Toddler shrieking with happiness off-putting for other children

[FlyingHigh55]

Wondering what to do? My almost 4yr old ds is a happy little boy who shreiks a lot. In the last 6 or 7 months he yells loudly and screams when he's happy or excited. As an example if we go to a water park, he screams with happiness, yells things like, " I'm getting wet " "aghhhhh" or just shreiks while running around. This can go on for hours.

the problem is its very off-putting for the children around him.

DS then tries to play with the other children around him but they mainly seem to back off with all the screaming.

He is an only child who goes to nursery ( he does not scream etc there ). Our social bubble is his nursery classmates, but unfortunately for various reasons he had only ever had 4 or 5 play dates. During lockdown we would go to the local playgrounds and he would play really well with children around him, ( no screaming etc), but most of our local playgrounds have been "temporarily" closed for the last year or so.

I had covid 6 months ago and I am still not fully recovered with various resulting health issues so we don't go out more than once a week, and mainly outdoor venues ( zoo, parks etc so no soft play etc), as I don't want to catch covid again.

He tells me he has no friends and he is upset by it.

I'm not sure how to explain or even if I should explain to him that the shouting is offputting?

Any suggestions welcome.

You just need to tell him to use his inside voice every time.

The nursery will use that phrase or a similar one - ask them what they do when he's shouting or being noisy and use the same words as they do.

It'll take consistency and you'll probably have to do it for a while before he gets it.

Good luck.

At almost 4 he is not a toddler. If he is running around shrieking for hours he may not NT and it’s worth discussing this with HV.

Tell him to stop? My just turned 4yo would easily understand "stop screaming/use your inside voice/less noise please/the other children don't want to play with a shouty boy". They don't allow loads of shouting at nursery or school so I'd be consistent with messaging when you're with him too.

I agree when inside use the phrase "indoor voice" over and over as a reminder.

Also I'd try and do a lot more outdoor stuff. I know you said local playgrounds are closed but do you have open spaces etc he can run around? Take a ball etc.

And perhaps think of enrolling him in an activity that channels his energy but where he also will have to learn not to shout. Something like gymnastics, football or swimming?

Some children are just louder than others at this age IME. (Decades of working with them!) those who are neuro typically developing do learn the skills in the end - usually by school age. Those who aren't often learn them later if they have the understanding.

It may just be he has excess energy from holding it together during nursery with a combination of you not being able to get out as much. Hopefully as you start to recover some more and he starts school it'll naturally resolve itself.

Hope you feel better soon

He's a preschooler not a toddler.
How many days a week is he at nursery?
Are you saying that apart from nursery he only goes out to a park or other "fun" place once a week? He's at home apart from that?
I sympathise with your health issues but you must prioritise enabling him to get out more. Can his father take him out? What about extended family?
He needs to learn to curb the shouting/screaming as everyone has advised but it will also be easier for him if he gets more outings. At the moment I'm guessing there's a lot of pent-up energy that he's releasing. Perhaps with more outings he'll be a bit calmer about if and can practise regulating his shouts/screams.

I have a loud and hyperactive 5yo, btw, and regular exercise is pretty key for us.

I don’t think a shrieking/shouting 4yr old on its own is enough to indicate ND, kids like shrieking/shouting🤷‍♀️.

OP you have to tell him as factually as you can, other people are upset/afraid of the noise he makes when he surprises them/is too close and it hurts their ears. Reinforce that whenever you can so he can learn when it’s not appropriate.

Its a difficult one for some of them to learn but as they grow and get louder it has to be dealt with and if he’s not naturally making the connection from social cues you have to teach it. Kids don’t take this kind of thing quite as personally as adults and quite often you’ll find they’re pleased to have the mystery solved.

Not for hours at a time.

When you say you don’t go out more than once a week, does that mean that other than nursery he’s at home all week ? Does he do long days at nursery or is there the opportunity to do something with him afterwards ? Can you try to get him to use his indoor voice but also increase his socialising outside the classroom ?

@Duracellbunnywannabe I took the OP’s description as using his voice whilst physically active for the duration of him playing. On its own, for a child not getting desired interaction from peers I just don’t think that’s something to start pinning a diagnosis to, particularly if he hasn’t had it spelt out to him.

Maybe the OP has observed more which would tie a few things together but taken on its own it makes sense to take it as its own issue in the first instance and if unresolvable consider it deeper.

I agree with others that you need to tell him to be quieter, you may need to keep reminding him.

Is his dad around to take him out a bit more. Are there any 'big' playgrounds in the local area he can go and have a few hours at with a picnic etc. how about swimming etc? He could also do a couple of clubs like super strikers, rugby tots, gymnastics, swimming lessons etc which will give you a break.

Would it be worth trying to mention to him that some children are nervous of loud noises? Other than that keeping on mentioning the indoor voice would be the first thing to try here.

4 is old enough to start training him out of it. Repeat:

No shrieking please.
Please don't shriek loudly, it hurts peoples ears.
Please remember your indoor voice.
Try to remember not to be loud around other people, they don't like it.

Etc etc.

He screams with excitement outside when doing an activity he loves, so only when he's excited, or trying to play with other children. Otherwise he's a very quiet little boy. There's no ND.

Yes I'm going to start, he seems to clam up completely when I tell him to stop shouting... but I've not told him to use his inside voice... so that may be the way forward

Yup exactly, I think I'll start with that. For some reason i just didn't think of the way they would do it in school. Otherwise he just clams up, if I tell him to talk quieter etc.

That is definitely going to be difficult for other children to tolerate and that obviously could result in some social isolation for your son.

I think really the only thing you can do is to make him aware of the impact his behaviour is having for him - less friendship opportunities for him and for others it is intolerable and just keep working on it. Being honest if if he was ND the process is the same but maybe if it is a stim it might be completely unconscious so the awareness becomes very difficult.

It might be worth finding out how the nursery phrase it

He understands, is just that even if you tell him nicely, before play or during play or after.... he seems to just go quiet, and not play with anyone... almost the extreme opposite.
I will try asking him for his indoor voice...

Have you had his hearing checked?

He's 4 not 18 months. Tell him to stop and if he doesn't remove him from the situation every single time until he learns.

It's completely unacceptable to shriek at 4. Is there something wrong with him? Does he have additional needs?

You need to take him out more and organise more play dates. Only going out somewhere once a week for him doesn’t sound enough for him, and only socialising at nursery isn't enough. He needs to learn how to act and interact with other children outside of nursery.

Thank you, yes I feel its excess energy and little socialisation. He goes to nursery everyday 9 to 3 pm.

But I can't really go out more than once a week with him. I am planning to put him in some classes like football etc in the summer. But for now with covid cases so high I am still quite worried. I am hoping socially he will catch up. In your experience working with kids do you feel that's the case?

Children can catch up socially quite easily in education settings. Lots of children start school having had very little socialisation and that's been more evident this past few years with covid.

Your ds goes to nursery and you say he isn't generally like this there so he understands. Sometimes kids just get into habits!

Do you have a garden or outside space where you live? Just running around will help him get rid of the energy.

Or even perhaps buy an indoor trampoline?

Try not to be negative about it, no don’t/no etc and use positive phrases and praise him when he is more quiet. Practise being excited without shrieking as there really is no need and it is off putting. If he goes quiet you could distract and redirect him. Perhaps have short trips to the park to practise and be really positive and praise him a small treat if it goes well. It’s a bit exhausting but I think he needs to know he’s not in trouble but he does also need to learn as at 4 he’s too old. However he can still be excited and enjoy himself. If he doesn’t do it at nursery then he can manage to hold it back there so it’s not impossible.

"I can't really go out more than once a week with him."
Why on Earth not? And you haven't asked my question about whether his father or other family members can take him out more often?

Reading between the lines, it sounds as if your anxiety about covid is a major factor and could be having a detrimental effect on his well being.

If you are vaccinated and not clinically extremely vulnerable, you need to prioritise his needs over your fears.