Toddler shrieking with happiness off-putting for other children

[FlyingHigh55]

Wondering what to do? My almost 4yr old ds is a happy little boy who shreiks a lot. In the last 6 or 7 months he yells loudly and screams when he's happy or excited. As an example if we go to a water park, he screams with happiness, yells things like, " I'm getting wet " "aghhhhh" or just shreiks while running around. This can go on for hours.

the problem is its very off-putting for the children around him.

DS then tries to play with the other children around him but they mainly seem to back off with all the screaming.

He is an only child who goes to nursery ( he does not scream etc there ). Our social bubble is his nursery classmates, but unfortunately for various reasons he had only ever had 4 or 5 play dates. During lockdown we would go to the local playgrounds and he would play really well with children around him, ( no screaming etc), but most of our local playgrounds have been "temporarily" closed for the last year or so.

I had covid 6 months ago and I am still not fully recovered with various resulting health issues so we don't go out more than once a week, and mainly outdoor venues ( zoo, parks etc so no soft play etc), as I don't want to catch covid again.

He tells me he has no friends and he is upset by it.

I'm not sure how to explain or even if I should explain to him that the shouting is offputting?

Any suggestions welcome.

I feel very sorry for him tbh

Can I clarify, is he at the water park alone (you haven't gone with other kids particularly?) If so....why can't he be loud there? He is expressing his fun. He is showing you he is having a good time.

In my experience there are some kids who are good at making friends where ever they go and some children are less good at this skill. My kids for example always prefer to play with people they know - so would never play with a random child at a water park. My nephew finds friends wherever he is. So don't let that be a measure of how well other kids like him.

If however you are talking about kids you have gobe with, I find the best way to help my kids if we were doing this would be to meet up with the friend somewhere else first where it is quiet and my kids get over their shyness. Then when they are comfortable and have started playing with the other child/children to then go to the water park. Then they all play nicely together. Just turning up to a busy place where some kids are already comfortable never really worked for us.

(If him being loud is just his natural self....he will find his people....there are all sorts of different kids at school.)

If you are vaccinated and not clinically extremely vulnerable, you need to prioritise his needs over your fears.

this. It’s not fair on him to miss out on activities and social interaction. Let him do an activity. He’s in nursery anyway which will probably be your biggest covid risk.

He's not a toddler but if he's cooped up all week I can understand his excitement. Take him out more, you need to let go of the Covid issue.

If your not going to help, then be judgemental somewhere else. You don't know my health and I have no intention of making it public.

Keep your negativity to your self.

I am asking advice online because I am concerned for him, love him and doing my best in my circumstances.

@FlyingHigh55 It could be a stim

He doesn't have to actually have any problems for it to be related to that. I use to stim as a child, quite significantly. It feels good and is soothing

So it'll be harder to correct or distract

That's what I'll tell my body next time I'm in hospital.. "let go of the covid issue".

Please think before you write such a post, what would be kind for a person who has struggled through these days.

I didn't know what is a stim so I goggled it. I feel he's anxious so screams and yells as he feels that gives him confidence. Do you think that's it? Does Stim it happen only in certain situations?

If you are predominantly taking him to outside places, is the phrase "use your indoor voice" going to confuse him? He isnt indoors.....

If he screams and yells because it gives him confidence, maybe you can work out another way that does the same? I've had to do this for a few of my own child's security behaviours - identify the need and make sure it is met in a more socially acceptable way.

It's lovely your son is having so much fun but if he does literally yell for hours, it is going to be off-putting. What does nursery ask him to do when he's loud? Maybe they have found something that helps?

How’s that helpful?

NT or ND the child clearly needs help to address the core issue to meet his needs, would the process be massively different if he were ND?

OP do you have a performing arts class near you? These can be great for building confidence and social skills. My dd does one for the singing/dancing and it could be brilliant for something like this because when they’re learning their songs and movements it’s all very exaggerated to communicate different emotions and atmospheres and explained along the way. Plus it’s just fun to have a dance about. There’s a fairly even mix of girls/boys from preschooler age to about 7.

Thanks mumdiva I'm so concerned I've not given him the same social interaction I should have, but circumstances have been such.

We just turn up at water parks and playground alone.

He plays well with his nursery friends, and until 7 or 8 months ago he'd play very well with unknown children. It's only now wirth the unknown children around that he screams.

You may be right it's a child thing, maybe we will try and go places with other children from nursery that he knows.

Thanks

Mine never play with unknowns in a park. (Sometimes they don't even want to play themselves if the park is busy).

The only difference maybe if your son wants to join in with other kids. But then maybe you can start a conversation with another parent with 1 child and gently introduce your son to their child....sort of help them to start playing together.

And remember your boy is only 4. That is very young. He is still learning how all this works. Don't tell him off. Don't stop him being excited. Just gently redirect him. Interact with him and model the behaviour you want to see too - if you are unable to do that maybe another trusted adult or older child can come with you to do it. -- make sure there is lots of positive praise and pay him lots of attention....not saying you do this at all..mbut if you are kn your phone for example he might jist be shrieking for your attention too.

I wasn't being judgemental or negative. In my first post I said I sympathise with your health issues. I have also made constructive suggestions. I'm telling you that your son needs more opportunities to get out and about, and you need to enable this to happen somehow. I was asking if anyone else could take him, since you said you are unable to, and since you ignored that question, I wondered if the problem might actually be your anxiety about covid and not much else. It seems I've touched a nerve. I am sorry that you've been so unwell with covid. But in my opinion you can't "fix" your son's behaviour without also meeting his needs.

Good luck to you.

I'm not sure how to explain or even if I should explain to him that the shouting is offputting?

Why would you not?

It's quite simple, you just say "Jamie, not so loud lovely." He will soon get the hang of it.

It is better if you can address it now because, once he gets to school, chances are peer pressure will put an end to it. Children are quite blunt with telling each other when their behaviour goes against the norm. It will be much gentler coming from you.

How do you know for a fact there is no ND?

sounds like he isn’t getting enough stimulation and when he does, he reacts with this shriek. You really need to prioritise taking him out. A 4 year old at home 3pm-bedtime everyday and all weekend will be ridiculously bored!

My child shrieked with joy at age 2-3. Adorable. Unfortunately not socially acceptable and we had to train him that when other people are near you use a little
voice and when they’re far away you can have a big voice. He got the hang of it eventually.

Just part of learning to fit in with others, like wearing clothes in a heatwave or not snatching.

He’s probably screaming as he’s so excited if he only gets out once a week, but it will be very off putting to other children, poor lad. You need to teach him better social skills, set up some play dates and also get out more, it’s not fair and your anxiety is doing him a disservice. Covid is part of our lives now, we need to get on with it and not let our children suffer anymore.

He goes to nursery so will be getting lots of socialisation there op. Also, try not to worry about him playing alone - pre-school kids haven't yet developed the skills to manage interactive play without adult input yet.

I'd be interested to know if his noises are so different to the other kids or if you are perhaps feeling worried and self-conscious and it is magnifying the sound for you?

You could suggest that when he's outside and feels excited, he could come and tell you he feels happy/excited - encourage him to share his feelings before they build up into a shriek.

Also, I have a disabled son who has to wear ear defenders anywhere there are kids under 7 years old.

I can categorically confirm many kids are noisy shriekers, you are not alone

@emmakenny

He's 4 not 18 months. Tell him to stop and if he doesn't remove him from the situation every single time until he learns.

It's completely unacceptable to shriek at 4. Is there something wrong with him? Does he have additional needs?

FFS there are some deeply unpleasant responses on here. This being just one example.

I don't have much more to add to what the kinder PPs have suggested OP, but just wanted to say ignore those who are making snidey comments about him being ND (and I don't mean those who have suggested it, I mean those who have phrased it so disparagingly), and those who have berated your use of the word 'toddler'. It sounds to me like you just have a happy and excitable little boy who gets a bit OTT with his vocalisations at times!

Thanks ludocris, I am not English and this level of sheiking and excitement is very normal where I am from. But here in England is very different. Thank you for your kind words. Your right im just looking for a kind and encouraging way for him to fit in more and enjoy the time he does have out in parks etc; without fully curbing his spirit.
:-)

My DD has had her very loud moments (She takes after me.) So we practice.

First we practice doing the quietest whisper we can. Then a normal indoor voice. Then a big voice. Then the a shout. Then they loudest shout in the world. Then we talk about which ones is suitable for the situation we're going into, and practice that some more.

Sometimes, if the impulse to shout is just too strong, I'll take her outside / a little way away from the situation and get her to do the loudest shout she can to get it out of her system. It works so well.

He doesn’t shriek and scream at nursery because it wouldn’t be tolerated and he knows it. I wouldn’t have a shrieker round to play with my kids-can’t abide it, and I can’t abide the parents who tolerate it either