2 under 2 struggle!

[NEAKT5]

I have a 4 month old and a 22 month old I love them both dearly and seeing how much my eldest loves his little brother I’m so glad we went for the gap that we did!

But at the minute I am struggling with how demanding it is, I feel as though we aren’t getting to do much outside the house so am always needed by the both of them for different things at the same time!

Obviously the youngest still feeds and sleeps pretty regularly and he doesn’t enjoy the pram unless he’s ready for a nap and he isn’t keen on bouncers or swings etc just likes being held or lying on the ground with me talking to him!

I guess I’m just finding it hard not being able to go out and do anything fun together, I know once my youngest is crawling it will get easier to go places with the two of them! Well easier in the sense of both being able to play, rather than easier for me to do it haha!

I guess I’m looking for just anyone else who felt or feels the same way and wishes they had the courage to go out more often! A family member has the same age gap although they are older now her youngest is 1, and she invites me to toddler groups and I don’t go because I know I would spend my time holding or breastfeeding the youngest and not able to look after the eldest and worry about him stealing toys etc as this is phase he’s in!

Sorry really just a place to vent my feelings just now!

Mine are eleven months apart so at one point I had two under 1 who were not twins I remember it well.

Like pps say, one day at a time and lower your expectations. Factor in some you time too for the sake of your sanity, send them out with your partner or hand them to someone to look after for a few hours. There's no prizes for motherhood martyrdom, no one gives you the recognition you deserve as a mother so don't try to do it all - look after yourself!!

I also recommend child care, I felt like a new woman once I got the kids into daycare

@NEAKT5 exactly the same here! Have ended up with several swings/bouncers etc trying to find one that DD likes 🙈 DS seemed like a much more content baby but it was also lockdown so there was nothing else to actually do!!

7.5 and 23 months now and starting to play together which is adorable

There are 13 months between my youngest 2. It was like having twins . Oldest has special needs so he was behide with things. It was really hard work when they were little as they need you all the time. Often at different times so never actually get a break. Was woken up every 2 hours during the night 10-20 min feeding time. Then up at 6am get ready tk get the kids tk school ect . It was so tiring . I had to give up breast feeding in the end because I running on empty.

I have never done play groups I hated them with my older children. I took then to parks places with good green areas. With a ball . Small wooded area where they could explore a bit. Or free farms so thru can look at the animals ect . Just being in the garden could be enough sometimes . Little ones don't really care where they go.

Mine are older now . They love each other so much. They are best friends. Always hugging say they love each other. I hope it always stays like that.

@NEAKT5 you’re not alone I just wrote on another thread..
‘ Parenting is littered with shit moments, I wish people from older generations would have shared that nugget of info rather than just keep saying ‘don’t wish it all away’ ‘these are the best years of your life’ ‘you’ll wish they were small again soon’ ‘every minute is so special’

Is it? Every minute? Like when one cries the other is stood on my foot twisting my foot skin as I try and take a poo. Is that enjoyable? ’

Get through the day, have a swing of wine when it’s over and wake up and do it all over again tomorrow. 😅😂

I feel I've found my people on this thread, thanks OP.

I have a 15 month age gap, as I said previously I hated the early stages and it's ok to feel this way. Do what you are comfortable and confident enough to do each day, ignore anyone who tells you what you 'should' be doing.

I also recommend a bean to cup coffee maker!

@RaspberryChouxBuns Wow well done you haha!

Thankfully my parents takes the oldest sometimes for a few hours, the youngest is breastfed on demand and doesn’t take a bottle so he hasn’t left me yet! But at least my eldest gets some alone time with his grandparents and I get a chance to rest a bit whilst the youngest sleeps, sometimes haha.

@Lockdownmummy that’s what I’m looking forward to, I can see they desperately want to play together and just can’t yet!

@Cookiecrumble22 That does sound like a tough time, somehow as mums we just do it don’t we!

That’s exactly like me I’m more of a walk/park type person always have been, the garden has definitely been a godsend I’m so glad we managed to buy the house before they were born.

I can’t wait till they’re playing and hope they will be close too.

@FTEngineerM You are exactly right! It’s okay for us not to enjoy it all the time, our lives have changed completely and obviously for the better but we are still having to adjust to ourselves as a new person!

@TrufflyPig Thank you and to you too!

I think that’s where I need to let go a little, the what we ‘should’ do as mums!

We’re actually off to a birthday party today later with DH luckily, so plenty fun for toddler!

Hang in there! At around the baby's six month mark you will probably feel that some of the pressure has lifted. It takes a while to get used to having two children no matter what the gap.

@sweetbellyhigh Thank you that’s when I’ve been hoping things would get a bit more manageable when baby can play a bit independently 🤞🏻 Exactly, there’s two people who fully rely on you which will feel overwhelming sometimes.

[quote NEAKT5]@sweetbellyhigh Thank you that’s when I’ve been hoping things would get a bit more manageable when baby can play a bit independently 🤞🏻 Exactly, there’s two people who fully rely on you which will feel overwhelming sometimes.[/quote]
Yes and I think it's a wrench, with the first one you are solely focused on them then suddenly you have a tiny baby who needs your every moment and it feels so stressful trying to give them both the attention they need. But around the six month mark, my friends and I noticed that the feelings of guilt at not being available to one or the other had started to lift and we were all more used to each other.
Not to suggest it will be easy because two small children will still need a lot/all of your time but that stressful adjustment period does fade x

@sweetbellyhigh That’s exactly it, there’s so much guilt daily! But yeah I think that will go, it already has a little but obviously some days it’s worse.

Thank you 😊 x

Indoor things I found kept my toddler entertained whilst I dealt with any baby issues:

-pop up tents/tunnels
-middle of the afternoon bath (and one at bedtime 😂)
-cocomelon (its annoying but you can't argue with results).
-ball pit filled with different things each day.
-mini trolley and a list of things to 'collect' around the room.
-high chair and finger paints/messy play (newspaper on floor/table for easy disposal)

Low key trips out:

-supermarket: both confined in a double trolley
-other people's houses (bonus childcare help/play date if similar aged toddler)
-park/woodland/garden: baby in pram/sling, toddler can run free in a safe environment.
-drive through Starbucks at nap time (saved my sanity 😂)

Hope that helps in some way. It's how I coped.

You just after to go for it OP - carry the younger about with you while you keep an eye on the older . In 12 months it will be great as they will play together

Possibly controversial, but I wouldnt wait st home assuming it'll get easier to be out and about with them.

It might not feel like it now, but these months are the ones for learning how to manage 2, whilst one is stationary. Make the most of it...

You mention soft play being easier in the future - maybe,but that's years away. Right now you could take your baby in a sling and accompany the older one. In a year tinme, both will need extensive supervision but will go in opposite directions.

Toddler groups - you don't want to go now because it's hard breastfeeding and making sure your eldest doesn't steal toys simultaneously. Replace breastfeeding with chasing a crawling baby that's nowhere near your toddler... That's harder. A lot harder.

I've had 2 under 2 and whilst some things get easier, others get more difficult.

Ps: breastfeeding in the sling really helped me. That way I literally could choose my toddler whilst feeding, or push her on the swings etc.

@TrufflyPig tunnels and tents are a great idea! Have done the bath in the afternoon too 😂

Yup always head to my parents or grandparents on the days DH is working when I can or we go out for a walk and I’ll stop at the park if the toddler is awake for it! Things like that are just more me I think, there’s some people who like toddler groups etc but I’m just not one of them never have been 🤷🏼‍♀️

Thank you 😊

@Washermother33 Yeah playtime together will be great fun!

@Babyboomtastic Yeah that’s all well when your baby likes going in a sling but mine doesn’t he just screams until I take him out and hold him in my arms instead which is too hard to then chase the toddler if he needs my help 🤷🏼‍♀️

Everyone obviously has different opinions but I look forward to the chasing both of them in opposite direction over having a crying baby stressing me if I put him down to do something for the toddler! Not saying it will be easier, but in my opinion it will be what I prefer.

Thanks though, a pity my baby doesn’t like the sling.

My second hates the sling too, annoying A F and a waste of £60, I’m looking at you freerider, you promised a lot because I envisaged strapping him to me and just carrying on but in reality the baby just cried and the toddler needed/wanted picking up all the time because he was still tiny himself.

Breathe, we’re all just muddling through, and repeat😂

How was the party?

@FTEngineerM I feel me and you are the same person haha! Sounds exactly like what I thought I would do and hasn’t worked that way.

Aw the party was great thank you, the little one was happy in me or DHs arms just looking around and the older one was throwing himself head first into the ball pit loving it haha! X

Obviously everyone finds different stages easier/harder, but I think you misunderstand me a little - the sling helped a LOT but its not the only reason its much easier to have them both out when one isn't mobile. Its easier because only one of them is variable of getting themselves into a muddle at a time, and you can start physically close to both children simultaneously.

Running round after 2 may be fun, but my goodness its more demanding! Which is why getting used to juggling them in public when they are easier helps.

@Babyboomtastic As you say everyone will find different stages hard so we may always think differently from each other, I’ll just keep going as I am and take things as they come!