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Original poster

Husband keeps kissing baby with cold sore

83 replies

HelterSkelter224 · 09/02/2022 17:46

I'm in an absolute panic - my husband keeps kissing our 2 month baby despite having an active cold sore. He keeps saying I'm overreacting and his cold sore is gone (it isn't). I've sent him links and screenshots as he doesn't believe me how serious this is and he is just being so stubborn, I have no idea why. I don't know what the hell to do!!!

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WTF475878237NC · 09/02/2022 21:13

This is vile. I could not imagine my husband doing this to our children. I would go and stay elsewhere until it's gone and tell everyone he's a selfish arse who is not protecting your baby.

userxx · 09/02/2022 21:22

Why the fuck would he do that ?

WonderfulYou · 09/02/2022 21:42

I actually would LTB for this.

Me too and I don’t often say that.

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Original poster
HelterSkelter224 · 10/02/2022 02:00

@WonderfulYou

I actually would LTB for this.

Me too and I don’t often say that.

Honestly it is seriously making me rethink our relationship. We've just had a huge argument I think he finally accepts how dangerous it is and seems remorseful for that at least. Doesn't change the danger our daughter is in though as we wait and hope she hasn't caught the virus. And doesn't change his lack of respect for me.
OP posts:
Rudeppl · 10/02/2022 02:11

Surely if he’s been kissing her like you say he has, she would have caught the virus by now? I would speak to a doctor ASAP. Leave this stupid man.

LimeSegment · 10/02/2022 02:40

He's in the wrong, for sure.

The only thing I'd say is that if he gets cold sores, your DD will be exposed no matter what he does. The virus is so contagious and it's all over you, even before you know one is coming. Even if you wash your hands constantly and never kiss your kid ever it will be all over your house. People who say their parents have cold sores and they never got them, you were exposed but your immune system fought off the virus and a blood test would reveal the antibodies.

mrssunshinexxx · 10/02/2022 03:30

Honestly? I'd be kicking him out
I'm speechless

Wavypurple · 10/02/2022 03:52

Maybe people should stop posting horror stories about babies dying. Doubt it’s really helpful to the OP right now.

bunnyskywalker · 10/02/2022 04:39

@HelterSkelter224 I have a newborn and have had a major outbreak of cold sores. It sent me into a frenzy but what I have found out is that if the mother has herpes (so if you've ever had a cold sore) then you transfer neutralising antibodies across the placenta, so neonates are protected if their mother already has the virus, it's only an issue if mum gets herpes late in pregnancy or never had it as baby won't get antibodies from you. You might also be someone who has the virus but has never had an outbreak which is possible if your partner has them

BritInUS1 · 10/02/2022 04:42

He needs to stop

This happened to my friend and her baby then developed brain damage which was attributed to this

Totalwasteofpaper · 10/02/2022 05:13

YANBU OR A NAG.

He is behaving terribly and in an incomprehensible manner.
My cousin gas brain damage from this. It was an aunt who infected her!!!!!

I would be screaming the house down and ed be banished from the bedroom. I wouldn't let him touch her or be physically near her.

This morning I would sit him down and tell him he needs to leave your home. Now. TODAY. Its not up for discussion. Ge cannot behave like an adult. Its not up down discussion and once the cold sore is gone he can return. (You'll want photo evidence) and you can discuss.

Ideally you'd physically remove him from the home and send him to his parents / a friends... whatever. If he won't I'd pack some things and get out to your mums if you can. I'd genuinely consider separating over this.

PolytheneRam · 10/02/2022 05:24

I'm really confused every time I read these threads.

When DC1 was born, 17 years ago, I had an absolutely horrendous coldsore outbreak with about four sores, going up as far as my nose. I was a young mum and hadn't had any experience at all with babies. I also didn't have Internet access at the time. Not one person, even the midwives in the hospital, warned me that I shouldn't be kissing my baby. I kissed my baby a lot! I'm not suggesting that this wasn't dangerous, just that I had no idea it was! Why wouldn't someone have said something? Is it new knowledge?

I totally avoided kissing bany DC2 (now 2) during an outbreak.

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 10/02/2022 05:38

Even though your husband has apparently now 'seen the light', is there someone you could go and stay with (your parents, a friend, even a Premier Inn) until his cold sore goes? I say this because sadly I am not sure that you can trust him around the baby if you are not there, and it might also show him that you are serious, and that if he doesn't start respecting you, then the next one out of the door will be him, permanently.

Chocomelon · 10/02/2022 05:42

@PolytheneRam I didn't know how dangerous this was until recently either but I've never had a cold sore.

But even if you didn't know how dangerous it was why would you kiss baby with cold sores and risk passing it to them?

PolytheneRam · 10/02/2022 05:53

[quote Chocomelon]@PolytheneRam I didn't know how dangerous this was until recently either but I've never had a cold sore.

But even if you didn't know how dangerous it was why would you kiss baby with cold sores and risk passing it to them?[/quote]
Overwhelming love for my baby, I guess. I feel sick when I think of the damage I could have caused. I simply cannot understand why no one at the hospital would mention it when I had such a clear outbreak and was also a teenager with no life experience.

Thankfully my child was fine, and has never had a coldsore either, so is presumably a carrier of the virus.

IncompleteSenten · 10/02/2022 06:16

@Wavypurple

Maybe people should stop posting horror stories about babies dying. Doubt it’s really helpful to the OP right now.
The OP already knows infants can and do die because they have become infected. The very real danger to a baby if they contract the virus is not a horror story. It's reality.
Namechangegardens · 10/02/2022 06:45

OP I totally agree with others, you both have to make sure the kissing doesn't happen again, and your OH should be feeling extremely guilty right now.

NHS website says first 4 weeks are when babies are most vulnerable to it, hopefully this gives you some reassurance that your 8 week old will hopefully get through this without having caught the virus. I would be speaking to GP urgently this morning for any advice - perhaps they can give some prophylactic treatment for baby?

marieantoinehairnet · 10/02/2022 06:54

Also, take away all the possibilities around more serious things, your child will not thank him for passing on the virus and a lifetime of facial scabs

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 10/02/2022 08:27

@LimeSegment

He's in the wrong, for sure.

The only thing I'd say is that if he gets cold sores, your DD will be exposed no matter what he does. The virus is so contagious and it's all over you, even before you know one is coming. Even if you wash your hands constantly and never kiss your kid ever it will be all over your house. People who say their parents have cold sores and they never got them, you were exposed but your immune system fought off the virus and a blood test would reveal the antibodies.

This is not true. I spoke to a lot of experts after my ds got it and was told that you cannot catch it from surfaces. Asymptomatic viral shedding is a thing, but only happens at the site of infection (which in your husband will be where his cold sores appear). The infection is transferred by direct contact, and it needs to got into your body via an orifice or a cut.
BewareTheBeardedDragon · 10/02/2022 08:30

@PolytheneRam

I'm really confused every time I read these threads.

When DC1 was born, 17 years ago, I had an absolutely horrendous coldsore outbreak with about four sores, going up as far as my nose. I was a young mum and hadn't had any experience at all with babies. I also didn't have Internet access at the time. Not one person, even the midwives in the hospital, warned me that I shouldn't be kissing my baby. I kissed my baby a lot! I'm not suggesting that this wasn't dangerous, just that I had no idea it was! Why wouldn't someone have said something? Is it new knowledge?

I totally avoided kissing bany DC2 (now 2) during an outbreak.

As pp said that will be because you had transferred antibodies to baby while pregnant.

The reason no one warned you is because it is pretty rare and was not well known. I think it may be becoming more well known now. My ds was lucky to have a consultant who had had previous experience and thought to test him for the virus when he got sick.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 10/02/2022 08:32

@Namechangegardens

OP I totally agree with others, you both have to make sure the kissing doesn't happen again, and your OH should be feeling extremely guilty right now.

NHS website says first 4 weeks are when babies are most vulnerable to it, hopefully this gives you some reassurance that your 8 week old will hopefully get through this without having caught the virus. I would be speaking to GP urgently this morning for any advice - perhaps they can give some prophylactic treatment for baby?

This is a really good idea. They can also do blood tests. If baby has it, a blood test will pick it up.
NowEvenBetter · 10/02/2022 12:49

So he knew his actions could be fatal to the infant, and yet he got angry, and continued to expose her to the risk of death or brain damage?

Dunno how you could ever look at him again.

Userblabla · 10/02/2022 13:09

@LimeSegment

He's in the wrong, for sure.

The only thing I'd say is that if he gets cold sores, your DD will be exposed no matter what he does. The virus is so contagious and it's all over you, even before you know one is coming. Even if you wash your hands constantly and never kiss your kid ever it will be all over your house. People who say their parents have cold sores and they never got them, you were exposed but your immune system fought off the virus and a blood test would reveal the antibodies.

Both my parents get cold sores and did when I was a child. I’ve only had a cold sore once in my first pregnancy. The GP I initially spoke to said I can’t have been my first, I’ve just forgotten etc. then a blood test proved it was my first infection, which meant I had to take antivirals to stop the virus passing on to my baby. My Mum was a health professional so was always very careful about hygiene. So the virus may have been all over the house but I never caught it as a child. When you’re pregnant you are more susceptible to any kind of infection of course, which will be why I caught it then I guess and have never had one since.
BewareTheBeardedDragon · 10/02/2022 13:24

No - the virus cannot survive outside of the human body. You cannot get it from anything other than direct contact. This is a myth and massively adds to the stigma attached to herpes.

Somethingsnappy · 10/02/2022 13:30

So how are things today OP?