2 under 2 struggle!

[NEAKT5]

I have a 4 month old and a 22 month old I love them both dearly and seeing how much my eldest loves his little brother I’m so glad we went for the gap that we did!

But at the minute I am struggling with how demanding it is, I feel as though we aren’t getting to do much outside the house so am always needed by the both of them for different things at the same time!

Obviously the youngest still feeds and sleeps pretty regularly and he doesn’t enjoy the pram unless he’s ready for a nap and he isn’t keen on bouncers or swings etc just likes being held or lying on the ground with me talking to him!

I guess I’m just finding it hard not being able to go out and do anything fun together, I know once my youngest is crawling it will get easier to go places with the two of them! Well easier in the sense of both being able to play, rather than easier for me to do it haha!

I guess I’m looking for just anyone else who felt or feels the same way and wishes they had the courage to go out more often! A family member has the same age gap although they are older now her youngest is 1, and she invites me to toddler groups and I don’t go because I know I would spend my time holding or breastfeeding the youngest and not able to look after the eldest and worry about him stealing toys etc as this is phase he’s in!

Sorry really just a place to vent my feelings just now!

I remember it well, OP! There was only 16 months between my two DDs, and DH died before the baby’s first birthday, so it was relentless.
I didn’t really go anywhere much (apart from to work) while they were that young. I visited a friend with similar age kids, and my PILs or elderly aunt came to stay a few times a year, but that was it. Things improved once the elder reached about 3 - I used to take them swimming or on outings to the beach, zoo etc. I didn’t take them on a holiday abroad until they were 4 and 5.
It does get easier as they age, and are more self sufficient- they play together, giving you a break, they don’t need toileting or constantly monitored for safety, etc. Hang on in there!

@Babdoc I’m so sorry to hear about your DH, I can’t imagine how tough that must have been.

Thats what I’m telling myself, one day it will be easier to leave the house again! I’m still on maternity leave for a few months and wish we could do more but for now it’s basically just getting through the days and nights with basic needs met for the kids and me where I can haha! I do the same, my parents house when DH is working or sleeping after nights. Thank you 😊

Honestly you need to just to go out and stop worrying. Mine are 18 months apart and it wasn't fair on the toddler not to go out so if to to all sorts of random toddler groups and everyone was really kind and if I needed extra hands, people would hold the baby so I could play with toddler. Pack the bag the night before, lay the clothes out, get dressed first thing and just go. You'll feel so much better for doing it.

I used to go to parent toddlers groups and carry the baby in the cat seat. Once he got a bit older they had a sort of walker toys you sit them in and they move around so I’d bagsy one I or my friends would get me one if I was running late. We had a few mini disasters at various toddler groups buy overall it was good to go out.
I used to do shops too as it was nice to get out. I had a double buggy.

That’s my problem though the youngest won’t entertain being confined at all so bouncers or walkers etc aren’t really an option haha, wants to be lying on his belly or in my arms!

I was hoping to feel better with venting but I think I just feel worse now as if I’m not doing enough that I should be, I think I’ll just tell myself everyone is different and everyone copes differently! We do get out and go to my mums and he plays with her and his aunties as well as me and we go out when his dad is off, he works shifts so it’s always different days! We have just recently got a double buggy and I go for walks at nap time as that’s the only way the toddler naps so that’s been helpful.

I’m certainly not concerned about my toddler, he knows his colours, animals etc and is putting sentences together now so I can’t let myself feel any extra guilt! I’ve never been a toddler group person anyway, we only went once before baby was here and didn’t really enjoy it.

Sounds really tough OP. 4 months is such a tricky age, mine was so fussy then - can’t imagine what it would be like with a toddler as well! Would your youngest tolerate a sling?

It’s good you now have a double buggy, walks will be nice now spring is here.
Do you or your mum have a garden? If so when the weather gets warmer you could try taking some toys and a mat for your baby outside.

@AliceW89 I found this age tough with them both! I much more enjoy once they are on the move and properly playing. He does if he’s asleep which is good but not awake haha.

@NeedleNoodle3 oh it’s been amazing being able to strap them in and walk again! Luckily we do have a big garden and my toddler loves going out any opportunity he can so hopefully the weather keeps improving, my parents don’t yet but will be moving into a new house by the summer when they will thankfully so definitely get the baby out on a mat then :)

It's not just you, I didn't go out much with two under two. It's just really hard. It gets better really quickly as they both reach easier ages. Give yourself a break. Do little things to perhaps build confidence but don't worry about it.

Oh I remember this pain. Don't feel bad. I had exact same age gap and honestly it was "everybody fed and nobody dead" goals at around that 4 month mark. I barely left the house and when I did I was often covered In sick and verging on tears.
Now they're 5 and 3 and absolutely the best children ever. It does get better.

Exactly. As long as everyone is fed and relatively happy you're doing an amazing job. Our house was so dirty!!!! Was so embarrassed when we had visitors! I daresay you'll never work as hard as you are right now. Just give yourself a pat on the back. You're doing the work of three people everyday assuming you have little help.

everybody fed and nobody dead

Glad it wasn't just me with these goals then 😂

It gets easier OP but the early stage is a bloody hard slog, I hated it.

@Franca123 @MistyFrequencies Thank you both, you’re right it is hard and I think you’re so busy that you just get on with it and sometimes take a moment to pause like I have today and think I can’t believe what hard work this is that I do everyday haha! I hate to complain because we wanted this age gap but I think with the 4 month old being in a fussy stage right now and not getting any time alone other than showering I’m just feeling it more.

@TrufflyPig Thank you, I’m looking forward to when they can properly play together and we can get back to soft play etc more often when they can both do it!

@Franca123

It's not just you, I didn't go out much with two under two. It's just really hard. It gets better really quickly as they both reach easier ages. Give yourself a break. Do little things to perhaps build confidence but don't worry about it.

Yeah, we have a 13 month gap and the aim was to get through the day. Ignore the nonsense about it not being fair for the older one to not go to toddler groups, as it's really not needed.

We got out when we were both about, so we had one each, but there's plenty of time for doing stuff when they're older.

My DDs are 16 and 17 now and, despite not being able to remember a lot about when they were very young as I was too bloody knackered, I did make sure I went out everyday if only round the block.

Getting through each day was a triumph

15 months between mine for me around four months is when it started to get better. DD (youngest) was an unputdownable newborn, who wouldn't sleep in the pram and cried a lot!

I still don't do anything like soft play on my own, but will potter to the park and there is a local stay and play which is great - just loads of toys in a room and DS can't get lost! Got easier once DD could sit up on her own but I imagine it will be a bit harder once she is on the move!!

2 under 2 is hard and I'm sure you are doing an amazing job. Everything I've read says it gets easier as they get older and being close in age means they are more into the same kind of things so keeping my fingers crossed!!

@NoWordForFluffy You’re even braver with that age gap haha!

Thank you, it’s hard enough as a mum having guilt about anything without feeling like you aren’t doing enough for your eldest! Exactly, so much easier with your partner there isn’t it.

@mizu I make sure we get out for a walk too if I don’t go to my mums or sometimes a drive depending on the weather!

And getting out for that walk is SO hard sometimes

But it does get easier, so much easier and they will play together and amuse each other and you'll have time to clear up

@Lockdownmummy Yeah I don’t think I’ll be braving soft play alone for quite some time haha. I’m finding this age for the youngest a bit harder than with my first, my first quite liked his little bouncer chair so I was able to get on with housework whilst talking to him but my second wants held all the time just now!

Thank you, it sounds like you’re doing a great job too and exactly we’ll get there and it’ll get easier one day and I’m glad they will be close to enjoy the same things too!

Awwwww I am NOT a fan of tiny humans, when they start being aware of the world but don’t have the motor skills to do it autonomously. Argh cue fussy whiney wingers 😂

Toddlers are sooooo much more fun.

I have a 6.5m old and a 22m old and the youngest one is right in the frustration sweet spot, he can’t move but wants to move.

I only really go places if I’m with someone because I can’t put the oldest down anywhere and expect him to stay put. Hell just run. With a crying baby and a tantruming toddler it’s hard to know who to ring because.. well it’s usually a disaster 😂

@mizu oh yes it takes so much effort to get them both out in the pram and tears from at least one of them if not both 😂 but definitely feel better once I’m out and they settle!

Thank you for the reassurance 😊

@FTEngineerM You have just described exactly how I feel too! I always feel so bad saying it because everyone is always like aw they are only a baby for such a short time and yes I love the cuddles but my god the whinging is hard work! 😂

That sounds exactly how I will be until the youngest is walking too and able to run with us 😂