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Parenting

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Not ready to leave my baby yet but invited somewhere without baby

76 replies

PlantMummy87 · 28/03/2022 22:26

It's my friend's birthday coming up and she has invited me to go for a meal with her and a few other friends which is lovely.

Baby will be 4 months old then. I'm starting to get really worried about the expectation that I should be ready to leave baby at home with her dad by now. I've only been away from baby twice since she was born, once when I had to take our dog to the vets and once when her dad took her for walk on his own. I know I'm currently experiencing some severe post natal anxiety that is mainly around baby's health and leaving her with anyone else and am reaching out to get help from GP and HV now as it is causing a lot of distress to me including panic attacks and distressing intrusive thoughts. Baby is exclusively breastfed and I've also had a lot of anxiety over introducing a bottle.

I initially thought as my friend lives around an hour away, in the same town as my family, that I would go to my family's with my husband and baby and he would look after baby there whilst I was out but wouldn't be too far away if they needed me, with the idea that I'd been able to feed baby before and after the meal without having to worry about the time travelling on top of the time being away at the meal. But it looks like now we will be meeting part way between all the friends invited now so will be in a small village somewhere in a pub or something. So this plan I had doesn't seem like it will work, but I'm not sure what else to do. My husband said that I should ask to bring baby otherwise I probably can't go as I'm guessing meal will be a few hours and then depending on where we meet travel will be around 30-45mins as country roads each way. I really don't want to come across as taking the attention away from my friend as its her birthday and often when you are out with babies people as drawn to baby or talk about them etc. My friend is a mum, but her kids are a bit older and I'm sure she is wanting grown-up time. What would you do in this situation? Thanks ☺️

OP posts:
ladycarlotta · 29/03/2022 14:28

I don't think you are unreasonable not to want to leave your baby at this age, particularly when they are EBF and 3 hours is just about the maximum you can be gone. Please disregard the posters who are saying that you need to sort out their anxiety, their baby was walking themselves to school at this age etc etc. 4 months is still very very little; the anxiety is something you are getting help for but in this case I think it's a red herring. Plenty of people do not leave their babies until they're much older.
I think I left mine for a similar dinner at this age but with the situation you described initially: the baby was with my partner at my mum's about 20 minutes walk away. It is OK to be comfortable with that scenario but not the one that's evolved.

Just be gentle on yourself. It's still really early days and you are still figuring out the whole parenting thing. There will be many other get-togethers so don't stress yourself out trying to get to this one if you really don't feel it's right.

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