Do you look back on the baby phase fondly or not?

[Scottishbump85]

FTM and my daughter is nearly 4 months. She’s generally what could be described as a “good baby” (although I hate that term), but I’m really finding it difficult. The worrying about routine, sleep, being anxious about her crying in public / at peoples houses etc.

She is currently massively fighting napping during the day and this results in her being a grump come afternoon and I just feel miserable.

I know they say everything is a phase and to “enjoy every minute”, but I’m finding it quite tough.

Do those will older children look back and realise these days passed quick and wish they had been less stressed? Help me see light at the end of the tunnel please!

Hmm, A pp's have said each stage has its pros and cons.

Newborns barely sleep so you're bloody living on another planet. Awful, the lack of sleep. Also, we had no help, and I honestly wonder how could people have lived with themselves, not helping more?! This is from close family.

When DS was a toddler he honestly never stopped moving. He was constantly walking, then running, all the time. I never say still. But he slept for 12 hours a night and a three hour nap at lunch time!

DD was a different kettle of fish, very high needs and clingy. Plus she has /had allergies which has been tough.

DS is eight and DD is now 5, it's a good age I think.

Currently in this phase so can't offer any advice, but can say you're not alone in feeling like this.

I love my baby so much and don't want to wish the time away, but I think it's totally normal to have some parts of the day you would want to fast forward if you could.

Also the guilt. THE GUILT! There's rarely a day goes by where I am not worrying about something (Are they sleeping/feeding enough? Are they too hot/cold? Am I interacting with them the right way?) and finding a way for it to be all my fault.

I look back fondly - on the whole. I was mightily impressed by their obvious superiority to other babies 🤣. I was very young when I had mine so I had a lot more stamina and that feeling of invincibility.
I don't have rose tinted glasses though.
None of mine had colic or reflux thank god, but with one exception they were Velcro babies and would only sleep on me.
I particularly recall one night with my eldest having to put him in the cot and almost run out of the room. In that second my anger toward him was frightening and I sat and bawled on the stairs while the baby screamed.
I also remember the night I gave birth to my second. Finally everything was quiet and I lay down exhausted. And at that exact moment he started crying and I thought what the fuck have I done. Cue more tears (and 8 or 9 months of PND)
But I was very lucky. They were mostly cheerful, content little people. So if I had to award those years a score, I'd say 7 out of ten.

Im missing baby stage with number 2 simply as 3.5 - 4 has been v hard work indeed!

Iirc no 1 was also tough at this stage but I've clearly mentally blocked most of it out.

You do forget so take lots of pictures and you'll remember with fondness.

Love this. What's your secret?

I don't know but mine were like that as babies too. I don't think it's anything I did... just luck and maybe low expectations? I wasn't constantly trying to put them down "drowsy but awake" or follow a routine or do much else other than look after the baby, I just carried them everywhere and let them feed whenever they wanted to.

No I hate the newborn and small baby phase. None of mine slept. You never knew how the night would go. I found myself constantly on edge. Now my youngest is three and I love all the chit chat and even if she is unwell and unable to sleep she can snuggle up with us and watch telly or YouTube and can tell us what she needs or wants. I love the preschool stage.

With DS1 yes I do, he was such an adorable baby, very contented, fed well, happy, slept reasonably well, would love to have him back as that adorable bundle just for a day!

DS2 couldn’t have been more different, screamed constantly, rarely slept, so angry and fractious all the time, and the reason why a 3rd baby was never, ever a possibility. I wouldn’t go through that first 7mths with him again for anything, absolutely dreadful time, if it hadn’t been for my wonderful late MIL support, I would have gone insane.

My two are grown-up now and completely lovely, respectful young men. They are still total opposites in personality, DS1 total chilled, calm DS2 driven, a go-getter, and one of the most determined and loving people I have ever known. They are best friends as will as close brothers. It’s worth it in the end.

With my first I missed going put for coffee with other Mums and chatting and playing with baby at baby groups but I was glad it was over as I was hugely sleep deprived and that made me very unhappy.

Six years later with my second she is easier and sleeps better so I've enjoyed the good bits without being exhausted. I'll miss having a cute tiny baby but it is pretty relentless all the getting them to nap, breastfeeding, weaning, nappies etc. I wouldn't want it to go on any longer.

It gets SO MUCH BETTER! I really struggled with not being able get stuff done (even though I had a sling, there's still day to day tasks like changing the bedding, or putting the washing out, or sorting the garden, which you just cannot do with a sling).

I felt really guilty that I was watching the clock waiting for my partner to finish work, but it gets so much easier and so much better and the best days are when they're a bit older and you get a bit more back from them with their personality ⭐

No. I even had an "easy" baby once we got the hang of breastfeeding. He ate well and slept well...and I was absolutely bored out of my mind on maternity leave. It just felt like groundhog day doing the same things over and over again for days on end. I loved DS and def didn't have PND or anything, it was just so dull and repetitive.

I think I started to really enjoy him at about 5/6 months once he could really interact. I absolutely LOVE the toddler stage though, it's so fun and I thrive on the chaos and madness of this age.

When DD was small, and constantly howling, I once had a sudden urge to throw her out of our second floor window! (You'll be pleased to hear I didn't.)

They look gorgeous at that age but the reality is knackering. They just don't give anything back, you're pouring your energies into this tiny being who seems fairly oblivious so long as they warm and full of milk.

Once they can engage with you it's more fun, though 9 months ish can also be hard when they want to crawl and walk but can't quite get there.

The way we have babies is bonkers, isolated in individual houses and suddenly presented with an infant when most people have limited experience of children. The best advice I have is to get out as much as you can, even if it's short walks round the block.

Hang in there, four months might seem like a long time but she's still teeny tiny really.

I loved the baby phase with all my 3 and it isn’t rose tinted , they weren’t super easy or anything. The first was obviously the easiest one as no other kids to look after . However… the toddler phase was so so so difficult, I had no idea how tricky things would get as soon as babies got mobile so I found 15 months to 3 quite challenging , I found it was tougher than the baby phase. They were so so adorable though , the cuteness. I love the fact that they are older now too. The toddler phase though was a huge shock!!!

Intensely hard work and I felt like a failure every day, so no not really ever missing babies. Not good at routine or the logistical workload. There were some really sweet moments though.

Toddlers are great and the teenage years are fantastic though, just the best. Basically any stage where it's best to kick back and give up on trying to control it suits me down to the ground.

Also I love having three as they are all close and play together now and it’s fab!! Hard having three together and I personally never say “it gets easier “ as it isn’t that helpful and it isn’t really true, it just changes all the time , wonderful moments and tough times. Also it’s only easier if you have one as you do it all over again every time with another and that sets you back again but definitely worth it for us.

Yes. Although at the time I was knackered and always worrying I was doing it wrong. Teenagers are a different kettle of fish, way more stressful.

Thanks again everyone for all the input! It definitely seems I’m not alone!! As a PP put it, it does feel like Groundhog Day at the moment! I am excited for weaning and her being able to play etc!

You are all wonderful!