My 6 week old baby is extremely clingy

[leilall]

Hi,

Looking for some advice I have a 6 week old baby. Who has been mostly breastfeed since birth other than the odd bottle of formula every couple of days here and there.

I'm struggling to get my newborn to sleep alone at night and during the day.
My baby will fall asleep in my arms and when I transfer him into his next to me cot. Within 5 minutes his awake and screaming. Yesterday I tried it over 10 times. Before I gave in at 4AM and went to sleep with him in my arms in bed sitting up.

During the day its pretty much the same unless I'm holding him or carrying him around. He cries (I put him down, fed, changed and burped) I have tried leaving him for 5 minutes before giving in.

I'm now finding his using my nipple as a pacifier. His currently latched with my nipple in his mouth, I take it out and he cries.
I even tried to trick him with placing the pacifier near my nipple. To see if he would take it (he wouldn't)

I spoke to my midwife, when he was 2 weeks old. Who suggested this is a newborn phrase and he will grow out of being so needy.
It's gotten worse. I just don't know what to do I shower my baby with hugs and kisses all day long. But I have to be able to break away so I can shower,cook, clean.

Helppppp???

Aww I feel for you as I know everything like this just fully consumes your world at this stage. 6 weeks isn’t old at all and I’m sure things will improve. I think we were just lucky and got quite a chilled one but he very quickly learned to self-soothe and started sucking his thumb from quite early on. I think the only issue with some suggestions that would temporarily help the issue is that they’re not actually tackling the problem of the baby not going down in their bed and going to sleep. At the same time, there’s people who would say it’s a 6 week old baby, they’re only tiny for such a small amount of time, just cuddle them! I’m in the other camp though 🙈 I read Gina Ford when I was pregnant and had no intention of following it all as I know she suggests some mad things, I wasn’t going to put baby in his own room from the start for example but I did follow her basic principles, especially around allowing him to self soothe. There’s no leaving him to scream or anything like some people imagine. In fact I think he probably cries way less than a baby who struggles to self soothe as he literally just goes in his crib now and off to sleep because he knows the routine.

The sling idea would help you but obviously you’re then in a position of never being able to put the baby down and just having to have them in a sling all day when you’re busy. This is fine when they’re tiny but not so much when they get bigger 🙈 Some people buy those rockers to help them go for a nap in. I didn’t buy one as my theory was that if he got used to being repeatedly rocked to sleep what chance would he have of going to sleep in a boring, flat bed that doesn’t move 🙄 I’m just very practical as I knew I wouldn’t have been able to cope with a baby that didn’t sleep so I would have moved heaven and earth to make sure he did 😂 If it was me I’d just look at it as, your baby has only been here for 6 weeks. They’re still getting used to being put down. I don’t know whether a swaddle would maybe help them feel more secure? I know a lot of people use the sleepyheads too, although personally due to all the warnings about them (and the cost!!) I didn’t bother getting one. I would just keep placing baby into the crib and trying to wait longer between picking them back up. Give a short cuddle and place back in etc. They’ll soon realise its not that bad 😊 My little boy would still scream blue murder now if I placed him down when I wasn’t 100% sure I was getting all the tired signals so just only try to do it when you’re sure a sleep is due.

As part of my regimented routine I used to stick to 🤣 I used to follow the wake windows in Gina’s book so if I was going a walk I knew he’d sleep and I timed it in with when he ‘should’ be asleep. As you start nailing the day time naps the night time sleep gets better too. I think week 7 was when we turned the corner with the night time sleep. Another thing just coming to my head is the dream sheep, do you have that or white noise on?

Hope something works for you soon, I know it can be totally draining but it will pass soon!

Sling and dummy. Baby is still a newborn so why are you trying to make them sleep alone?

Bless you I remember this as if it were yesterday. Mine are 6 & 3 now.

It's so scary isn't it when you're told all throughout pregnancy "you must lay baby on his back in a separate cot from you, never fall asleep while you're holding him etc etc" but you are never told "oh but baby won't actually let you do any of those things"

Your baby is pretty normal to be doing this, unfortunately some babies take longer than others to accept being put down.
My daughter, no chance, me and partner had to take it in turns during the night to sit up watching netflix and hold her while the other slept! This went on until around 2 months or so. My son on the other hand let me put him down in the hospital and stayed asleep for a couple of hours, it was honestly incredible the midwives laughed at me because I said "he let me put him down!!!" With this huge smile on my face lol. Don't get me wrong it wasn't plain sailing with him he didn't take a dummy until he was 5 months old I kept persevering!

Take one night as it comes, remember we have pretty much all been here as parents and although it doesn't feel like it now, you'll look back soon and think wow I did it, and now I miss those cuddles.

Normal

Just some suggestions of things you can try - more to give you a breather at least during the day

A love to dream swaddle
A MAM brand dummy
Putting baby down with something interesting to look at - red/black/yellow book
White noise machine
A sleepyhead/dock-a-tot
A rockit - during the day my baby slept in her bassinet on the pram, with the Rockit going (it rocks the pram)
A nuna leaf grow rocker (expensive though but you might be able to get one second hand - top tip they have them out on display in Mamas and Papas shops - you could pop your baby in to see if they like it. Cheaper version is a joie rocker with a vibrate function)
Turning your baby in their crib so they are top to tail with you - midwife did this with mine in the hospital and I carried it on at home - meant she was right near my face when sleeping

If you're going to co-sleep the lullaby trust has some great advice on how to do it safely. I'd also recommend getting a snuza hero md - it's just a little breathing monitor that clips onto the nappy. It sounds an alarm if they stop breathing for 15 seconds. After 8 seconds it vibrates to give them a little jolt. My baby is still wearing hers and she's 9 months old. It's so reassuring in the car. The snuza for us has given us immense peace of mind.

For me, rocking worked whether it was in the pram with the rockit, the joie vibrating chair, out for walks or being physically rocked. My baby still likes to be rocked now. On nice days I sometimes opt for walking her endlessly round the garden with her in her stroller. At least then when she falls asleep, I can wheel her back in, flick on the Rockit and flop on the sofa for a half hour.

You just do whatever you need to do to get through!

It generally takes about 20 minutes for a baby to be in a deep enough sleep to be put down without waking up. During the day the pram/rockit worked brilliantly, at night it was feed and physical rock for about 20 minutes and repeat 3 or 4 times during the night. My DH would take turns, if I fed her, then I'd pass her back to DH and he'd do the rocking, so I could get back to sleep quicker - at least at weekends.

If even one of these things help - it might buy you enough time for a shower at least

It might be 'normal' for some babies but knowing that doesn't really help with the reality of living it!

Big hug xx

If you wander off and forget about it then it will die so the alarm has to go off before you get too far away 😂😂😂

I love and need my own bed, but in the early days I co slept.
I started easing my 8 week old into some sleeps alone and stopped feeding to sleep but sitting up to feed and then laying down together with my boobs inaccesible.
You have to teach them home to everything from fart to fall sleep!

He's a six week old baby!!!

Your baby is being completely normal - not clingy, not needy, not difficult. You are there to meet your baby’s needs for contact, comfort, nutrition and love. Agree with PP, maybe google Fourth Trimester….

He is NOT being needy or clingy. Infants are incapable of manipulation and codependence. It is so normal. He needs you. You are the centre of his universe. Before you know it he will be taller than you and shrugging off your embraces. Use a sling in the day, bouncy chair in bathroom. Cosleep safely at night.

Congratulations you have a completely normal baby.

Seriously though, some great practical tips on this thread. Sometimes knowing it’s normal really helps.

Why the hurry to put him down?

Because she’s sleeping sitting up holding him? Which is neither safe nor sustainable.

OP, it is very normal, would you consider co sleeping? I know a lot of people are put off the idea but done safely it’s far better than sleeping sitting up holding him.
What does he sleep in - my DD wore a swaddle bag that held her arms in and that helped with her sleep in the first few months. We did also co sleep, although that was slightly later, when she was out of the swaddle.

Not everybody wants to co sleep tho

Absolutely normal tho OP. We’d rock my DD to sleep for about 30 mins, put her down and suddenly she was awake just staring back at us. I was so exhausted all I did was cry😂 she would only briefly nap in her swing chair and that was it. It was only when she was 12 weeks would she go straight to sleep when being put down in her cot.

Your DC is only 6 weeks old. Please just bear with him as he’s used to be close to you. As others have said, invest in a sling? Maybe play white noise or have a swing that he can sleep in for just a hour? It’ll get better as he grows older

I hope you're doing OK! It can be so frustrating when you need a break to do wild things like wash yourself. And I'm sure people are trying to be helpful by saying it's completely normal, but not every baby is like this 🤷‍♀️ Baby carriers are definitely good for getting bits done around the house, but useless for the shower! Using a swaddle might help for naps as it helps them to feel secure. You can do it with a large muslin or blanket etc don't need to buy expensive specialist products. Plenty of videos on YouTube etc. When your baby falls asleep in your arms don't try and put them down straight away, if you can wait 15 -20 mins then try lowering them gradually (the 'falling' sensation can startle them!). Wind baby, and then wind again after a feed if you can, assuming from your post baby is feeding well and latching without causing you pain etc? It's also OK to be annoyed/bored with the demands of breastfeeding in case you're feeling guilty. If you get a spare few minutes (ha!) Then have a look at the 5 S's, ssshhhing, swaying, side lying, suckling, and swaddling. Not about sleep training, or expecting your baby to be 'perfect' but just finding ways to help your baby settle, so you can both be happy and get some rest. Your health is really important too.

Soooooo many threads now with people confused why their tiny baby doesn't want to be apart from their mothers. I cannot understand it.

^ I know. Learning about the fourth trimester is in every baby book, website etc about babies. Clearly there is an educational gap in antenatal classes and some women just haven't known babies before having one so aren't prepared for a newborn's emotional needs

sarahockwell-smith.com/2015/06/26/why-babies-hate-cots-and-cribs-and-what-to-do-instead/

Read up on the fourth trimester OP

As PPs say it’s unfortunately very normal - he’s still very tiny and new. It will get easier though. In the meantime, do what you can to make your own life easier and manage your expectations of what you will /won’t be able to do.

In a number of weeks he’ll be bigger and you’ll have a more freedom. It is hard suddenly having something SO dependent on you - but it does get easier.

I used a next to me cot. Lie them down, the cot can support your weight, your left elbow above their head, feed until they are asleep. Slowly slowly inch backwards.

Totally normal. But I have still never forgotten how tough it was

Totally normal. And totally normal to find it hard work! Like PP's have said Google the 4th trimester

[quote WTF475878237NC]sarahockwell-smith.com/2015/06/26/why-babies-hate-cots-and-cribs-and-what-to-do-instead/[/quote]
Just had a brief read of this and it seems very dramatic.

I find it interesting how people will scream, ‘just co sleep’ ‘why aren’t you co sleeping’ etc but no one ever talks about how hard it is for the majority of people to get their child out of their bed once they’re a bit older.

My friend’s daughter is 3 and still sleeps in her bed, refuses to sleep in her own. Same for my auntie who has a 4 year old who she still co sleeps. I often see so many comments/threads saying ‘my DC is x amount of old and still sleeps in my bed, how can I get them sleeping in their own bed’ etc. So as you can see, there’s pros and cons to both.

I’d stick with the cot if what you want to do OP. For a little while, you’ll just have to get used to them becoming unsettled once you put them down

My 4 week old is like this. He will sleep happily in my arms during the day but within 5 mins of putting him in the moses basket, he starts screaming. Ive been looking for a sling so i can get stuff done during the day.

Luckily he will settle in his crib overnight.

"clingy", "needy", "using nipple as pacifier"

You're talking about a newborn, ffs.

@HalloHello

Soooooo many threads now with people confused why their tiny baby doesn't want to be apart from their mothers. I cannot understand it.

Google 4th trimester, safe co sleeping, cluster feeding, slings/baby wearing. It's not easy all the time but it's normal. It's the whole point of maternity leave IMO. Find a good box set, get a cuppa and cuddle your babe. Mine is 7 months old and as relentless as it was, I so so miss those days!!!

That's fine in theory but what do you do if you also have other kids at home that need attention?

Shower yes but unless you are a single parent then your partner needs to cook, clean, do laundry etc. Also make you a pack lunch before they go to work. Google 4th trimester, you should be holding you baby the vast majority of the time.