People say I'm spoiling my 10 week old

[Nicola2182]

Am I spoiling my 10 week old baby?

I'm struggling at the minute because she will not be put down to nap, I struggle to get her to sleep in the first place and then when I attempt to put her in her Moses basket she wakes straight up. So I just hold her to sleep.
People say I'm spoiling her and that I should be putting her down as she will never learn to self sooth,

It's so difficult because if she doesn't nap on me she doesn't nap and then gets over tired and SCREAMS

Help! Any advice?

Thanks for all of your replies.
It's actually my sister, mum and MIL who are saying this.
They think my daughter will be "clingy" to me and will turn out to be shy and not want to go to anyone else.
I have told them I will do what I think is best but it was met with raised eyebrows 😑

Just a note if you do want your baby to sleep on their own, at least some of the time, maybe it's the moses basket?

My little one absolutely HATED the moses basket and wouldn't sleep in it at all. She ended up sleeping in the bassinet attachment of her pushchair. Not ideal (also something 'experts' don't recommend) but it was the only way to make her sleep without holding her constantly.

I think the slight tilt the bassinet had helped as I'm pretty sure she had a bit of reflux and it not being totally flat helped with that. Maybe your daughter has the same problem?

Mine now has been sleeping happily in a travel cot since she was 3 months, so it doesn't have to be a permanent arrangement.

My baby contact napped until 5 months, and even though I can put him down now I don't always because I like the cuddles! Of course you can't spoil a baby.

@Nicola2182 Welcome to motherhood OP ❤️ Congratulations! As you’ve already found out - EVERYONE will have an opinion on how you do it 😬😅

Honestly - cuddle your baby ❤️ Find a comfy spot in the house, start a good box set, put your feet up and relax, and let her sleep where she wants to sleep 😊 My DS napped on me until he was around 6 months. I got all the same judgement and opinions - “you’re making a rod for your own back”, “he’ll never self settle if you hold him during the day” etc 🙄
it’s absolutely not true. There came a point at around 6 months where he was getting fidgety being on me and wanted to roll and get himself comfy etc so we moved naps to his cot at that point because it seemed like the best thing to do for him but I 100% just took his lead on it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Enjoy all the cuddles and newborn smell ❤️

@Nicola2182

Research suggests the opposite: if you give a child a secure start without leaving them to cry, they won’t have attachment issues when they’re older.

I can’t understand why people treat babies as if they’re logical, or somehow able to manipulate. It’s so, so wrong, and shows such a lack of understanding of development.

Not sure if this has been suggested but I used to put a hot water basket in the moses basket beforehand and then take it out when transferring all 3 of mine into the moses basket.

I know it's tricky to get the hot water bottle done in the first instance but I used to snatch moments whenever possible and fill a few up. I always found it was the lack of heat that woke them as opposed to being moved.

Also, you can NEVER spoil your baby with cuddles, this stage goes so fast! Enjoy every moment of it.

Ah, just seen your second post.
They are jealous because they're not getting enough cuddles. And who wouldn't? Little babies are divine.

Congratulations OP, you're doing great! 💐

You can't spoil a ten week old! Trust your instincts. You're doing great.

Please don’t listen to people who tell you that you will spoil your baby - this is impossible. By being responsive to her needs what you are doing is helping her to form a secure attachment and supporting her emotional development.

My little boy is a few weeks older than your LO and I have only just got to the stage this week where I can put him down while he is asleep if I have anything that desperately needs doing around the house. I cuddle him to sleep, wait 15-20mins then slowly lower him down into a maternity V pillow so he feels like he is still being hugged! Maybe this is something you could try if you are wanting to put her down? If you are happy for her to contact nap then I say enjoy it and make the most while it lasts ☺️

You really can't spoil a baby. Certainly not by cuddling her to sleep. Let her cling and I guarantee she will grow up confident in your love and ready to take on the world.

Being judgy and disapproving about new mothers and how they do .... everything ... is a popular sport for some people. They are both wrong and rude. I'm sorry you have three of them in your life.

The official line is that you won't be spoiling your baby and I don't think you can. Babies need cuddles, kisses, to feel your warmth. In reality, from my own experience of a contact napper is that they will get used to it and that will make your life harder. It's your child and totally up to you, get a sling and see how that works so you can go about your normal tasks and still get some rest, feel human. Or you can persevere with putting them down for naps, in the same place every time, doing so consistently as you start to see their sleep signs before they start screaming. It will be a longer road and you need a supportive partner but it can be done. I'm not advocating crying it out or any similar method. You could try swaddling and look at baby nests that can be used for babies to sleep in. I coslept with my eldest, didn't with my son and with my 8 month old I finally (touch wood) have a good sleeper. Ultimately you need to do what feels right to you, there really isn't a right or wrong just how you choose to parent.

You can't spoil a baby with love. Love your baby as much as you can.

If that's the case, the majority of 10 week olds are spoilt! I try to put my 16 week old down for naps but most of then are still contact naps, or naps in the pram. It's hard getting most young babies to nap in crib or cot!

Tell anyone who tells you this to read 'why love matters' by Sue Gerhardt
That will learn them!!

DS1 was exactly like this, I swear he spent his first six months in the sling, I also got the stupid "your spoiling him, he'll never settle by himself, blah blah blah". He's now two and a half and it takes two minutes to put him to bed, he lies down, goes straight to sleep and only wakes in the night if he's ill. They're talking bollocks, and don't let them make you doubt yourself. I currently have DS2 (also 10 weeks!) asleep on my lap!

I spend both my 6 month maternity leaves cuddling my babies to nap. They literally have no understanding of being separated from you at 10 weeks, they need your comfort and your smell and honestly I needed them as well, I absolutely loved every second of contact naps! They learn in their own time eventually to sleep alone but don't let anyone tell you you're doing anything wrong!

Advice? Ignore the mad fucks. Listen to your baby and do what you both want. That's her survival system. You'll both be happier if you follow it.

Don't stress about getting her to sleep "properly" right now. At 10 weeks she still thinks she's part of you!

Something I wish I had known beforehand is that babies create sleep associations between 4-6 months. That's the time you want to really encourage sleeping in the cot. Until then just do what she needs to get through the 4th trimester. When she's a bit bigger she'll learn to sleep in her bed

Don't worry, you will always be doing it 'wrong' to other people unless you do it exactly like they did. Read the book 'born for love' by Perry and Szalavitz. And carry on, with confidence.

Ps even a chimpanzee won't put her baby down for the first 6 months of its life. And we are supposed to put them in a cot? No thank you!

Most cultures would/still do strap the baby to mum and off they go…

And agree wit @MrsPatrickDempsey Why love matters also an excellent book!

It's not possible to spoil a 10 week old, anyone who tries to tell you this just shut them down with an 'I've got this thenks'.

Our lifestyle isn’t comparable to that of a chimpanzee, chimpanzees live in the wild surrounded by predators that would have off with a tiny newborn. The cot isn’t the dangerous wild 🤣

Does a baby know that? @elenacampana