Help! my neighbours keep calling social services on us

[Nokita]

hi everyone,
I'm a mum to a little girl who is almost two. She has been theeting (terrible pain) and been sick quite often from a couple of months. besides this we been asked by her dietitian to reduce night feeds what end up in tantrums in the middle of the night. We moved to a family neighbourhood 8 months ago and has been everything fine but we have new neighbours downstairs and since they moved in we have almost every two weeks a complain to social services and children protection services.
At first they led an investigation and closed it soon after as there was no worries (off course!). we spoke with dietitian and health visitor after the first complaint and agreed for the sake of no one complaining about the crying we would keep going with night feeds and reduce the crying.
still, we keep beeing reported and I start to live in fear, fear that my baby cries and we have another complain. this is affecting our family so much. She started to sleep in our bed, doesnt fall asleep if one of us is not there cuddling her. she understood that playing tantrums will get what she wants and we gave in just to stop her crying.
social services just told me to not worry as it's normal a baby cry specially with her conditions.
is there anything you would advise. how to find a balance between the crying, parenting and not disturbing the neighbours.

thank you so much

I'm surprised social services haven't stopped taking your neighbours seriously by now.

how to find a balance between the crying, parenting and not disturbing the neighbours.

The balance is doing what meets your daughter's needs and what is best for her. The neighbours will have to deal with it. If that means you have to reduce the feeds and the crying intensifies then so be it - it won't be forever. It's unfortunate for your neighbours but it's unfortunate for everyone.

Exactly this. Focus on your daughter not your neighbours! They are twats

Exactly what PP have said. Your daughter needs you to do what is best for her and not what is best for the neighbours.
I have worked with parents in flats, too scared to let their toddlers play so put them in a pushchair all day, which resulted in delayed development or letting them sleep in bed with them so they don’t cry but then parents getting no sleep. It is a situation that won’t last forever and if you are following professional advice and can show you are meeting your child’s needs, that has to be the priority.

I think ss have a duty to investigate reports, so would continue to take them seriously, sounds like a nightmare though I often worry my neighbours will report me as I have an autistic child who wakes up a lot in the night screaming I worry what the neighbours will think. Sorry no help but sounds very tough

Is there any way of soundproofing your flat so that the neighbours don't hear the (very natural) sound of a baby crying? There are lots of cheap ways to do this if you google soundproofing.

Exactly this.

The only thing I would suggest is to see if there are easy/simple ways you could reduce the noise levels when your child does cry (which is inevitable). Could you move where she sleeps to as far away from their bedroom as possible? Can you soundproof the floor at all? You can get various matting and underlays to put under carpet, and you can get thicker more dense carpeting as well.

If the neighbours keep reporting the noise, but you know you are following medical guidelines for your DD, then Social Services will quickly drop any investigation. Don't allow yourself to be controlled by this fear of your neighbours reporting you. It has no power over you because you, Social Services, your dietician and your health visitor know you are following the advice you've been given.

The only thing I would suggest is to see if there are easy/simple ways you could reduce the noise levels when your child does cry (which is inevitable). Could you move where she sleeps to as far away from their bedroom as possible? Can you soundproof the floor at all? You can get various matting and underlays to put under carpet, and you can get thicker more dense carpeting as well.

This. I did this in my last flat. Thankfully I was friends with my neighbours, so I apologised to them, bought them wine and did what I could to soundproof the flat.

The big thing was putting all my wardrobes against the adjoining wall. That seemed to work as a good sound buffer.

The neighbours have a right to quiet enjoyment of their home too. You don't know what's going on in their lives and they shouldn't be subjected to children screaming all night every night. That's not ok or fair. It's the ops decision to have kids not the neighbours so why should they suffer being kept up all night.

Op you need to do what's best for your child but you also need to be mindful and respectful of your neighbours. So perhaps you should find ways of keeping your child quieter at night!

Mine do as well.

It's really starting to get me down.

I don't know what advice to give because unfortunately unless you can prove it's malicious (ie they admit they're just making the reports because they don't like the noise) it seems they can keep making reports
😞

It is really distressing

Op you need to do what's best for your child but you also need to be mindful and respectful of your neighbours. So perhaps you should find ways of keeping your child quieter at night!

It's not always possible though. I think the OP does have a responsibility to soundproof the flat and maybe move things around so her daughter isn't disturbing the neighbours though.

social services and health visitors told me to keep going with their advice and that they have to follow up when a complaint is made and informing us as part of the process.

is energy draining, she sleeps with us to keep her as quiet as possible. but neither me or my partner can have a good rest. many times one of us ends up sleeping in the sofa

we spoke with our landlord in terms of soundproofing the floor to what he mentioned that there are no regulamentation in terms of sound proofing for a building of this age and there are no legal requirements that obligate him to do anything. we put rugs along the house but doesnt seem to help.

one of these days my little girl was mumbling when falling asleep and the neighbours were coping her "crying".
it made me so sad that someone is making fun of my child this way.

As others have said, your neighbours have the right to quiet enjoyment of their property. You must be making a lot of noise to make them call SS on you. You'll have to do whatever you can to soundproof the property yourself. You realise you're at risk of eviction if the neighbours start complaining to the landlord as well?

How long does she cry for?

@BungleandGeorge when we we trying to reduce the milk she would cry for a good 15 min no more, this last for not even a week. we gave up because even for us was really hard. now when she wakes up is just the time to pick up the bottle and put on her mouth. we already have bottles ready in the room.

they complaint also that during the day she cries. I think she is a normal baby, does her tantrums when she wants something she cant have. when shes sick she cries a bit more

@Applebeee when we moved we spoke with the then neighbour to understand the extend of noise when we are at home, also with the two other neighbours on the side and we adapted as much as possible to minimize the sounds.
we dont have TV or turn on loud music for example and run the washing machine/hoover just at lunch time. major noises comes from my daughter playing, talking...
we know that floor is really thin because we can heard them clearly as well.

we didnt hear anything from their landlord or ours regarding this matter, just from social services as the complain is baby crying. I would imagine that if other noises were bothering them they would complain to other entities? honestly I dont know how it works

Have you spoken to them?

@purpleme12 when we received the first complain I was in bits. the thought of someone believing I was hurting my child really hurt me. but when other complaints come from the same person I started to believe that is not that they are concerned about the baby but they dont like the noise. Is just stressful and the impact that have in our lifes and my child development is massive.

we didnt hear anything from their landlord or ours regarding this matter, just from social services as the complain is baby crying. I would imagine that if other noises were bothering them they would complain to other entities? honestly I dont know how it works

Your neighbours clearly aren't happy and their complaints could escalate to other entities / landlord. They may have already complained to the council and be gathering evidence such as a noise diary. It sounds to me like they want you out because you disturb them. If you want to stay in your flat you should do what you can to minimise the noise. Have you spoken to your neighbours to apologise and find out what disturbs them the most? Like I said below, when I had a similar issue, I spoke to my neighbours about it and we resolved it between us.

Is just stressful and the impact that have in our lifes and my child development is massive.

Is moving an option?

@Bornsloppy yes we did. after the first complain we spoke with all the neighbours around explaining the situation, that we been advised by dietitian and health visitor and we would try it for another week, then the second complain came, from the same person. I had long talks with both social services and health visitors, both mentioned I should keep following medical advice. but we gave up. She still cries twice at night and during the day when we are at home is more tantrum cry than anything else.
Still, complain keep coming

They are either very weird about children crying, have something else going on in their lives, or this is horrible malicious neighbour territory. The only way you'll find out which it is is by talking to them. If they are nice people and just super-sensitive to noise then I agree, you need to think about soundproofing. I second the idea about wardrobes, my mum always had hers on the party wall!

But ultimately, your priority has to be meeting your child's needs. I would actually start to keep a diary in case they escalate to your landlord or the council. And stop worrying about SS, they are obviously happy with your parenting - thing is, that's all they care about, they won't care about your neighbour.

@Applebeee we have 2 year contract with no breaking clause so for now is not possible. but as soon as I can I'll move.

They are calling SS basically for a noise complaint which is really horrible and a real waste of SS time. I would call them on it tbh, put a note through their door and say that although you understand it is annoying to be disturbed, if they continue to make baseless complaints to SS you will consider it harassment and will be contacting the police. They have a right to quiet enjoyment of their home, so do you. Childrens’ noise is one of those things that people just need ro live with. Please do not be intimidated by these horrible people, make it clear that you will fight back.