Husband keeps kissing baby with cold sore

[HelterSkelter224]

I'm in an absolute panic - my husband keeps kissing our 2 month baby despite having an active cold sore. He keeps saying I'm overreacting and his cold sore is gone (it isn't). I've sent him links and screenshots as he doesn't believe me how serious this is and he is just being so stubborn, I have no idea why. I don't know what the hell to do!!!

I literally swept DD1 from under a friend's puckered lips as a baby as friend had an active cold sore.
She gave me a huge guilt-trippy lecture on overreacting to "something most people have and she'll catch soon anyway".
We're not friends anymore.

Wow he is actually willing to risk his own babies life even after being told he is risking her safety?!
I would have him out of the door OP.

He's daft, give him a slap

He needs to stop.
I had cold sores (massive ones!) when DS was born. It was absolutely heartbreaking not to be able to kiss my tiny baby but needs must.

So he’s happy to risk killing his baby? I’d be leaving. Irrespective of how dangerous it is to a baby the fact he’s knowingly risking transmitting herpes is vile.

Show him this thread.

^absolutely show him this thread.

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

Its your job to protect her. He is showing you what order he thinks your boundaries, her needs and his wants.

Has he ever dismissed your knowledge before? Crossed boundaries? Undermined you? Made you doubt your abilities?

Honestly not really but he gets really defensive when there's anything to do with the baby.

And before there's a pile-on, I'm not a nag who constantly criticises him. But I can't keep quiet when he's putting her at risk.

New babies have a very underdeveloped immune system, and you have every single right to be concerned.

Holy cr@P, I would freak out.

@Chocomelon

Show him this thread.

Don’t fucking show him this thread

It’s stupid advice and no one should ever do this

At best it humiliates your partner and he is embarrassed and listens

At worst, he’s humiliated, angry and lashes out.

I get cold sores. I keep my face away from them in am outbreak and make sure I never kiss my kids anywhere near their lips at any time to try and reduce the risk. When I have one I hand wash frequently, when they were in nappies before every change. Honestly it is bad enough just deliberately giving an older child them for the whole of their life, let alone the more serious potential for such a young child. I would be keeping the child away from him and reporting to health visitor immediately. Nothing about this is ok.

@eurochick

He's a fucking idiot.

This

Leave. Tonight.

Don't just hope the baby doesn't catch something potentially lethal from him. I cannot understand why, when it's clear that you at least understand how dangerous his behaviour is you would continue to let him risk your child's life and safety like this.

If you stay and he does pass it on to your baby now, then you are pretty much as culpable as he is. You are now choosing him over her safety, to be honest.

Can you go stay with someone. Take the baby
It takes 10 days- 2 weeks for cold sore to clear usually

Not one parent I know would kiss a baby with active cold sore, that's Russian roulette

Nor would we kiss anyone and would be very careful around other people especially children

My great uncle gave me a cold sore when I was 5. It was miserable and I'm stuck with cold sore outbreaks rest of my life. Even more horrid when you are a child, My mum was so angry. I can hear her anger when she talks about it now. I think he was lucky she didn't beat him about the head. Funnily enough he didn't seem to visit at all after then. Think she cut him out our lives . Don't mess with my mum!

I agree if he won't stop then take her somewhere else until the cold sore has gone.
I get them, bloody annoying things, I've never kissed my daughter when I've had one, and it's bloody hard but it's a must. He is a total and utter idiot for doing this and for not listening to you.
There is a tool you can get that heats them up and kills the virus, for next time he starts to get one.

www.herpotherm.de/en/

Show him the website of the Kit Tarka foundation www.kittarkafoundation.org/ Baby Kit died from a cold sore.

I'd be taking her away so he physically can't. Stupid man.

Gosh op, I'm sorry he is behaving like this. I echo others take the baby and leave for a few days, until it's healed.
You have to protect her

Show him this thread then leave the house. If you don't keave and something happens you will never forgive yourself

I was about to say YABU - I assumed he kissed her without realising how dangerous it was or did it by accident but you have shown him the risks and he keeps doing this.

He might as well take a draw of a cigarette and blow it straight into the babies mouth.

If he 100% knows how dangerous it is and he is kissing the baby and not caring (not just doing it out of habit) then I would end the relationship asap.

It’s very worrying that he is doing this knowing it can harm his baby but also as a way to hurt you.

If he does it anymore tonight I would leave tonight but if not I’d ring the gp first thing tomorrow.

He's an idiot. The NHS website says that neo-natal herpes can kill a baby.

I have had this argument with my mum frequently, she'll kiss my children and then say it's gone when I can clearly still see it. It's absolutely infuriating. One thing that did help was her stomping into a pharmacy and asking the pharmacist about it, clearly hoping to be told I was over reacting, the pharmacist was horrified and told her the dangers for young babies. Could you get him to speak to a medical professional? Actually hearing it from someone might have more impact than reading online?

Not to diminish what he's done, and obviously some posters here have had some terrible experiences, but from what I've read neonatal herpes is actually very rare, is usually transmitted from genital herpes in the mother, and is most dangerous for babies under 4 weeks. Not that it's not horrible for your child to have to suffer from cold sores their whole life, but just to bring some balance about the risk.

I get coldsores when stressed or run down- so quite often in the winter.
I am 100% vigilant when I have an active cold sore with both my baby and my 2 older children. The virus can be deadly for babies but it's just horrible in general for anyone also, so why would I not do everything I can to make sure I do not spread it to any of my children ever.
Even if I get the tingle feeling before I take precautions.
Comped do a type of plaster to cover the cold sore. He could get this but Im not sure if it actually reduces transfer risk or if its purpose is to just make the lip look nicer.

At the very least he will be giving her a lifelong condition of getting the horrible things . My mum has had cold sores since a child and has always avoided kissing us as kids we never caught it. Your husband is being thoughtless and stubborn.

I’ve NCed for this, but - someone has already posted the link above to the Kit Tarka foundation. I know Kit’s parents and they are incredibly brave and wonderful people but all it took for Kit to die was one kiss with a cold sore. I actually would LTB for this.