspect colic, what worked well for us with DS2 was Dr Browns bottles and colief.
In both our DC, colic had gone by about 11 weeks so if it is that you have to get through the next few weeks. But for now, please try just giving the bottle without this repeated stopping.