My 6 week old baby is extremely clingy

[leilall]

Hi,

Looking for some advice I have a 6 week old baby. Who has been mostly breastfeed since birth other than the odd bottle of formula every couple of days here and there.

I'm struggling to get my newborn to sleep alone at night and during the day.
My baby will fall asleep in my arms and when I transfer him into his next to me cot. Within 5 minutes his awake and screaming. Yesterday I tried it over 10 times. Before I gave in at 4AM and went to sleep with him in my arms in bed sitting up.

During the day its pretty much the same unless I'm holding him or carrying him around. He cries (I put him down, fed, changed and burped) I have tried leaving him for 5 minutes before giving in.

I'm now finding his using my nipple as a pacifier. His currently latched with my nipple in his mouth, I take it out and he cries.
I even tried to trick him with placing the pacifier near my nipple. To see if he would take it (he wouldn't)

I spoke to my midwife, when he was 2 weeks old. Who suggested this is a newborn phrase and he will grow out of being so needy.
It's gotten worse. I just don't know what to do I shower my baby with hugs and kisses all day long. But I have to be able to break away so I can shower,cook, clean.

Helppppp???

6 weeks old.... come on.

There are some seriously judgemental comments on this thread!! My baby was never like this, he’s 6 months old and I never had to walk round with him in my arms 24/7. It might he normal but that certainly doesn’t mean the OP has to he okay with it, clearly she’s struggling!

You have a totally normal newborn.

My 6mo is still like this

My baby napped on me until she was about 16 weeks and now happily naps in my bed/pushchair. She is in bed with me still at night (8 months old). I try with the cot every now and then but she’s still not keen so I don’t push it.

Just another one here saying Fourth Trimester!

@WTF475878237NC

Soooooo many threads now with people confused why their tiny baby doesn't want to be apart from their mothers. I cannot understand it.

^ I know. Learning about the fourth trimester is in every baby book, website etc about babies. Clearly there is an educational gap in antenatal classes and some women just haven't known babies before having one so aren't prepared for a newborn's emotional needs

Or maybe mothers do know this but can't devote 100% of their attention 24/7 to the baby, not because they just don't want to but because they have other children that need attention or because they are exclusively pumping if their baby won't latch, or for a myriad of other reasons. Sleep deprivation has been used in the past as a form of torture & can be fatal if it goes on long enough.

@MyDcAreMarvel

Shower yes but unless you are a single parent then your partner needs to cook, clean, do laundry etc. Also make you a pack lunch before they go to work. Google 4th trimester, you should be holding you baby the vast majority of the time.

Not really feasible if your partner works all day & you have other children to look after too.

@Ajl46 the op does not mention other children.

No other children are mentioned.

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]@Ajl46 the op does not mention other children.[/quote]
The advice OP is getting presumably applies to all newborns - it can't be that second babies are less worthy of attention?

Plus, you are the comforter/pacifier. The OG model! Babies aren't using people 'as a pacifier' they're using pacifiers as a replacement for breasts!

This, over and over.

I would be more concerned if a 6 week old baby wasn't clingy.
Leave the cooking and cleaning - get your partner to do it, or just eat readymeals with one hand while baby is in the sling, and lower your standards for cleaning for a short time. It will probably last for about 4-6 more weeks and is totally normal.

Not really feasible if your partner works all day & you have other children to look after too
Of course its feasible for partner to do cooking and cleaning. Nobody works 24 hours a day. They can clean after work and when the other children (if any) are in bed.

@DockOTheBay

Not really feasible if your partner works all day & you have other children to look after too Of course its feasible for partner to do cooking and cleaning. Nobody works 24 hours a day. They can clean after work and when the other children (if any) are in bed.

Some people work 12hr+ days and have a long commute on top. Kids need to eat during the day & can't wait for another adult to come home. Clothes may need washing during the day. Other kids need attention during the day or they might be adversely affected. If it were possible to station yourself on the sofa & just cuddle your baby all day, believe me, I would!

It doesn't sound like this OP does which is why I said this. My 2nd lived in his sling for months while I chased his older sister around. Which is why I mentioned baby wearing.

Genuinely what did you think it would be like ?

Until recently your baby was part of you and doesn’t know any different.

Absolutely normal at 6 weeks, my two are still pretty needy at times too, they are 20 & 19! It does get easier, but you are being unrealistic with having such a young baby. It’s demanding, but it will get easier. Congrats and enjoy your baby.

I’m assuming you are maybe in the US for the use of the word pacifier ? It sounds a bit like you didn’t have realistic expectations and it may help you to be on here and read some more posts about how people have found it.

You won’t be the first to have had a shock after having had a child.

My DD is 5 and I still can't leave the room without her, not sure what you expect from a 6 week old!

Please can we drop the absolute bullshit scaremongering that cosleeping with a baby means you will still have them in bed with you when they’re older. Because that’s crap.

@SaveWaterDrinkGin I’m not scaremongering at all. I’m literally using examples of both people I know as well as what I see on MN. My point was, not everyone wants to co sleep. It’s really as simple as that

I could've written this a few weeks ago. It is definitely normal. They've been inside us for so long and suddenly it's taken away. They want that warmth and mummy's smell. My baby is nearly 3 months now and he finally sleeps in his next2me at night, so it does get better eventually! Now I just have to tackle getting him to have naps in the day that don't involve me! It's a gradual process and we just need to be patient.

I know this reply is now a year later but this could help mums like me who spends their precious little time to get answers and reassurance.

My lil one is now 10 weeks. She is clingy day and night, a velcro and she lets us and the whole neighborhood know if she doesn't get the cuddles she needs.

I went properly crazy, I cried, took my frustrations on my dh, my shoulder, neck and wrist ached from holding and rocking her. My stitches felt like it's going to open up from picking her up and putting her down. I put on weight because I ate like there's no tomorrow when I had the chance. I spendy wake times googling comfort and reassurance online. I needed to know if anyone is in the situation and what did they, will it gets easier.

Then at 10 weeks everything got a bit easier, she's still the same but my perspective changed as my understanding of being a mother progresses.

I then realised, goodness, my expectations of having a baby is delusional.

I thought I will have all the time in the world on my maternity leave. Feed the baby, put her down to sleep then I can do what I want to do. Hahaha I am soooo stupid. DD is a baby, how scary is it to be yanked out of a cozy and warm place then just to expect her to sleep away from me her mother.

So I decided from then on to just f#@k all the rules and advice. Middle finger to them all!

1. We f#@k the crib and next to me cot, and we safely co sleep for our sanity. I need enough sleep for all our mental health.

1. In laws and parents said "don't carry the baby too much" "let baby cry out" "baby should have a routine"- f@#k and middle finger to them. I spend weeks and weeks and I went crazy because I listened to them. My baby was sooo unhappy when I try their advice. She cried and cried and never had a good sleep.

So I carried my baby all the time. All the time. It's not forever. This phase will end when it needs to end. For now I will do what's needed, give whatever she needs and do whatever so I can survive this phase without losing my sh#t.

This is what I'm doing atm to survive

1. Involved DH, he takes baby from 5am so I can have a shower and get myself ready for the day and make myself bfast and food for the day. In return he has bfast in bed. When there's time I hoover the house.

1. I meal prep on a weekend ready for the week coming so no rushing and flapping cooking.

1. One take away per week. One or two meal out a week. One ready made food a week.

1. Baby is amaze with balloons she spends maximum 15mins looking at it while lying on her cot. Precious time for me to fold laundry or do the washing.

1. Dh takes baby after dinner till 9ish in the evening while I have a nap.

1. Friday and Saturday night it's his turn to have the baby at night

1. Saturday 2hours me time. Get my nails done, go for a walk etc.

1. Read Mumsnet, I have read a lot of threads here that was helpful to my sanity.

This is normal. Baby is doing what it evolved to do. Stay with its primary caregiver in order to stay safe.

My 14 month old has a good attachment to me still.