Toddler shrieking with happiness off-putting for other children

[FlyingHigh55]

Wondering what to do? My almost 4yr old ds is a happy little boy who shreiks a lot. In the last 6 or 7 months he yells loudly and screams when he's happy or excited. As an example if we go to a water park, he screams with happiness, yells things like, " I'm getting wet " "aghhhhh" or just shreiks while running around. This can go on for hours.

the problem is its very off-putting for the children around him.

DS then tries to play with the other children around him but they mainly seem to back off with all the screaming.

He is an only child who goes to nursery ( he does not scream etc there ). Our social bubble is his nursery classmates, but unfortunately for various reasons he had only ever had 4 or 5 play dates. During lockdown we would go to the local playgrounds and he would play really well with children around him, ( no screaming etc), but most of our local playgrounds have been "temporarily" closed for the last year or so.

I had covid 6 months ago and I am still not fully recovered with various resulting health issues so we don't go out more than once a week, and mainly outdoor venues ( zoo, parks etc so no soft play etc), as I don't want to catch covid again.

He tells me he has no friends and he is upset by it.

I'm not sure how to explain or even if I should explain to him that the shouting is offputting?

Any suggestions welcome.

I agree with the PP who said that some of the comments on this thread are awful.

It's pretty normal for children to be noisy when they're overexcited, and regulating that noise is a skill they learn. However, for some children with disabilities, it's harder or even impossible for them not to scream and shout excessively.

Comments like Toddlerteaplease are offensive.

I think it’s interesting you referred to him as a toddler. Do you think you’re expecting less of him? Do you insist he stops screaming? As in ‘X not so loud’ or ‘X use your inside voice’ if he carries on ‘X, that’s very loud for all of the other children. It’s lovely you’re so happy but you don’t need to scream!’ And repeat. You’ve identified it’s annoying for other children so it’s important to help him realise this without making it a big deal.

it’s a great opportunity to teach him to think about others. Would he like it if other children kept screaming?

Do you think he’s overly excited because going out with you has turned into a big event? Could you go out more often?

Hi 1AngelicFruitCake yup I wish I hadn't used the word toddler, english it's not my first language but i guess he's a young child not a toddler ( I had thought to around 4 it's a toddler) ds will be 4 on July.

He is loud when he's happy, I used to be the same. I don't shout at him but have said things like "shhhh", " don't shout" " quieter please" but he just gets upset and says things like "but why I want to shout when I'm happy".

Since getting advice here I've decided to try and explain how other kids will feel, explain that they may feel upset, ask to use his inside voice will help to make friends. When we were away he was free to shout etc when happy as that's how children are where I'm from. The UK is different and he needs to understand that. But a lot of this Behaviour I feel has stemmed from when I got sick and he felt upset. He asks a lot if things die etc and seems to now want to scream loud and laugh loud when he's very happy. I understand that. But I thought I'd try to see when we are out he gets to interact with other kids.

I am trying to get out more but it's very difficult and to be honest I am prioritising him / parks etc when we go out. But more than once a week is too difficult for me health wise. I don't have help or family around.

Thanks for the useful advice. It's good to hear others advice :-)

Telling a child to stop shouting means they will do exactly that. So then tell them what you do want them to do. Make it clear and consise.

Cornettoninja, thank you that's a very good idea, performing classes, dancing, singing...I don't know why I didn't think of that. He loves singing at home, and we play " dancing games" all the time. I think he would really take to them.

You sound lovely. Try not to be hard on yourself. It might be this is something that you can get school to help tackle when he starts. Hopefully as he matures he will start to notice other children don’t like the noise he’s making and if he doesn’t children will probably just tell him!

also think it’s important you teach him to think about you as well. So telling him not to scream because it’s too loud for you is also something to think about. He’s not too young to think about you.

@ChaosMoon That is one of the loveliest and most useful things I’ve read in here for ages!

I don't know how useful this thread is - lots of posters saying 'I wouldn't tolerate it' and online performance parenting.

He is too young to make friends in the park - kids that age are developmentally self-focussed. As he grows he will learn the nuance of social interaction but he really is too young right now.

Just keep reminding him to keep the noise down (I used to tell mine that my ears would drop off if they kept being too loud).

You are doing great op, you son sounds fab and I would just try and enjoy him.

They are little for such a brief time.

I agree with this. Your child is obviously taking what you say literally. Ensure that you explain what he can and can't do when hes with other children. Saying 'don't shout, don't scream' isn't working

god I can’t abide screaming (NT) kids in indoor places. We have a cafe nearby with a small soft play and there are kids 4+ chasing each other and screaming at the top of their lungs. Parents on their phones ignoring it. I hate going there (but my kids love it).

at least you’re trying to do something about it OP. I feel a bit sorry for your boy because he sounds like such a happy little soul. You’re doing your best so don’t be too hard on yourself (and they get a lot of what they need from nursery)

Thank you @LeaveYourHatOn! ☺️

Thank you all for your comments especially the helpful ones. :-) I will take it all on board and see how it goes. Its really nice to get other mums perspectives sorry if I didn't thank you individually.

:-)

He's shouting to show you (and others) he's happy...can you offer other gestures and signals that he can switch to. For example, tell him that when he's happy he can clap his hands or give a thumbs up instead of shouting.

He needs an outward outlet for his excitement/happiness...If you always just say "no shouting" it will make him feel like you aren't happy for him, that's why he then goes quiet and withdraws. He can do something else like clap hands, thumbs up to show he's happy and you can model/mirror that to show you're happy for him

Also, check that you don't also raise your voice/go high pitched when you are happy/excited (my mum and MIL are both terrible for this with my dd). Eg if my dd does something clever "Wow WELL DONE!" and they almost do a kind of whoop/shriek even if we are in public! If you do that, instead maybe get in the habit of whispering when you're excited/praising, and model the new gesture eg thumbs up/clapping

Op, you seem to have got quite a lot of harsh responses which i think are pretty unkind since youve come on her for support.
Agree with pp comments re using 'indoor voice' etc but it is definitely something he will grow out of. My daughter was loud and rambunctious at that age and it doesnt last...
And as for friends/playdates... these didnt really start for my kids until they started in reception at school.....
Try to calm him down with the shrieking but he will grow out of it.
And ignore the comments suggesting there is something wrong with him, mumsnet seems to love suggesting people/kids may be ND

You could try filming him when he shrieks so he can see how loud it is? Not sure it would help but maybe worth trying.

I'd also make sure you have a chat with him when you are on you way out. Ask him how he is going to behave, how noisy he is going to be and what the consequences of being noisy might be and what the consequences of being less shouty will be. You need to get him to want to be less noisy.