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Original poster

My 6 week old baby is extremely clingy

75 replies

leilall · 05/04/2022 23:08

Hi,

Looking for some advice I have a 6 week old baby. Who has been mostly breastfeed since birth other than the odd bottle of formula every couple of days here and there.

I'm struggling to get my newborn to sleep alone at night and during the day.
My baby will fall asleep in my arms and when I transfer him into his next to me cot. Within 5 minutes his awake and screaming. Yesterday I tried it over 10 times. Before I gave in at 4AM and went to sleep with him in my arms in bed sitting up.

During the day its pretty much the same unless I'm holding him or carrying him around. He cries (I put him down, fed, changed and burped) I have tried leaving him for 5 minutes before giving in.

I'm now finding his using my nipple as a pacifier. His currently latched with my nipple in his mouth, I take it out and he cries.
I even tried to trick him with placing the pacifier near my nipple. To see if he would take it (he wouldn't)

I spoke to my midwife, when he was 2 weeks old. Who suggested this is a newborn phrase and he will grow out of being so needy.
It's gotten worse. I just don't know what to do I shower my baby with hugs and kisses all day long. But I have to be able to break away so I can shower,cook, clean.

Helppppp???

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OberthursGrizzledSkipper · 05/04/2022 23:17

This is totally normal. Your baby has been part of you until very recently. Why the hurry to put him down?

Hugasauras · 05/04/2022 23:21

Sling will help get chores and stuff done. I'm one for safe co-sleeping so I would do that for an easier life, especially when breastfeeding. It sounds fairly normal - some babies do need more physical contact than others. Do you have a partner to share the load with and allow you to get time to yourself in evenings/morning?

Massivecoffeecake · 05/04/2022 23:28

Very normal. Mine did this for nearly a year... it's hard.

Agree slings are a good choice to help get things done.

It does get better though when is very dependent on the child

Good luck

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Fleur405 · 05/04/2022 23:28

My daughter is 5 weeks old and exactly the same. I have my partner make me a big flask of tea before he leaves in the morning and make sure I have lots of cereal bars and something prepped for lunch that I can eat with one hand. Chores just have to wait! The being a human pacifier thing is annoying but it helps increase your milk supply.

Shoemadlady · 05/04/2022 23:34

This is normal, they don't even know at this stage that they're separate humans.
They're used to noise and movement (being inside tummy and hearing sloshing and you walking about) so to be put down in a quiet room alone is scary.
Invest in a sling and you'll be able to potter about and they'll sleep x it does get easier! X

Wnkingawalrus · 05/04/2022 23:35

My 6 year old still won’t go to sleep alone!

RoyKentsChestHair · 05/04/2022 23:37

6 weeks is still newborn!

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/04/2022 23:39

He’s not needy, he’s normal. He’s doing what babies do, being close to his mum and getting upset when he can’t. He’s still a newborn at 6 weeks, he barely knows he’s been born.

Sprigofthyme · 05/04/2022 23:41

My 16 month is only just coming out of this clinginess. It’s hard work but very normal.

RedHerring24 · 05/04/2022 23:41

Sounds absolutely normal and this was my experience also.
Google the 4th trimester...
Babies spend 9 months tucked away, warm and snug feeling protected. Then theyre suddenly out in the world and people want to put them down in a big open crib, alone where it isnt as warm or 'safe'.
Its normal and isnt your baby being clingy.
I felt the same and cried because i couldnt have 5mins to myself for weeks but it improves as baby grows and adapts.
But, enjoy these newborn cuddles so early on. Everyone told me this and i just laughed but now DD is 4months old I get it.
I miss her falling asleep on me all the time and being able to cuddle her whenever she wanted it.
Now she is nosey inquisitive, wants to be involved in everything and prefers the pets to us.
Its cliche but the baby phase really does go quickly, enjoy it (even if you dont get time to yourself).

Dryshampoofordays · 05/04/2022 23:45

Google the fourth trimester

HalloHello · 05/04/2022 23:46

Soooooo many threads now with people confused why their tiny baby doesn't want to be apart from their mothers. I cannot understand it.

Google 4th trimester, safe co sleeping, cluster feeding, slings/baby wearing. It's not easy all the time but it's normal. It's the whole point of maternity leave IMO. Find a good box set, get a cuppa and cuddle your babe. Mine is 7 months old and as relentless as it was, I so so miss those days!!!

Marblessolveeverything · 05/04/2022 23:48

Try pop their sheet against your skin for a few hours. It should comfort them. Full disclosure I did bottle feed and use a soother from day 1 so that may have helped, in that I used to hand baby to dad for every second feed so snatch a few hours sleep. Can dad help in between feeds? Everyone needs sleep to function.

bluebird3 · 05/04/2022 23:50

My first was like this. It's sooo hard. I used to make my lunch the night before like a pack up that I could eat whilst holding her. I'd wear a sling for cleaning/chores as much as possible. But for the most part, I just sat and held the baby and watched Netflix. I also found she was much better when out and about. If we were at home she preferred to snack all day using my nipple as a pacifier. If we were out and about the change of scenery distracted her. It got a bit better when she was 12-16w and could sit up in the baby chair or go in the bouncer.

RisingSunn · 05/04/2022 23:53

It’s normal! Baby is only 6 weeks old. Lower your expectations around chores etc. Buy a sling/carrier. Practice safe co-sleeping if you are comfortable with that.

SoftSheen · 05/04/2022 23:54

Totally normal behaviour for a young baby. He is not using your nipple as a pacifier, he is using it for what it is intended for- comfort as well as nutrition. Get a good sling for the day time, and for the night time, Google 'safe co-sleeping'. It will get easier :)

CorsicaDreaming · 05/04/2022 23:59

Have you tried wrapping them up with baby a wrap? I found this helped my DS to feel secure and sleep when v young.
And having him close by.
Basically they just want to be close to you so they feel safe.

But I do remember it as a very tiring phase - but it does pass....

?  https://www.johnlewis.com/purebaby-muslin-wrap-pack-of-2-pale-grey/p4868823?tmad=c&tmcampid=7&sshare=jlappioss_Y29tLmFwcGxlLlVJS2l0LmFjdGl2aXR5LkNvcHlUb1Bhc3RlYm9hcmQ=

harper30 · 06/04/2022 00:01

It's not a clingy thing, that's just babies! That's how they're supposed to be, though it can be tough I definitely found it frustrating sometimes.
I breastfed and found a really easy compromise was to cosleep and feed lying down on the bed and I'd read my kindle or whatever and if it took hours for her to settle enough for me to sneak away for a bit in the evening then so be it, or to roll over and go to sleep myself etc.
otherwise I just kept her with me on the sofa in the evening to watch tv, or in a sling while I did things.

CurlyCabbage · 06/04/2022 00:02

@HalloHello

Soooooo many threads now with people confused why their tiny baby doesn't want to be apart from their mothers. I cannot understand it.

Google 4th trimester, safe co sleeping, cluster feeding, slings/baby wearing. It's not easy all the time but it's normal. It's the whole point of maternity leave IMO. Find a good box set, get a cuppa and cuddle your babe. Mine is 7 months old and as relentless as it was, I so so miss those days!!!

Its the large influx of ‘sleep consultants’ on social media. Baby is a year old and still my instagram feed is full of these unregulated charlatans telling us to start sleeping schedules from newborn/ 4m sleep regression. Cant get away from wake windows/ putting down sleepy but awake blah blah. Very confusing for a first time mum.
UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 06/04/2022 00:09

Actually, wake windows were exceptionally helpful to me with my second and third DCs and I wish I’d known about them with the first! But that’s besides the point.

For people saying 16 month-olds are still like this… God help you! But OP, know that is not the norm. People are correct in pointing you to the “fourth trimester”. For the first 12 weeks, everything you describe is totally normal. Don’t be alarmed, just focus on your survival and the baby’s. There’s no “trick” beyond trying to lower your expectations of what you’ll accomplish in a day, and waiting it out.

Some people love this phase, some people hate it, but for everyone it is intense.

I always found we turned a corner around 10 weeks and things started getting progressively easier. By 5-6 months, you can start settling into a routine and life will feel more predictable and less relentless.

Congrats on the new baby! :-)

Teenylittlefella · 06/04/2022 00:15

For almost all of human history, a newborn infant left to sleep alone without being with another, older human would have been extremely vulnerable to predators. Babies cry when alone as a survival mechanism. It's normal. Babies that didn't attract adult attention when they sensed they were alone got eaten by wild animals.

He is tiny and he feels safe with you. It is a huge adjustment for you, but understand that he is just a baby doing baby things. Pretty soon he'll be a year old, walking and babbling. It's a tiny phase that is gone in the blink of an eye. Try to lean in to it, then he will have a secure base knowing he is safe with his caregivers and that is a huge huge advantage.

Congratulations. I adore the newborn stage.

BarnacleNora · 06/04/2022 00:22

Yep my second was a stage 5 clinger but because he was my second I relished every opportunity to be able to sit down with the baby after chasing a toddler!

However I can well remember the overwhelm of my first at this stage and feeling like I would never wash my hair again so sympathies! You totally will by the way, this is completely normal.

What massively helped me was learning how to breastfeed lying down on my side. I would feed baby lying down with him either in his open sided cot or on my mattress very close to it. Once he was properly asleep (best way to check they're definitely asleep is lifting their arm, if they're not quite there, they'll tug it back, if they're asleep it'll be heavy and could drop back on them if you let go) then slide him across the mattress carefully. Sliding across into the cot rather than putting them down seemed to be less disturbing!

But also, agree with others, wearing something that goes in their cot next to your skin all day (I used to squirt loads of breast milk on it for good measure) will also help because it'll be warm and smell of you.

Oh and also when they're breastfeeding and get to the point where there's lots of long pauses and a sort of 'fluttering' feeling, that isn't using you as a comforter as I thought for with my first, it's actually them getting the much fattier milk out. So if you let them do that and don't detach thinking they've finished and are messing around then they'll fill up with lots of the creamy fatty milk and have a much fuller stomach!

Plus, you are the comforter/pacifier. The OG model! Babies aren't using people 'as a pacifier' they're using pacifiers as a replacement for breasts!

Good luck OP and it will pass and you'll get your arms back!

BottleBrushTree · 06/04/2022 00:26

Have you tried having him firmly wrapped? Wrap him securely and hold him as he’s going to sleep, then once he’s asleep put him down. Babies often startle themselves awake if they can move arms or legs. Unfortunately it’s all pretty normal for a 6 week old too.