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Original poster

Grandparents want my child to stay over..

69 replies

Firstbaby1234 · 28/02/2022 14:06

My partners mother has asked to have my son overnight since he was around 3 weeks, he is now 11 weeks and I still don’t feel comfortable leaving him to stay over and not being with me. I feel like I am being so pressured!! Any advice?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

looklikeanelephant · 28/02/2022 15:01

Just wanting to be with your baby and not feeling comfortable is a perfectly valid reason OP, I didn't breastfeed my first but I still didn't feel comfortable until she was just over a year old

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/02/2022 15:03

I say the same thing every week and that is that he is too young and I am not ready for sleepovers. Her reply is back when my partner was a child he was staying with her mum from 3 weeks.. she really doesn’t give up!

Mil, we've made our feelings on this perfectly clear - enough now. Stop.

RatherBeRiding · 28/02/2022 15:04

Well, you aren't her and your child isn't your partner as a child, so what happened decades ago is totally irrelevant.

If she won't give up, then neither do you. Just keep saying no thank you, maybe when he's older. Every time. EVERY time. And don't let her see how irritating it is. Just smile nicely and refuse to get into a discussion.

As for the well when DP was a child he was with my mum from birth - more smiling and nodding and Oh well that was then wasn't it?

Wear her down - don't let her wear you down.

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Shainago · 28/02/2022 15:05

You dont need an excuse.
Youre not her partner's mum. You do things differently.
Tell her that when you were little, you werent allowed to stay at your grandmas overnight till you were potty trained. See what she thinks of that

Echobelly · 28/02/2022 15:05

Can you maybe set a reasonable time scale so that it's not just a 'No', it's a 'Not now'?

Like 'If he's sleeping through at X months, we'd be delighted but we don't want him to be keeping you up'

I'm not sure when we first left oldest with my parents, but pretty sure we left son at 5 months for a night out. Boy, were my boobs sore by the end - but he was fine!

I'm a big exponent of getting babies used to staying with other family members early on, so they can settle easily in different places - it really paid dividends for us. But if you're not comfortable with it now, that's entirely fine and your choice.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 28/02/2022 15:06

Imo her not having your mobile number takes a lot of in law stresses away.
I left all the nagging for photos and other crap to dh.

Original poster

Firstbaby1234 · 28/02/2022 15:08

I ideally want to wait until he is over a year for any sleepovers! But I have let her take him out for the day every so often so it isn’t as if she never sees him! I think I will take what some of you have said and be persistent! Thanks everyone :)

OP posts:

bedheadedzombie · 28/02/2022 15:11

My MIL asked once when dd was weeks old. I told her that I wasn't ready yet and might not be ready for the next 16 years.

That was an exagerration of course, but I still don't want to be away from my dd overnight and she's 15 months. I don't see that changing any time soon either.

I now take her to play with granny every week while I go shopping. Granny likes that. It helps if you can figure out something that will make them happy without being too difficult for you. My MIL just want to babysit a bit on her own, get some cuddles, change a diaper, remembering her own kids. I get that, and that's why she gets weekly alone time with dd but no overnights. It's enough for her for now, so win-win.

RestingPandaFace · 28/02/2022 15:27

Totally your choice and your DP needs to have another word and tell her to stop asking. If she asks again tell her that you appreciate the offer and you will let her know when you’re ready, but it a way off yet.

DS stayed at my DMs for the third time last night and he’s 51/2!

RedRobyn2021 · 28/02/2022 15:43

Omg that is crazy

Look, if you don't feel comfortable with that DO NOT DO IT

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with your baby

People will keep saying they're trying to help to give you a break, but if you don't want it then they're not helping

Mischance · 28/02/2022 15:47

How I hate this "asking" to have a baby/child overnight. What the heck is that about? It is as if the baby is some sort of commodity to be ordered - like a takeaway.

I am a grandmother 7 x over. I have at times had a child overnight when I have been asked to as the parents have need of that help. But the idea that I might ask to have them as some sort of treat for me is utterly bizarre.

I have of course enjoyed having them when this has happened - but they do not exist for my pleasure!!!

It is utterly nuts - who are these crazy people?

AKASammyScrounge · 28/02/2022 18:37

He:,s too young as yet.
Just tell her that and get your husband to back you up.
.

KylieCharlene · 28/02/2022 18:47

Your husband needs to tell her that her pressuring you both is really not on and that it's going to ruin your relationship with her.
Neither of you are comfortable with baby sleeping over and it won't be happening for some time. You both appreciate that she loves dgs and you'll let her know when/if you both think a sleepover is appropriate.
My DS didn't stay overnight until he was 2years old and that only started when I gave birth to DD and was struggling with a newborn and a toddler and I really needed some time alone with DD to bond. Mil would have him once a fortnight overnight and he enjoyed going there.
DD was around 1.5years when she started sleeping over with her brother at Mils.

Chely · 28/02/2022 19:31

Is she on drugs? Be clear with her that it is not happening until you feel ready.
If that is months or years she just has to lump it, you do not need to give reasons or excuses.

gmailconfusion2 · 28/02/2022 20:07

My inlaws had SIL's child from 1 week old most weekends, my child is 20months and will be staying with my parents in a few months time so we can attend a wedding, but that will be the first time. There hasn't been a need, and most nights she'll only settle for me anyway.

Just say when you are ready you'll let them know. With my in-laws, due to some previous behaviour, it will be when I can be told what has happened by my child, and not their version of the sleep over.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 28/02/2022 20:20

My sil left her dc with ils the week end they were born.
I actually felt quite sorry for ils as time went on. They never even had my dc round for tea!! Prob too exhausted!

Nomoreusernames1244 · 28/02/2022 20:21

I'm a big exponent of getting babies used to staying with other family members early on, so they can settle easily in different places - it really paid dividends for us

How do you know they wouldn’t have settled anyway?

Mine never stayed with relatives early on, never saw the point. Never had a problem with them settling in different places with or without us once they were older.

If the o/p chooses not to leave her baby overnight it doesn’t mean the baby won’t settle elsewhere ever, and suggesting it will just makes you sound smug and know it all.

IsItTooHotInHere · 28/02/2022 20:26

I'm a granny and would never have dreamt of asking to have my GC overnight at that age! They started staying when they were about 4 or 5 years old.

isadoradancing123 · 28/02/2022 20:26

I never understand why these mothers want to have their new grandchildren overnight, why would you want a baby who most likely does not sleep through to come and disrupt your sleep, esp when you can see them during the day

tearinghairout · 28/02/2022 20:27

I think ours were about ten before they stayed over at the ILs !
Stick to your guns. She must see how uncomfortable you are with her keeping on asking, yet she still does it. She's a bully.

beautifullymad · 28/02/2022 20:28

Mine were all over 18 months before sleepovers. Even then it felt too early but it worked. My MIL stayed at our house for three days and we went away for a short break.
It would have made me really anxious really to have been without them overnight any earlier. The whole point of it is to give you a break so what's the point if it's not working for you?

Can you explain to her how your baby's absence will affect you? It might help her understand.

Nelliephant1 · 28/02/2022 20:34

My kids are grown and never stayed over with my parents. My mother would have had them move in with her if she'd got the chance so it was easier not to do it at all rather than close the gate after the horse had bolted.

Tee20x · 28/02/2022 20:36

Just say no, shut it down end of. You don't even have to give a reason.

Dottdoo · 28/02/2022 20:54

Honestly wtf is wrong with bloody overbearing Grandparents thesedays?

Set her straight! I would scoff in my MILs face and simply say - absolutely not, don't even ask such a ridiculous thing again. Then I'd pull the strop first! Let her worry she's upset you!

It is weird how any woman would want to take a newborn baby from it's mother, it's cruel! Especially when the mother is not asking for that. It's lovely when people offer - I.e if you ever need a night off - I'm always here. And if a mother says - that would be great I desperately need a night's sleep, then fine.

But to push for an overnight stay that a mother with a newborn doesn't want - in my mind is just twisted!

Sorry - been in a foul mood all day and lashing out - at - well your MIL - it seems, lol.

Seeleyboo · 28/02/2022 21:18

That would be a no from me. Mine are 5 and 6 and they have never been away. I know they're safe and warm at home at night and if they need us we are here.

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