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Parenting

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Original poster

What's your thoughts kids inviting them selfs over

61 replies

Watfo · 30/04/2022 15:54

Just had an akward situation for the last hour where a friend of my daughters rolled up at our door step there both only 8! I phoned the mum and she was fully aware of this.

I was always brought up that you don't invite your self to someones house and you don't invite someone round untill the parents either mums or dad or whoever is the adult speak to each other and agree its ok . They was both talking in the garden so whether shes gone to her mum and said "i said its ok im not sure"

What's your thoughts on this ???

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LadyMonicaBaddingham · 30/04/2022 15:56

Did you really never go and 'call for' a friend as a child?

whatuser · 30/04/2022 15:58

Completely normal

nomistake · 30/04/2022 16:02

If they were talking in the garden then I'm assuming you're neighbours? If so then yes it's entirely normal, I encourage my kids to speak with neighbours kids and have them round

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WeAllHaveWings · 30/04/2022 16:03

They are not inviting themselves they are asking if your child wants to play. You can let them out to play, invite her in or say it is not convienent right now.

Original poster

Watfo · 30/04/2022 16:03

I didn't no I grew up in a huge city and it just never happenedprobably because it wasnt safe to jusy play out side we're in the countryside maybe im just not use to it.

My sons friends have also knocked in the past
I spoke to my parents about this and they agreed that you don't invite your self round

OP posts:

ApolloandDaphne · 30/04/2022 16:04

Perfectly normal. I did it when I was a child and my DDs and their friends did it growing up. If you don't want them in then house as you are busy just say so. If not then it is nice for your DD to have someone to play with. I used to feed any child at my house over mealtimes too. It's just what we all did.

Skyeheather · 30/04/2022 16:04

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 30/04/2022 15:56

Did you really never go and 'call for' a friend as a child?

We didn't have mobile phones back then and phoning was expensive (I'm guessing as we had an egg timer next to ours and you were only allowed one minute).

I wouldn't like this either, I hate it when anyone calls round unannounced! I would expect the parent to send a quick text to check it's okay first.

moresugarpls · 30/04/2022 16:04

This was normal when I was a child (in the 90s). As kids we used to call for each other all the time, especially when the weather was warm.

As long as they were well-behaved, I wouldn’t mind if my DCs friends came round.

Original poster

Watfo · 30/04/2022 16:04

nomistake · 30/04/2022 16:02

If they were talking in the garden then I'm assuming you're neighbours? If so then yes it's entirely normal, I encourage my kids to speak with neighbours kids and have them round

Kind of neighbours bar a few doors but they all have low fences so can see each other

OP posts:

Ihaveoflate · 30/04/2022 16:05

We called for local friends from about that age. It went something along the lines of 'is Ihaveoflate playing out?' and the parents either said yes or no.

LongestBedtimeStoryEver · 30/04/2022 16:05

It was completely normal where I grew up, we were always going to call on the neighbours and asking if xxx could come out to play (in a safe close, in view of all the houses, and everyone knew everyone well). But, I would be surprised and a bit pissed off if it happened now with my kids, mostly because we don’t have kids friends as close neighbours so they would be completely away from their own houses if they wandered round to us. They’re still young though, may change as they get older.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/04/2022 16:06

It's rude in my book. I would never allow my child to just pop in at someone's home. We have phones, use it.

CuriousCatfish · 30/04/2022 16:06

It's perfectly normal for kids to call for their friends. You don't need to issue a formal invitation.

KarmaComma · 30/04/2022 16:07

Spent my whole childhood calling for friends or them calling for me - usually to play out but sometimes ended up at one of our houses. I'm a bit sad that my own kids don't do this and I have to instigate every 'play date'.

RampantIvy · 30/04/2022 16:07

Nothing wrong with this. It's better than your child having no-one to play with. If you don't like having other children in your house maybe you shouldn't have had children.

ZenNudist · 30/04/2022 16:08

Completely normal and nice when my friends came round and said is x playing? 80s/90s.

DragonMovie · 30/04/2022 16:09

Totally normal. I don’t think 8 year olds mind being told it’s not a good time if it’s not a good time.

Original poster

Watfo · 30/04/2022 16:10

RampantIvy · 30/04/2022 16:07

Nothing wrong with this. It's better than your child having no-one to play with. If you don't like having other children in your house maybe you shouldn't have had children.

I don't like it currently I've 2 broken legs the parent knows this it put me on the spot and I do not have the energy to be child keeping

OP posts:

DockOTheBay · 30/04/2022 16:10

I think its fine as long as they went away when you said "no".

BertieBotts · 30/04/2022 16:11

It's normal and fine for a child to come and knock and ask if your child can play out or round theirs.

Not normal for that child to expect an invite in. Though if you don't want your child playing outside you could offer this instead. But it's not expected.

oatlattetogo · 30/04/2022 16:18

RampantIvy · 30/04/2022 16:07

Nothing wrong with this. It's better than your child having no-one to play with. If you don't like having other children in your house maybe you shouldn't have had children.

🙄

There’s a big difference between not wanting other children in your house at all and not wanting them turning up unannounced and uninvited.

It wasn’t normal for me growing up OP, but it obviously is for lots of other people. I think the main reason I wouldn’t like it is I would feel guilty saying ‘no’ if it wasn’t convenient, but I guess that’s my problem!

CuriousCatfish · 30/04/2022 16:21

The two broken legs was quite the drip...

ApolloandDaphne · 30/04/2022 16:23

Surely if you have broken legs it is nice for your child to have someone to play with so you don't need to entertain her? At 8 they can pretty much be left to get on with playing and can get most things they need for themselves? If you are not up for it just say it's not a good time and she has to go home or have your DD to play at hers.

WithFlamingLocksOfAuburnHair · 30/04/2022 16:31

It's lovely in my book when the kids call for each other and I'm delighted that my daughter has a friend on the road that she can do this with. Her friend spends loads of time in our house but it's not with the expectation of being entertained, house clean or tidy for visitors, etc. They just do their own thing and if it suits me to feed her I do, or just send her home when it doesn't suit. My daughter does the same in her house. It's very relaxed, lovely for them and great for us as my daughter is entertained when her friend is here. I think your expectation of formality about the arrangement is over the top, if it doesn't suit you just say no to the kid and send her home. But you'll miss out on all the benefits and over time your daughter may be the kid left out as other local kids call for each other and play out and in each others homes.

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 30/04/2022 16:33

It's totally normal. It's also fine for you to say, "Not today, maybe some other time."

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