Do you look back on the baby phase fondly or not?

[Scottishbump85]

FTM and my daughter is nearly 4 months. She’s generally what could be described as a “good baby” (although I hate that term), but I’m really finding it difficult. The worrying about routine, sleep, being anxious about her crying in public / at peoples houses etc.

She is currently massively fighting napping during the day and this results in her being a grump come afternoon and I just feel miserable.

I know they say everything is a phase and to “enjoy every minute”, but I’m finding it quite tough.

Do those will older children look back and realise these days passed quick and wish they had been less stressed? Help me see light at the end of the tunnel please!

Yes, I was very anxious and stressed with PFB, always worried about everything possible, always tracking his weight gain and sleep and room temperature and nappies and whatnot. Always preparing and planning and packing everything and the kitchen sink whenever we left the house. Those early months with second one were much more enjoyable as I realised babies are quite resilient and most of the things I stressed about didnt' really matter. (She was a horrific toddler though so I guess they all have their moments..)

I change my vote. They should market milk drunk face.

At the time I saw it as a long dark tunnel with no light at the end.
I wish I could go back an re-live that time knowing what I know now. But that's true of so many things.
Strangely, I do look back fondly even though it was tough.

I really missed my job (hospital doctor), hated maternity leave, felt isolated and bored and reduced to being a housewife.
Went back to work when DD was 4 months.
DD was a lovely baby, slept through from 8 weeks, fed well etc, but I much preferred her once she could talk and interact with me.

The hardest thing I’ve ever done! But I look back now with fondness and wish I could do it all again, but I’d not be so horribly anxious, I’d ask for help when I needed it and not feel like a failure for doing so, and I’d let the cleaning and house go to pot while I enjoyed my babies and slept when they slept (both babies born in 1980s).
Trying to be the perfect mum/wife/daughter/colleague was my big mistake and spoilt such a lot of enjoyment.

Wishing you'd spent more time being 'in the moment' is, I think, a pointless way of making yourself feel guilty and regretful. I don't mean to be harsh, and I too think like this sometimes. But it's not helpful. If you lived the moment again, you'd have the same other things on your mind, be just as tired and stressed, and it wouldn't be like those perfect mother and baby moments you see on adverts for Johnson and Johnson's.

My friend has a saying for this type of nostalgia - don't be sad it's over, be glad it happened.

My DD is 15 (years not months) and I have always 'suffered' chronic rose tinted glasses syndrome. I always cheerfully remember it as being absolutely fine and have totally forgotten all the crappy bits. I vaguely remember being tired and bored a lot, but I look back fondly.

@ludocris I think you’ve misunderstood my post.

Not at all, and it was part of the reason I didn't have any more.

You read a book to them, and it's so short you need to read it many times to fill up some time.

Lol yes those books are short on content. Mog Has A Poo. Mog Goes Out The Door. Mog Stares At A Wall For Six Hours. Etc.

I remember when DD was really little and started to stay awake a bit longer, I put her on her baby mat/dangling toy thing and she'd sort of lean her arm towards the stuffed monkey a couple of times and then start crying. My sister was round visiting and she said "aw look, she's playing with you". Like, what kind of playing is that? Moving your arm a bit and crying? That's not any kind of playing I can engage with.

But my sister was right. They have no attention span and they don't know what they're looking at. So yeah you can read them Tolstoy or Marian Keyes or whatever you fancy for yourself. That is a great benefit of being around someone who doesn't know what the fuck you're saying.

No and I don't think I've fully got over it if I'm honest. Me and my first were ill and I had very little support after hospital. I had a toddler when I had DC2 and she had an undiagnosed milk allergy for a long time and it was incredibly stressful, upsetting and sleep depriving.

Good grief, no.

Sleep deprivation is an actual known torture.

Children become more and more enjoyable the older they become. The baby stage is to be 'got through' in my experience.

though I do concede this will depend on the baby, and so many other factors.

Yes - mine are teenagers now and frankly the baby years were an absolute walk in the park by comparison

I loved the baby days. DD was an easy baby, she just slept all the time. Could take her anywhere. She smiled at everyone and was a content little thing. Teenager now... she's still pretty laid back but not as smiley!

No I don’t look back with fondness and it’s quite nice to have permission to say that - you hear the “love every minute of it” so much and it makes me feel awful because some days I really did wish it all away. There were some golden moments of cuteness and bonding cuddles etc but the sleep deprivation / being covered in milk all the time / anxiety .. I am glad it’s over. Toddler years I preferred .. love taking them on the bus or for little outings with their toddler chat. They are 7 & 3 now and I enjoyed it all so much more from about 3 onwards!
There is no right way to be. Some days go great, some days are just survival, and that’s ok.

DD's baby phase was horrendous because she had CMPA, didn't eat and didn't sleep. She was a dream from about 14mo until 3. 14mo was when we did sleep training... She still doesn't really eat at 8yrs, but we're getting there. But she's generally an angel, apart from a slight attitude developed at age 3 (when she started preschool). And she sleeps!

DS was a dream baby in comparison, although he didn't sleep either (until we did sleep training at 8mo). He ate everything, hardly cried, napped in his buggy... and then he hit about 18mo and all hell broke lose. He was a terrible two and now he's a threenager! Tantrums, aggression, not listening... I love him but he's a nightmare in comparison to his sister at the same age. But he still eats everything, and he does sleep.

I do miss them being tiny sometimes, and I know I'll miss them being the ages they are now, despite everything.

I've got three children.

I do look back on the tiny newborn phase with a sort of nostalgia I suppose. There is nothing like holding a sleepy new baby.

But you couldn't pay me to do it again, so... yeah. I'm glad it's over.

@CabbageBabbage how so? It wasn't a difficult post to understand.

@ludocris I’m not talking about feeling guilty etc- I absolutely loved every stage with my kids as I said and don’t feel guilty at all.

I was responding to OP’s concerns about the advice to “enjoy every minute” and what that means- I think when people say that they really mean something more like “appreciate every minute”, be mentally present, because it goes so quickly. That’s certainly how I feel. I try not to tell people to “enjoy every minute” because it’s not very helpful so I was trying to express it by talking about my own experience, now many years passed, which I also think is an incredibly common experience.

God, I’d love to do it all over again.

Parts of it but I'm happy not to be in that stage anymore! I see my friends gorgeous babas and I'm very happy to hand them back 😀

Yes that's what I thought you said.

My little one is 9 months and to say he is a ‘good baby’ I think is an understatement (also hate that phrase though) 🙈 For his entire life since 6 weeks old he has literally woken once during the night. Once. And that was when an interfering inlaw decided she knew best and wouldn’t let him have a nap when they came to visit one afternoon 🙄 I could literally pinch myself every day at how I got one like this, in the least smug way possible. For my whole life I’d heard horror stories about the birth, horror stories about the sleep, the nappies, the feeding etc. I had it so fixed in my mind that it was all going to be so terrible that I actually didn’t even want a baby until one random day when I decided I ‘could’ do it. I got an elective c-section arranged within seconds of falling pregnant (pretty much 🤣), I was SO scared! Looking back now I wish I’d chilled out because it fully ruined what would have been an otherwise uneventful, painless pregnancy. Mentally I was just on edge the entire time though, don’t think I took a breath for 9 months. He was then born by the most calm and painless procedure on earth and now I’ve fully recovered, my life isn’t over like I expected it to be, I’m not going about peeing myself or anything 🤣 and my baby sleeps all night every night, I just can’t believe it! There are so many people who tick none of those boxes so I am just eternally grateful and equally terrified of ever having another baby because there’s just no way I could get another one like him!

Don’t get me wrong, there are moments where I just want to be able to wash my hair for the first time that week or the dog barks while he’s napping and wakes him and I just internally scream for a second but my experience has been so so positive, I think probably added to by the fact I expected it just to be the worst thing ever! it’s almost like you aren’t allowed to talk about anything good though. If anyone asks how he sleeps and I tell them, they’re desperate to say how itl stop when he’s 1 or 2 or teething or whatever else. I might not have been quite so traumatised about having a baby if I’d heard one person ever say it was actually fine, for some people. Hope any hard times go in quickly for you and you’ll be looking back thinking it was all a doddle 😅

My girl loved her afternoon nap.Two hours every day which was good for me. When she woke up she sometimes cried but often she lay there babbling. I loved that sound. When she saw me come into the room, she pumped her arms and legs in excitement. I have never forgotten that.

Yes, tiring but I think the most special years of my life.

No, I don't look back on the baby phase fondly. I shudder, in fact and pity all parents of newborns and babies.

My two were particularly difficult in almost all aspects as babies. They are much easier after they turned 3. And quite agreeable as teenagers, with their moments. I much prefer them now.