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Original poster

People say I'm spoiling my 10 week old

90 replies

Nicola2182 · 10/05/2022 20:54

Am I spoiling my 10 week old baby?

I'm struggling at the minute because she will not be put down to nap, I struggle to get her to sleep in the first place and then when I attempt to put her in her Moses basket she wakes straight up. So I just hold her to sleep.
People say I'm spoiling her and that I should be putting her down as she will never learn to self sooth,

It's so difficult because if she doesn't nap on me she doesn't nap and then gets over tired and SCREAMS

Help! Any advice?

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springtimeishereagain · 10/05/2022 21:04

What people?! Tell them that you're doing what your baby needs. Ignore them. They will soon grow out of it (the baby...)

pastypirate · 10/05/2022 21:08

My babies were like this. Dd1 was Velcro and dd2 was Velcro upon Velcro upon sticks like fuck glue. I didn't think they needed to self sooth (what a cold and heartless concept that is).

They are 12 and 9 now and I'm pretty proud of how confident and independent they are.

PassThePringles · 10/05/2022 21:08

Aww, I had a baby who was like that. I enjoyed it but sometimes you just need to enjoy a hot coffee for a change :) I used to put a worn top up under the top I was wearing so it was against my skin. Then when baby was in a deep sleep, I'd pull it out and while it was still warm and had my strong scent on it, I'd wrap it around him for a few minutes, then slowly transfer him into his moses basket. He was happy and I got almost half an hour to myself. When he was old enough, I'd do the basic housework with him in a sling. I couldn't leave a baby so young to self settle, it's our instincts to make them feel safe. Do what feels right for you.

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Sunnytwobridges · 10/05/2022 21:10

My DD would only sleep on me at that age as well. I didn't like it but I just had to grin and bear it til she outgrew it which luckily was by 3 months or so.

At that age I don't think you are spoiling them, plus anything that will give you peace and sleep you do it. LOL She will outgrow that phase, so don't listen to those who say you are spoiling her.

Mummyongin · 10/05/2022 21:12

Babies don’t learn to “self-sooth” by being left on their own.
interesting and well researched article about it here:
www.teachearlyyears.com/under-2s/view/attachment-theory

avocadotofu · 10/05/2022 21:18

You're not spoiling her!! Her behaviour is totally normal for a baby human. It's really sad how many people don't understand that by meeting your baby's needs your spoiling them. You're doing a wonderful job meeting your little ones needs.

LunaMcCluskeyShoe · 10/05/2022 21:18

Ds2 was super poorly as a baby with severe reflux and slept on me during the day until he was over 1. Never spoilt him. Once he was well enough he co-slept beside me during the day rather than on me and always settled in his cot at night.

Yes at some point they learn to self soothe, but for your baby that isn't now and 10 weeks is nothing, teeny tiny. Ds2 is a well adjusted teenager. Sleep is vitally important for your baby and for you so for now you just do what works. You can sort it out later on.

Gazelda · 10/05/2022 21:19

Who's saying that? Whoever it is, ignore them. Do what works for you and your baby.

bloodywhitecat · 10/05/2022 21:21

The people who say you are spoiling your 10 week old are idiots, ignore them and keep on doing what works for you.

MargaritasOnMe · 10/05/2022 21:31

Ha! I have a 5 month old I still hold for naps and a 2 year old I still cuddle to sleep every night. I did exactly the same with my 5yo and he sleeps really well in his own room and bed, out like a light by 7pm. I worried so much about it with him but with my third I don't give a damn what other people say /think. Do what works and cuddle your baby - you absolutely cannot spoil them at that age and I'd argue it's far more important to be responding to their needs, which for a newborn is to be held. Sounds like you're doing a great job!

HiKelsey · 10/05/2022 21:33

Ignore them, it's so hard to ignore but trust me it only makes you feel worse when you don't need to be feeling like that.

My DD has always slept in my arms or on my chest and I always got "you're spoiling her" " you're making a rod for your own back". Only what people didn't realise is she had multiple allergies and reflux which meant she couldn't settle laid down. Honestly ignore them, a sling is a good shout or I used to put one of my worn tshirts on her moses basket mattress so she could smell me. Also one of those baby swings used to help her sleep so I could pop for a wee when she napped

Only4You · 10/05/2022 21:33

You’re doing well! And o wish I had MN when my two were little to stop me from worrying I was ‘spoiling them’.

Experience has taught me, if anything, that children WILL sleep in their bed at some point. WILL learn to self settle. It’s just that it might not happen when we, adults, would them to do it. Because it’s easier/more convenient for us.

A lot of struggles are simply eliminated by just doing whatever works for you and your baby at that time.
If having a nap on you is what works now, just do it. Let baby sleep and be happy and settled when he wakes up. In a month or 3 or 10, you might find that another arrangement works better for you two. But in the mean time, use that time to do nothing and rest. Enjoy the cuddles. And cherish not doing anything at all. Because it’s ok to not always be doing something.

3luckystars · 10/05/2022 21:34

Ignore them is my advice!!!

carefullycourageous · 10/05/2022 21:36

Ignore or avoid them.

You are nurturing your 10 week old. Enjoy.

SarahAndQuack · 10/05/2022 21:37

Agree with everyone else. Who are these people who have time to comment on your parenting? And why aren't they making you cups of tea while you get the baby to sleep?!

My DD was well over 18 months before she reliably went down without falling asleep on someone's chest/tucked up so she could hear a heartbeat. It's really not strange that such a small baby will want to hear and know that you're there.

If you have a DH/DP, definitely get him in on the act, though - it's always good to share this stuff! At the least it's good to have someone who can lift the baby into the cot once you've achieved sleep, as IME the easiest way not to wake them is like that.

MadameDragon · 10/05/2022 21:38

I completely “spoilt” my babies and the transition to sleeping alone was incredibly easy, once they were the right age for it.

StephMum92 · 10/05/2022 21:39

Well if you are then so am I 😂. My 11 week old has got slightly better but she still has to be cuddled to sleep and in the day will wake up if put down. Only exception is at night when she will go to sleep in her Moses basket- why she wont in the day I have no idea!

catsnore · 10/05/2022 21:40

Is it older people who are saying this? Ignore them! Things may have been rather different in their day! Ideas may well have changed. My mum and her friend were adamant that when they were in hospital all the babies slept in their cribs and were put down for all their naps. I just think they don't remember it right!

Just follow your baby's lead. If they are happy to keep napping on you - and you are happy too, just roll with it. Get drinks and snacks, remote and phone ready and enjoy the time. Use a sling/carrier so you can still move around/do small jobs/go to the loo etc.

if not happy, experiment with naps in other places - walking to sleep in pushchair/pram, lying down on the bed whilst feeding, in the car seat etc etc. choose a time when it doesn't matter so much to experiment- like if they fail to nap and are then grumpy/overtired. There are endless threads on mumsnet on this subject if you Google search. Your baby will keep changing and what works will keep changing.

My first baby contact napped all the time, never ever had a nap in a cot (would just scream) and would only nap in the pushchair if I walked for miles! She's now a strapping 9 year old who sleeps for England and has to be dragged out of bed in the morning! 😂

Mrsmch123 · 10/05/2022 21:42

Ffs people are stupid....I had a contact napped for the first 6 months of his life. Until one day he decided he didn't need it anymore. Was rocked to sleep as well. He's 10 months old now and i plonk him in his cot, no dummy or comforter and off he goes to sleep. I heard a saying that was "to teach a baby to be independent you first have to let them be dependent" they are literally babies, they want comfort. I honestly don't know why people get a bee in their bonnet about it🤦🏻‍♀️

Peppapig7262662 · 10/05/2022 21:42

Congratulations on your baby OP!

Ignore the wankers, I cuddled my newborn to sleep for ages.

She's now 10 months and sleeps through the night (on her own).

Enjoy lovely baby cuddles they don't last long!

BonjourCrisette · 10/05/2022 21:46

People say I'm spoiling her and that I should be putting her down as she will never learn to self sooth,
It's so difficult because if she doesn't nap on me she doesn't nap and then gets over tired and SCREAMS

I'd say avoid the screaming at all costs because that way madness lies (yours not hers). Your baby will learn to self soothe when she is ready and not one second before regardless of whether she naps on you as a tiny baby or not. DD was similar until somehow a switch just flipped one day and she had apparently just got the hang of it. It did take months, mind, and nobody can stand screaming for months, so carry on doing whatever you can to minimise the screaming! You are doing a good job. Be kind to yourself and tell everyone who isn't being kind to you to bog off.

WhoIsBernieBrown · 10/05/2022 21:54

Keep cuddling that baby OP! Luckily there are some cracking shows on Netflix at the mo 😏 enjoy the rest and tell the naysayers to bugger off!

MrsMo21 · 10/05/2022 21:57

People said this to me too - they were wrong. That’s your baby, you’re her absolute world and she’s brand new; she’s going to struggle not being attached to your body, she was inside it for 9 or so months!
You’re not doing anything wrong, just try to enjoy the closeness whilst you can. Hard to imagine it I know when you’re in it but there will come a time she won’t need or want to do that anymore!

gothereagain · 10/05/2022 22:06

It's impossible to spoil a baby.

I had one contact sleeper and one dream of a sleeper- the "drowsy but awake" type. Both held as much as they wanted from day 1, both cuddled and tended to as soon as they cried. Just different babies.

Anotherusernamethisweek · 10/05/2022 22:38

If contact napping is spoiling a baby then spoil that baby.
My 16 month old is still a contact napper but he's gradually starting to nap longer in his cot and almost sleeping through a lot of nights in his cot.
I love having him in my bed though. As does DP. Luckily 🤣
Foster that bond.

(Baby started nursery a month ago, has adapted well to their sleep times. Do not worry)

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