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Teenage boy happiness?

31 replies

axolotlfloof · 02/05/2022 11:12

It hasn't been something that concerned me till DH asked, but now it's on my mind.
He wondered out loud if DS1 is happy.
He is contrasting him with DS2 who is 2 years younger and bouncy, cheerful (mostly) and spends time with us.
DS1 in contrast spends most of his time at home in his bedroom, and answers in monosyllables.
So is this normal for a 14/15 y o boy?

DS1 has friends, and spends time with them (most of Saturday and part of Sunday this weekend).
He loves him computer and phone and it is hard to drag him away from them.
He is hard to talk to, and in particular doesn't talk to DH.
He needs a lot of sleep and normally doesn't get up to lunchtime at weekends.
He is doing fine at school - never in trouble, completes homework etc.
He cycles 5 miles to school and back, plays football and goes to the gym so is getting a reasonable amount of exercise.
He is increasingly difficult to get to join in family things.
He is often rude and uncooperative but is usually pulled up on proper rudeness and will apologise.
Largely he just wants to be left alone - this is a hard one to judge as we would like to spend time with him but he can be pretty sullen/unenthusiastic.

So normal or worrying?

I have suggested DH ask him if he's happy.

OP posts:

axolotlfloof · 02/05/2022 13:05

Donkeyinamanger · 02/05/2022 13:02

It could be entirely normal, or he could be unhappy, as it sounds like you sadly know from experience there is really no way to tell whats going on in someone else's head without asking them. I would be fairly blunt with him, and ask him to put his phone down for a bit and actually speak to you. Tell him you love him and you are worried about him. That you are happy to leave him alone to game etc in private, but that you want to know he is OK, and there is nothing going on that he needs help with. Hopefully he will be able to reassure you, but if there is something going on, at least he will know that he can come to you with it.

I think you are right.

OP posts:

Usernameismyname01 · 02/05/2022 13:35

My DS (17) is very much like this and the best way I found to keep the interaction between us with me asking lots of questions and him feeling interrogated was to keep the relationship quite light.

We have a laugh together through our phone chats/WhatsApp (it's what he's on the majority of the day watching videos/texting, so thought he would text with me) it's short little burst of interactions, we send funny memes/gifs/videos to each other and text.


OuchitHurtstoomuch · 02/05/2022 14:20

I would still say we are close, he let's me hug him, and I tell him I love him every morning as he leaves the house (to which he answers, bye)

You should be mindful that he may not like you hugging him? Some people don't like being hugged and although it's nice for you it may not be what he likes and he may be letting you because he feels you would be 'hurt' if he refused.
I have three huggy kids and one that really doesn't like it.


InconvenientPeg · 02/05/2022 21:45

I switched communication largely to WhatsApp with my son at this age. Funny memes or GIFs, I knew I was winning when he started to send some back. He's largely out the other side now but we still have great meme in jokes between us.


boonducks · 02/05/2022 21:56

You are right to ask the question but probably wrong to worry.
Don't compare to younger brother because two years is a long time at that age.
He will come back. In 2 or 3 years you'll find you have a lovely young man who speaks to adults again. Meanwhile as others have said, find something to do together.
When mi e were that age we found something to watch . Like Breaking Bad. I hated it bit pretended to love it as much as they did.
Treat him to food out (food never fails IME).
Talk to him. Even if you don't get much back, chat to him.
Try and get DH to do the same, DH and my DSs are all very geeky and can out nerd me any day though I can feign interest in anything.


familyissues12345 · 02/05/2022 22:06

I have two very different teenage boys - one who's what you would call a social butterfly, loads of friends, always out, at his happiest with people - he's 18, but always been like that

Youngest is 13, total opposite, finds people hard work, has a few friends , absolute happiest in his room (actually has to take time out if we've had a busy day).

I've worried about DS2 for a long time, mainly due to the way his big brother is. Ive now realised it's ok, he's introverted and likes a quiet life!

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