Please help me decide on a third by sharing experiences of having three or being one of three siblings

[carbibarbie]

I have a son who is 3 and a daughter who is is 1 and currently am 36yo. My husband and I had decided that two was enough for us but recently we've both started opening up the possibility of having a third. However, this would be a massive deal for us (as any child is!) in that financially it would be a strain to have another maternity leave, let alone fund another child's life. We are comfortable but wouldn't be able to offer the same level of opportunities that we would with two (clubs, holidays etc) and childcare would be costly and hard. I also wonder whether that because we have one of each, would a third change the dynamic of their relationship/my relationship with each of them? I'm really interested to know about how others have found this, does one child always get left out, is middle child syndrome really a thing? Is it hard to maintain closeness to all three? I love the idea of a busy house with lots of love, laughter and friendship, I just can't seem to get over the idea that I am done with babies but perhaps I will always be broody? Has anyone else experienced forever broodiness?

I'm one of three. The first two of us are polar opposites and would never be friends if not sisters. Both get along well with the youngest, the youngest holds the family together.

From a psychological point of view the middle one can end up with problems. Remember discussing it with a French psychiatrie nurse - the French state encourages 3 with increased child benefit, cheap rail fares and other perks. He found it quite funny.

@User0610134049

And linking into the pp above, when deciding to have a 3rd when my oldest dd was 7, I could never imagine how draining and difficult the pre pubescent and adolescent years would be. My eldest dd needs me more than ever and I’m so pleased she talks to me about stuff, but she often opens up late at night/at bedtime when I’m shattered and drained from a challenging youngest dd. It’s hard to find time for all 3 and they all need me a lot in different ways. However my eldest dd I think has aspergers/asd (awaiting assessment) and has a lot of anxiety so perhaps needs more support than most. It’s been very very hard and I see traits and similarities between her and my youngest dd so I do fear for what lies ahead. Dd2 in the middle is quieter and just gets on with it but I worry that she doesn’t get enough time from me.

This is exactly what a mum of 2 needs to consider when contemplating a 3rd child, not “Our 3rd baby slotted right in” that you’ll often seen repeated on these threads. I probably even said that myself at one point. That’s the easy part.

It’s the years after that, that get more and more challenging.

@newtb what problems please? Quite interested in this.

I have three but a huge age gap between DC 1 and 2 so it is more like having 1 + 2. I absolutely love it and it feels like the perfect number for us. Enough for variety/experience but we still (just!) fit into a standard car. Hotels etc more of an issue. Haven't had a problem with days out yet but the younger two are still young enough to get free entry in most places, so might notice this more later.

My friends who have 3 close together looked absolutely run ragged when they were all under about 5. Although not so bad once they are older :)

I'm the middle of 3, all 2 years apart. My mum had such little effort with my younger brother by the time he was a toddler. We were very much left to play ourselves, no 121 with either of my parents. Thankfully we had 2 very hands on grand parents nearby so we spent a lot of time at their houses, back gardens etc. I shared a room with my older sister which was ok but still, I look back and wish I had had a room of my own. Holidays were a 2 hour car drive, staying in a holiday cottage, again sharing with my sister. We had all left home early 20s. Looking back I didn't know any different and alot of my friends were all in families of 3 or 4. I'ld think on about your abilities, energy and resources if you want more!