Do you hide things from the kids?

[Mummyongin]

Do you hide things, specifically to hold boundaries eg screens, remotes, snacks etc? If not, how do you hold the boundary if it’s being pushed?

If she shares with a sibling then your just going to have to get up with her. She isn’t very challenging, she is your average early riser which is normal for some kids but she is being left unsupervised for hours which isn’t normal.

@SickAndTiredAgain

What is the current consequence for sneaking downstairs and eating crisps and chocolate, presumably after she’s been told not to do it?

We had a conversation today at teatime where we talked about what healthy snacks to have in the morning are, and she said she could resist the chocolate. I said if she can’t I will sort it by removing the chocolates.

I've never given a thought to having to hide things. If mine are told no then it's a no and there's never any drama, they'd certainly never think of sneaking things in a million years.

She's spinning you a yarn. But if her answer salves your conscience, crack on.

So no consequences then, really. She's 5 - you need to be having those discussions at the time and putting something in place to deter her from making the bad choices there and then.

I had 5,30 wakeup's for several years and it's only really in the last couple of years that my early riser is allowed down without me in tow - and he's 10 (single parent too - at least it sounds like you have someone to share the early mornings with). Luckily, mine is addicted to cream crackers so tends to feast on these (not the best but could be a lot worse!)

We had a conversation today at teatime where we talked about what healthy snacks to have in the morning are, and she said she could resist the chocolate. I said if she can’t I will sort it by removing the chocolates.

She's 5!!! Why is she getting so much responsibility and pressure?

Fair enough put the snacks and chocolates away if need be. Leave her cereal,fruit,yogurt,crackers whatever you are comfortable with on the table as an easy access reminder. She's not not resisting chocolate, she's a 5 yo that makes 5 yo choices.

@Justmuddlingalong

She's spinning you a yarn. But if her answer salves your conscience, crack on.

She's 5!! She's not spinning anything. She's a small child left to her own devices,downstairs alone, while everyone else sleeps. She probably believes what she says and has the best intentions,maybe she'll even try. That's in the evening ,having a chat with mummy,wanting to please her and having her attention .But what 5 yo will stay hungry until mum gives her breakfast or pick a cracker over chocolate when there's no one to supervise and remind?

@Mummyongin

Do you hide things, specifically to hold boundaries eg screens, remotes, snacks etc? If not, how do you hold the boundary if it’s being pushed?

Do you hide things, specifically to hold boundaries eg screens, remotes, snacks etc? No. Never have and hope never will.

If not, how do you hold the boundary if it’s being pushed?
There are expectations. My lo is 7,but never helps himself to food without asking unless I've specifically said can do so.
Likewise my lo asks for electronics access and knows they get time etc, but within the parameters set.

If your child cannot abide by the parameters or if you haven't set these, then msyve the child should not be going downstairs unsupervised. That, to me, requires trustand that obviously is currently beyond them. Perhaps going back to basics. Instilling the expectations.

That's my point, ldontWanna. She's just saying "yes mum, I won't do it again, mum."

@Mummyongin
She shares a room with her younger brother so putting her back in her room at 5.30/6am would wake him up. We’ve tried reward charts and it just makes her less inclined to do anything that isn’t rewarded and then meltdown if she misses a star and loses the reward.

Maybe I’m losing the plot or have a very challenging 5 year old but I’m struggling to imagine how some of the suggestions here would work?

*Perhaps get up when she dues and supervise her? You are the parents after all.

@LightDrizzle

I used to hide my coconut Boost bars and Walkers Cheese & Onion from my small child It wasn't a boundary so much as greed and hypocrisy though.

I wouldn't be letting her go downstairs at that time alone, especially if you are asleep and may not hear if anything happened. If you think she'd wake her brother, get her to come through to your bed and watch cartoons on an iPad while you snooze next to her. No food until reasonable breakfast time.

I’m finding the comments difficult and trying to get to sleep so will log off for tonight and update tomorrow.

She's 5 years old at that age of left unsupervised of course she's going to go for the snacks. I don't think they have the level of self-control that you're imagining here.

One of you needs to be getting up and supervising her if she's downstairs from 5.30/6. RIP to your sleep but it's not really fair to put the responsibility on her shoulders while you snooze away.

Don't buy chocolate and crisps?

@Mummyongin

I’m finding the comments difficult and trying to get to sleep so will log off for tonight and update tomorrow.

You seem to really be struggling and for that I am sorry. Is there more going on here than just this issue?

My three used to come downstairs and watch cartoons leaving me in bed on a Saturday morning, my first could use the remote better than I could by 2 yrs old😂, I was aware tho, not sleeping properly and listening out. I would leave suitable food/cereal/bagels out and they wouldn't attack the chocolate. I have to admit to stashing some snacks/cereals in the boot of the car tho as they got older so that there was some left mid week without me having to shop again when they all turned into bottomless teenagers! Oh and any special snacks/chocolate I wanted to be there when I wanted some🍫😉

It sounds like you have a solution focused 5 yo @Mummyongin ! Frustrating for you right now but she will go far in life.

I also have 2 children this way. One more so. My eldest is a rule follower. My youngest will happily find a solution to whatever challenge you put to him. (The little sod!)

Both of them react well to rules though. We don't have many but the ones we do have I enforce. And they know it. They aren't allowed iPads but are allowed to watch tv. They know that when I say 5 min warning I mean it. My daughter is a carb queen and would happily eat toast and potatoes all day. We have a conversation around porridge for breakfast is healthier and she can either have a sandwich at lunchtime or toast for breakfast.

We leave snacks out but they know that once they are gone they are gone. They also know that if they have more than 1 in a day that that is greedy and they shouldn't do it. Doesn't stop them asking and me asking them how many they've had that day... but they know the answer!

I feel you about the early wake up. I too hate getting up and often don't - I'll lie upstairs but my house is open plan so I really can hear everything with my door open! If I had issues with the kids eating junk of a morning I simply wouldn't buy it. You need to draw the line in the sand and reset the status quo of what's acceptable in your household. You've got this though. Choose your day for starting anew and start from there

I hide chocolate because I don't want my 3 yo to see it and be sucked into another tantrum as we have plenty of them throughout the day. Don't get me wrong, I don't restrict chocolate as he can have it once in a while but no need for it to become a part of his daily snacks. I don't hide fruit though which he helps himself after a meal.

I think what you said in your post that you told her the TV doesn't work before 7am gives an inkling as to where this is going wrong- you aren't telling your dd she MUSTN'T do it, you're telling her it's not POSSIBLE. Mine has always been an early riser (8) and she gets up but she's not allowed to get her ipad, or get snacks, or turn the telly on on weekdays. She's always known that and has colouring/ fruit/ water left out for her the night before when she was younger, even now really. Books and fruit caused her to go back to bed and sleep, if she wakes her little brother up there's no ipad/ tv all day. If she does things she's not allowed to do in the morning she's sent back to bed and then loses something she wants. Obviously we get up there and then at 5/6 and send her back to bed, we don't get up at 7/8 and send her to bed! I've found if there's nothing for her to do she'll sleep another hour or so until 7 and if she thinks she can have the ipad etc like in the summer holidays she'll be up from 5.

My daughter is a naturally early riser. She's fifteen and regularly gets up at 7am at the weekend. I think it's mad but hey, it floats her boat. As a child she would have loved to get up at 5am but I was not OK with it so I just told her that 7am was the earliest I was prepared to get up, bought her a clock she could understand and refused to engage with anything that happened before 7am.

I don't see what the problem is. Make her life super dull before 7am is my advice. And yes, that might mean disabling the TV but I can't see how that has a downside.

The issue that made me post is that my 5 year old gets up at 5.30am and eats chocolate and crisps and watches tv for 1-2 hours before anyone else is up. Then won’t eat breakfast. It’s not an ideal routine for her and DH wants/tries to hide things but I’m worried about starting a sneak competition.

Between 2 adults maybe you could arrange one gets up with the child.

My 5 year old would probably help himself to treat food as well OP, so don't panic. My 3 year old seems to have a lot more self control with snacks, I haven't done anything differently so I think it's just their way. I wouldn't beat yourself up over that aspect.

I've got everything like that in a high cupboard and they can have it in moderation, then they're is a drawer they can reach with healthier snacks - rice cakes, crackers, raisins etc. Stuff they like but won't eat for the sake of it. Maybe I am demonising some foods and of course it would be great if they were both like the 3 year old, but they're not and what's the alternative - let the 5 year old eat as much junk as he likes and have weight problems before he reaches secondary school? Hopefully self control is something we can work on as he gets older, but allowing him to become overweight now isn't going to do any good.

I reckon you probably do have to get up early with her though. Mine is an early riser, although he will usually come and get me/I hear him and wake up before going downstairs. If he did go downstairs the TV remote would be out of reach anyway because that's where we happen to keep it, so he's quickly get bored. I don't really have an issue with the TV in the mornings though, it's more that something else could happen whilst she's unattended. Is he noise of her going downstairs not waking you up? Or are you just trying to go back to sleep because it's so early? I think she needs to be told to come in and get you/her Dad and you need to go down with her, let her have the telly if that makes it easier while you wake up slowly with a coffee or whatever. I have actually come to quite like the early mornings. I stick the telly on and if I've got lots to do I crack on with jobs while he's quiet (washing, prep tea etc) or just chill out for a bit before the day starts.

I wouldn't beat yourself up about keeping the food out of reach though. I know the modern way of thinking is to not have any foods off limits so that children learn that all foods are fine as long as you moderate them, and that's great if you have the sort of child it works for, but they're all different.

She sounds like a very clever little girl OP, but is obviously pushing the boundaries with it!

My friend has a little boy like this, he is labelled as naughty (he does do very naughty things tbf) but is also really intelligent to add to it so it makes it all the harder to parent him sometimes.

She had to resort to having all snacks in a box, then on a night bringing the snacks in her bedroom so that the kids couldn't sneak down (more than 1) and eat them on the sly! They knew that if they wanted them they had to wake her which in turn they knew would make her annoyed and lead to a consequence. It wasn't a perfect method but it's the only thing that stopped the snacking, not so much the TV though

No way would I be getting up at 5:30 because that's when my child decided to start the day.

OP you don't seem to have made it clear enough to your daughter that it's not acceptable to be up watching television and eating snacks at that time.
You can't enforce boundaries you haven't set.
You need to be crystal clear about what you want her to do if she wakes up and can't get back to sleep.
If you don't want her to watch TV then by all means disable the TV but you also need to tell her no TV until 7, don't tell her it's broken or doesn't work until then. Tell her she's not allowed to watch it, I'd take the remote control to bed with you.
The same with snacks, hide the chocolate but also tell her only fruit or whatever before breakfast.
When you put her to bed go over your expectations every time.
If she breaks the rules the time to talk about it is at the time you discover what's happened not hours later at dinner.
Leave simple signs downstairs to remind her, on the living room door, on the TV, on the snack cupboard. They can be quite effective for small children.