It hasn't been something that concerned me till DH asked, but now it's on my mind.
He wondered out loud if DS1 is happy.
He is contrasting him with DS2 who is 2 years younger and bouncy, cheerful (mostly) and spends time with us.
DS1 in contrast spends most of his time at home in his bedroom, and answers in monosyllables.
So is this normal for a 14/15 y o boy?
DS1 has friends, and spends time with them (most of Saturday and part of Sunday this weekend).
He loves him computer and phone and it is hard to drag him away from them.
He is hard to talk to, and in particular doesn't talk to DH.
He needs a lot of sleep and normally doesn't get up to lunchtime at weekends.
He is doing fine at school - never in trouble, completes homework etc.
He cycles 5 miles to school and back, plays football and goes to the gym so is getting a reasonable amount of exercise.
He is increasingly difficult to get to join in family things.
He is often rude and uncooperative but is usually pulled up on proper rudeness and will apologise.
Largely he just wants to be left alone - this is a hard one to judge as we would like to spend time with him but he can be pretty sullen/unenthusiastic.
So normal or worrying?
I have suggested DH ask him if he's happy.
For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.
Parenting
Teenage boy happiness?
axolotlfloof · 02/05/2022 11:12
lljkk · 02/05/2022 11:51
He has lots friends
He has an engaged online social life as well as real social life
Plenty of food, safe home he wants to be in (spends his time there)
Willingly goes to school & back and doesn't get in trouble there, even excels
Does lots of sport, so team mates must like him ok
That's lots of good stuff. Would you like descriptions of miserable teens, instead, to compare with?
YRGAM · 02/05/2022 11:40
As a former teenage boy I can contribute that this is totally normal!
vdbfamily · 02/05/2022 12:12
I have a 17 year old who sounds quite similar. He works out, cycles 10 miles a day to college and back and games.
Communication is mostly via grunting
I ask him at least monthly to rate his life out of 10 and he had been a seven or eight for as long as I have been doing it. Occasionally I will push conversation as to what would be needed to make it a 9 or 10!!
It is a simple way of assessing where they are without a long conversation.
titchy · 02/05/2022 12:17
Bet he laughs when he's out with his friends. Does he ever have friends over? Why don't you get him to invite some over for pizza and gaming. I'm sure you'll hear a quite animated side of him you've not heard before.
It does sound like he's living teen-boy best life ever tbh. Friends, family, tech, own room, no hassle from school, minimal parental communication. Every boys dream that!
toomuchlaundry · 02/05/2022 12:23
Sounds normal. Good that he meets up with friends. DS(17) social life tends to be online now.
Are there any tv programmes you can watch together? We are currently watching all series of Taskmaster, other hits have been Friday Night Dinner, Black Books, Live at the Apollo,
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OuchitHurtstoomuch · 02/05/2022 12:33
With teens I think you need to be constantly checking that they are ok even if they seem to be happy. I had a good relationship with my kids and was/am very close with them but I missed that one of them struggle with anxiety as they masked it so well. I feel a lot of guilt about it as there were signs had I given it more thought (they were active had friend, went out, exercised, had a partner and laughed a lot)
Can you get him to do things one on one without your DH or other son. Maybe a quick visit somewhere for a bite to eat? Doing everything in a group would put a lot of people off. I went out to play board games and have lunch with all my kids including my boys. We wouldn't go out long but we would chat and have fun.
Are you giving him lifts anywhere? I had my best chats with my kids in cars!
Do you think your DH might be the problem? Does he nag or try and control him? Is he boring or competitive? If it might be him then make sure you try and maintain your own relationship with your son. My kids (now adults) do a lot with me but don't like to hang out with DH as much. He is not as good as relating to them and is a bit uptight. They like him they just find him a bit hardwork. (He is)
Is your son planning on going to Uni? If so then that could be a great opportunity to get to know him in more of an adult/ adult relationship rather than as you being a parent.
I took my kids all over the country looking at Unis (I left them to it during the Uni day, I just provided transport as it was invariably cheaper and more convenient)
At 15/16 you really need to make sure you try and reset the relationship and not treat him as a child even if he behaves like one sometimes. No nagging and no telling him what to do with things that are his concern like schoolwork.
He sound like a good lad though.
JuneOsborne · 02/05/2022 12:48
I think it's at this age that you have to start finding new ways of enjoying some time together.
My son is a couple of years older and we've been trying to find that thing for a while.
What I've found is: he loves coffee. So, we go once a month, to a pretentious coffee place together, just me and him.
Previously, we've had a cheeky afternoon at the cinema (but it defeated the pont of being able to chat!) And we've done trips to the city centre. We've hung out in some of the cool places. We have also gone on the hunt for the best sushi together. We've hit on coffee and we now have a list of places to go!
It means we get a couple of hours together and we chat and laugh and generally enjoy each others company. Is there anything like that you could try together?
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