Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Grandparents want my child to stay over..

69 replies

Firstbaby1234 · 28/02/2022 14:06

My partners mother has asked to have my son overnight since he was around 3 weeks, he is now 11 weeks and I still don’t feel comfortable leaving him to stay over and not being with me. I feel like I am being so pressured!! Any advice?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/02/2022 14:09

Your dp needs to have a word with her.

Garman · 28/02/2022 14:10

Just say no, he's still tiny, still in the fourth trimester. You don't have to leave your baby overnight or otherwise until you feel ready, might be next week, might be next year, but it's up to you, not grandparents or anyone else.

dipdye · 28/02/2022 14:10

Er, no

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Babies & sleep Families General parenting

Yellowsubhubabubbub · 28/02/2022 14:12

Do what your happy with. A lot of well meaning family members see it as giving you a night off, but of course Baby is too little yet. As above 4th trimester.
Happily hand Baby over for a lunch and a walk for a few hours if you’re bottle feeding.

BooksAndHooks · 28/02/2022 14:13

Is never so that. None of mine stayed at my parent’s before a year. They wouldn’t take a bottle.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/02/2022 14:14

Just say no, say it’s very kind and when he’s older you may take them up on the offer- end of.

Kikifava · 28/02/2022 14:14

This is crazy, don’t let them pressure you. Just say no

Mumdiva99 · 28/02/2022 14:17

My son was 14 months....(pfb and ebf). My other kids were around the year mark. I wasn't comfortable leaving them before then. And I love my parents and wasn't worried about their abilities. I just wanted my babies with me. Other mums on MN leave babies at 6 week to go on 2 week holidays.....I may be exaggerating somewhat....it's whatever you are happy with. But GP should accept your decision without question.

gogohm · 28/02/2022 14:17

My dd was 6 months and we asked not the other way around

cptartapp · 28/02/2022 14:21

No one ever asked to have mine so young, or even when older really. This is alien to me. By thirteen years of age, three sleepovers in total. I'd have killed for it by 11 weeks. Both were on a bottle and sleeping pretty well. No one interested.
But we're all different, you do you.

theremustonlybeone · 28/02/2022 14:22

Placing pressure on a new mum to hand over her baby for a sleep over since baby was 3 weeks old is shocking. I think if your DP cant deal with his mum i think your going to have to tell her to stop asking as it wont be happening yet.

PeacefulPrune · 28/02/2022 14:25

Be firm. Learn to say no and not feel bad about it. Remember they are making you feel uncomfortable by asking/expecting you. It's ok for them to not be happy with you saying no.
Tell them you'll consider it when baby is older and give them a specific time like 1 year old so that they know they shouldn't be asking you until then.

AliasGrape · 28/02/2022 14:26

My dd is 18 months and we’ve never left her with anyone overnight. Her grandparents wouldn’t want that but my sister has suggested it quite a few times. I Iove my sister and completely trust her but still haven’t felt the need.

It’s up to you. Don’t be pushed into anything.

What are they like generally? Are they kind and supportive? Does your partner have your back? Really it should be him speaking to them telling them to back off. If he won’t just say ‘thanks, not yet but we will keep that in mind for when baby is older’ and if they still push ‘please don’t keep asking, baby and I are not ready for that yet, if that changes I will definitely let you know’. If they can’t accept that I’d honestly avoid them altogether till they get the message.

Petsop · 28/02/2022 14:27

Way too little

BlusteryLake · 28/02/2022 14:27

That's far too young, what are they thinking? It's lovely that they are keen to help out, but I would say 12 months + is a much more appropriate age.

MissDynamite23 · 28/02/2022 14:33

Definitely be firm but, unless there’s any issues with MIL that mean you wouldn’t ever want to leave the baby with her, I’d do it in a gracious way: “that’s such a kind offer, it would be great to take you up on it at some point to give us a break. Right now neither baby or me are ready to be apart, but thanks so much. We will let you know - maybe have a think again at 6 months and see how we feel, baby might be sleeping better by then so it will be easier for everyone. Thanks again!”

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/02/2022 14:34

No way. He’s barely been born. No baby needs to be away from their parents, not many new mums want to be away from their babies. I’m always suspicious of anyone who claims they can’t bond unless they have a baby alone, it’s weird.

DD and my mum are obsessed with each other, they’re so so close and it makes me incredibly happy as neither I nor my mum had close relationships with our grandparents. She’s never been away from her dad and me overnight and she’s nearly 3.

No one who cares about you or your son will put pressure on you to do something you’re not comfortable with. That’s horrible.

Find your voice. Say a firm no thank you and ask that it’s not to be brought up again. “I don’t want to be away from him and will let you know if and when I change my mind but it probably won’t be for at least 6 months/a year/etc. you’re making me feel stressed and uncomfortable by bringing it up and I don’t want to talk about it again so please stop asking”.

This won’t be the last time someone tries to push you around or tell you what to do. Get used to creating a boundary and sticking to it. It’ll get easier the more you do it.

They’ll probably call you overprotective, overly attached, anxious or selfish. Fuck. Then. He’s your baby, you know what’s best for him. Say no.

NowEvenBetter · 28/02/2022 14:38

Your boyfriend needs to step up and advocate for you and the infant. Shocking that he hasn’t bothered yet. Does he know zero about child development and attachment needs?

ellenpartridge · 28/02/2022 14:40

I would nip this in the bud now and firmly tell them you will let them know when you are ready, whether that is in weeks, months or years, so to stop pressuring you. Repeatedly asking for overnight with a tiny baby is so completely inappropriate and is obviously all about their wants not about what's best for the baby or what might help you.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 28/02/2022 14:42

Just laugh and say you waited 9 months for him and you aren't ready to part with him just yet. Add you will let them know if /when you are. Let them know you won't be nagged at.

Raindancer411 · 28/02/2022 14:42

The baby isn't a toy to be had over for her to oggle over, 11 weeks is way too going. Are you breastfeeding and can use that as an excuse?

You let it happen when YOU, and only you say so...

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 28/02/2022 14:45

"When he's older, I'm sure he will love sleepovers at Granny's MIL. But for now, he just wants milk at night. Cup of tea?"

Original poster

Firstbaby1234 · 28/02/2022 14:58

My partner is very supportive and he does say to his mother that our son needs to be with mummy and daddy right now but then she takes a strop! I have kindly said no and thanked her for the offer but she still asks every week! I say the same thing every week and that is that he is too young and I am not ready for sleepovers. Her reply is back when my partner was a child he was staying with her mum from 3 weeks.. she really doesn’t give up!

OP posts:

Original poster

Firstbaby1234 · 28/02/2022 14:59

I am also formula feeding so can’t use breastfeeding as an excuse! :(

OP posts:

GlitteryGreen · 28/02/2022 15:00

I think it's weird that she'd expect to take such a tiny baby from you so soon.

Surely most people wouldn't even want to care for a baby that young through the night!? She'll be up and down so much.

Stick to your guns.

Flip

1 2 3