what are your top tips to being a happy mum ?

[robinredbreast]

saw a book called how to be a happy mum, but was too tight to buy it, esp when the MN crew know all the tricks

one of the tthings i saw on the back of the book said stop tring to be perfect
ill really try to take that on board
as i think its great advice

has anyone actually got this book,and do you think its worth it ?
what else shall we add?

wine and chocolate

Throw away all parenting books!

just know how brief it all is.
Gone in the blink of an eye.
Don't know the book, btw

I gave up on parenting books a long time ago!

I would say that to be a happy mum you have to put your needs first sometimes and recognising when. If you are then happy you are more likely to have happy kids and the circle continues.

Put your kids first but also realise that their happiness depends on yours too.

As many breaks as you can manage, my ds 2.3 in creche 4 mornings a week and goes to my sil at least once a week to play with her dd for a few hours in the afternoon. Fortunately very gregarious outgoing boy and loves it!
I know some may find that shocking, but having disabled dh to care for as well, finding some time to myself is very, very important.
Echo the ditch perfectionism and concentrate on enjoying the time you have - ds has gone from six months old to 2.3 in about 2 weeks it seems.
I find it amazing how just having an hour of peace and quiet to myself - even if I'm cleaning out the freezer or de-cluttering a wardrobe is very theraputic, I am rushing to the door to meet ds and can't wait to be with him again, instead of counting the hours till bedtime!
Exercise - very, very important, even when I don't feel like it make myself do it, very good for seratonin levels, very calming.
.......oh and wine and chocolate! Lots!

Choose your battles or else your life will become one long battle

Don't voluteer for everything. When I gave up work to become a mum I volunteered for loads in our community and soon realised that I might as well be at work and get paid for all the hours I was putting in!

Put you relationship with your DH way up on your priority list.

Make sure you get regular adult time.

Build a network of mums who you can "let of steam" with.

Forget perfection, accept that you will make mistakes and remember to learn from them.

For me, its often a choice to be happy - i know - sounds a bit simplistic

Lots of happy music to dance around to either when I'm on my own doing housework, or with the kids

Accepting that I will have days when I am a crap parent, just talk about it with your kids, then MOVE ON!!! Start the next day fresh. That seems to stop a small portion of the GUILT that seems so inherent in motherhood

When you have a bad day don't beat yourself up about it and dwell on it go to bed thinking tomorrow is a new start.

listen more

don't worry too much about immaculate houses and been superwoman just do the ebst you acn ,the housework will wait for you the dc wont

I agree purpleduck - believing you can be happy, training you brain to think positive, waking up everyday and beleiving it will be a good day.

In no particular order:

*Being very organised and on top of all the chores and routine things that being a mother entails so that you don't get overburdened by boring things
*Having some help in the house. Even a little makes a big difference
*Look after your own and your family's health. Healthy people are much happier than unhealthy ones
*Don't compare yourself to other people. Do what you want to do and is important to you.

Wine

lmao - hadn't read any of the thread, see Northerner is going with my method too!

Remember that what a child enjoys is not necessarily what you expect them to enjoy. When I au-paired, I remember the mother of my little charges saying "you can take them on the most exciting day out - and then realise later that all they remember is how we stopped at a gas station and they had a drink of water from a drinking fountain". I've found this to be true and it helps a lot to know that the little, unimportant day-to-day events which may not really register with us adults are just as fascinating to a small child as the big, exciting things.

Try to enjoy and connect with your dcs and have lots of low-key interaction, in return they will be happier and better behaved. Everything will run more smoothly.

lol NJM

Booze and valium!!

When they are babies - be patient, the broken nights don't last that long.
When they are toddlers - pretend not to notice most of their bad behaviour but notice all their good behaviour
When they are young children - give them some space, independence and responsibility (do you really have to walk them the 500metres to school when they are 10?)
When they are teenagers - be content to be their mother and don't even try to be their best friend, don't assume they are the same as you were when you were a teenager and must therefore be sleeping with their boyfriend, smoking, experimenting with drugs etc, remember they are completely separate individuals and have their own life course.

Forgot, put them first by all means but do have a life of your own.

To quote the revered Xenia

"Go out to work"

Choose your battles

Realise that children are just that - children, so don't have too high expectations from the, esp over how independent they should be, how tidy they should be, etc.

Relax - so what if the hoovering doesn't get down today, it can be done tomorrow. This is especially important IMO when they are tiny babies.

Do something for yourself, that energises you and that you enjoy, and you'll give it back to your kids in other ways.

Cherish them and connect with them - it goes so fast, even when it feels like a nightmare that you want to wake up from!

Get a cleaner

Be honest with someone when you feel down / stressed/ worn down...just telling someone helps.

Let someone take them sometimes (relative, childminder etc) because for the 10 mins you might have a little cry and miss them, 'you' time is essential!

Definately choose your battles...sometimes it's just not worth the stress / tellings off, let it go!

And if you can, definately either work / volunteer somewhere, even just 1 day a week.