To be upset by this or not?

[Muma2one]

So to give a bit of background information, my dd is 2 and the only way to get her to sleep is to breastfeed her to sleep. Which I am happy with unless she is feeding for a long time to get to sleep and not showing any signs of drifting off. Which is what was happening last night. She started to say that she wanted to go downstairs and see daddy. Instead we asked him upstairs to read a story, after 5 minutes he said I’m going downstairs now, I’m not wasting any more of my Saturday night up here. I said that that wasn’t really very supportive. He then said you come down as well then. After about twenty more minutes I went down with her as well and shortly after he disappeared upstairs. I just want him to be more of a help with bedtime and at least try and get her to sleep if breastfeeding isn’t working that night. Am I being unreasonable?

Yabu

@VanLife what makes you think think that?

At two years old I’d be expecting a child to be going to bed and going to sleep. They don’t need food to go to sleep.

Feeding to sleep at 2.5 years is awful for you both, I suggest you work on getting her to self-settle so you can both have some child free time in the evening. It won't be easy and t might take a week or two to work but consistency is key. You must be shattered, it will be totally worth it to be able to put her to bed at 7 and then have all evening to yourself.

Yes I would be fed up with that too like your DH, sorry OP. Two is old enough to settle without breastfeeding.

Your DP is right. When are you planning on stopping this lengthy bedtime routine? It's intrusive into your evening and really not necessary. Stop doing it. It will be hard for a few days but your DD will get used to it.

I agree you need to put a stop to the feeding to sleep at her age

i think many two year olds feed to sleep still. I’m sure lots of children have a cup of milk before bed as well. She hasn’t learnt how to self soothe yet and we are going to be working on that in the summer, but what I was wanting from my partner last night is to try himself to get her to sleep as feeding her wasn’t working and I am always the person to do bed time.

Yeah I couldn’t put up with that either. You need to set some boundaries for your DD.

But if she BF’s to sleep, dad isn’t going to be much help. And my children never had milk before bed at that age.

Yes you’re being unreasonable
Im a mother to a two year old. I breastfed. I think 2 is too old to be feeding to sleep every time and

I too wouldbe pissed at these lengthy bedtimes at this age.

your partner won’t be able to do anything or to help until you wean her off you. It’s unfair to expect him to.

I think the problem is that the breastfeeding is obviously something only you can do. So perhaps he feels like you've chosen this path to get her to sleep yet want to involve him too.

I agree with PPs that at this age, she should be going to bed without that (and I say that as a mum who was still feeding her 18 month DS during the night just to get him to sleep - so I am sympathetic!) so it might be worth having a conversation with your DH and saying you'll stop the feeing, but trying to find a different technique you can both get on board with and implement, that won't be so drawn out and protracted.

Most nights she is asleep within two minutes of breastfeeding and we have the whole evening to ourselves so breastfeeding to sleep isn’t the issue. Many of my friends children still breastfeed to sleep. It’s the fact that she was refusing to go to sleep and I wasn’t getting the support and was rudely spoke to by my partner.

A cup of milk isn’t the same as feeding to sleep.

A cup of milk before bed isn’t the same, she’s not having a breastfeed then settling to sleep on her own, the difference is feeding TO SLEEP.

Does she not brush her teeth afterwards?

Look, you do whatever works for your family. If bf to sleep works for you, fab.

Your DH not wanting to help-is there more to this?

I don't think yabu and you didn't post in AIBU, so not sure why other posters are being a bit unkind here.

You needed some help, asked for it and got a shitty response. That sucks.

i think many two year olds feed to sleep still

Why do you think this? I know of not a single one. It's much more common for two year olds not to feed to sleep than it is for them to feed to sleep. You are in the minority. Also, why wait til summer to tackle the self settling? Start now.

But by continuing to breastfeed to sleep, you've made it so that you are the only one to be able to do it. What are you wanting him to do on a day to day basis, if you're breastfeeding to sleep?

As I said before, perhaps it's time to try a different method that can involve both of you

Do you do all the bedtimes? DH and I alternate, I bf on my nights but not on his. I found it really helped me stop getting frustrated with it.

Maybe he is frustrated by the bigger picture however? That he’s dragged in at times like this to help, but is essentially unable to because she’s still so dependent on you..

If you all want to break the association between breastfeeding and sleep, then your husband needs to be more proactive and taking over at bedtime surely? Not leaving it to you then complaining about how long it takes.

I'd suggest you talk to him about how much easier it would be to wean her off that last feed if he could put a bit of time and effort into getting her to sleep himself and see if you can come up with a plan you're all happy with.

Get used to it. Night time wake ups nearly always default to the mother.

Op my baby is 2 and 2 months and still feeds to sleep. Don't worry, the culture is so strong that babies should be weaned at 6 months and sleeping in there own rooms that anyone who does differently is seen as completely bonkers.

Your husband is being a lazy twat

Really normal for bf two year olds to feed to sleep. Of course it doesn’t stop your dp from doing some nights - your dd knows he has no boobs and so they find their own way. This is very normal too. I would be a bit affronted if dh saw bedtime as a waste of time, it’s a lovely chance for a cuddle, story or a chat.

No she doesn’t brush her teeth afterwards as she is asleep. Her teeth are white and un stained and only ever has milk or water. Last night we discussed getting her to sleep without as it wasn’t working like it does. I have been able to get her to sleep without feeding but DP was not willing to help.