Mums with two kids… Is one, both or neither of them an arsehole?

[HelpMeImAParent]

Good morning mums!

So. Here’s my story. My husband has two daughters from a previous marriage; they are 10 and 7. The eldest is a dream, the youngest is hard work.
My husband and I also have an 11 month old baby girl. I’m at the stage now where I’m thinking about having a second and final baby (though a surrogate sounds appealing because now I know how much that shit hurts).

What puts me off is the amount of people who’ve said that if their second kid had been their first one, they wouldn’t have had another. Or simply that one of their kids is great and the other is a nightmare. Our little girl is amazing… she’s super chilled out, hardly ever cries and she’s a real funny little character. I’m worried that if we have another, they will be a small, incontinent, considerably less pigmented version of Satan and I will spend the rest of my coffee fuelled days wishing that I hadn’t convinced my husband to give me his seed.

Unfortunately without a try before you buy option, I have taken to mumsnet in search of some (hopefully) comforting stories. If it turns out that at least one of the kids is usually an arsehole, I’ll be getting a new plant instead.

While my younger DD keeps us on our toes, she is not a problem. She just has yet to develop a sense of self preservation at nearly 9 years old and does daft things like throw herself off the top of climbing frames.

I know plenty of younger siblings who ate similar...

I have two. When he was a baby, the youngest was hard work due to undiagnosed allergies.

Now as a 6 year old, he is much better behaved than his 8 year old sister

The second will often seem harder work because you also have the first to look after. Both children are always competing for attention and the one that cries/shouts/screams loudest often wins! This child will therefore seem more difficult.

It's partly luck of the draw and a bit of outside influence really - there's no guarantees when it comes to an individual.

Both of my kids have gone through various levels of arsehole-ness on the 0-10 scale in my 16 years of having them here.

My first was a dream as a baby. She's getting a little bit cheeky now she's nearly 3 but she's still good. My second is also a dream baby and sleeps loads better than the first, who was already a decent sleeper.

Lol to this.
My eldest is defo much much harder than my second. In many respects she's just one of life's awkward people. I'm sure she's going to be an absolutely amazing woman whom I'll be honoured to call my daughter!

I have two. The first is a 'challenging' child, everything is a battle - although he is also funny and bright and inventive and quirky and I love him to bits. My second is a dream - she's helpful, loving, polite, compliant, bubbly and an endless source of joy. However I know plenty of families with two terrors or two absolute cherubs so I think it's just the luck of the draw.

I have two. They're both great. My first was a non-sleeper, but is otherwise a reasonable child, my second ate and slept wonderfully, but has an immovable stubborn streak.

Babies are little humans, and like any other humans, come in all the personalities.

My first was a very high maintenance Velcro baby (possibly with some silent reflux too, who knows) and his newborn days left me traumatised. However, he is an absolutely delightful older child.

My second was a much more easygoing baby and is still a better sleeper (although this is graded on the curve of my babies who Do Not Like Sleep). He is a bit of a terror, moreso than the eldest, but mostly just because he's 3.

Babies all have their own personalities because they're little humans. Who knew.

I have two DC.

An older ds and a younger DD.

Ds was a dream baby...DD was a nightmare.

Now they're 11/13. My DD is an absolute angel and ds is an absolute nightmare! Love them both obviously!!

1st was a fucking arsehole. Still is at 27. 2nd was a dream and still is at 23. 3rd was a mix of both and still is at 22. My 6 year old is a bitch and my 5 year old is an arsehole. lighthearted obviously.

@Seeleyboo

1st was a fucking arsehole. Still is at 27. 2nd was a dream and still is at 23. 3rd was a mix of both and still is at 22. My 6 year old is a bitch and my 5 year old is an arsehole. lighthearted obviously.

Love this

Similar here, my 1st didn't slept through for years, was like a duracell bunny, never stopped, into everything, 22 now and he's been a bit of a bugger. 2nd, very easy, slept through early on, calm and still the same now at 19, don't have to worry about him, the 22 year old, none stop worry!

My first is hard work due to SEN. We go through ups and downs, currently he's actually pretty wonderful (he's 14). But like all teenagers he definitely has moments, days, weeks of being a total arsehole. He was a pretty easy baby though.

The second has always been easy peasy, very laid back but now she's almost 12 we have seen a bit of attitude! She's always been a great sleeper too.

The third is lovely but highly strung and extremely intelligent and can be demanding, he needs a lot of mental stimulation. He's nearly 8. He was a very difficult baby because he never slept and he fed every 2 hours round the clock for a year.

You've not considered the full range of options. Maybe No2 will be lovely and it'll be 3 who's a nightmare. I mean a second kid is all fine and great until the egg splits in two or like buses, two come along at once....

Well, my youngest is autistic and definitely can be an arsehole.

DC1 was a dream as a baby and toddler but as they've got older they've grown more awkward and hard work. Child is now 13 and is a nightmare to be completely honest. Age5-6 I'd say, is where they seemed to turn.
I love my child unconditionally but I sadly admit I sporned an axxxhole.
DC2 is 1 year younger than above child.
DC2 was also a dream as a baby/toddler and despite moments of not so great behaviour and a little attitude is overall much more pleasant to be around.
Second born is fun loving, kind and considerate.

Both my kids are lovely.

I strongly suspect I'm the arsehole.

As I said at parents’ evening to the teacher who’d taught both of mine, ‘glad I kept on going’.

@BrinksmansEntry

Both my kids are lovely.

I strongly suspect I'm the arsehole.

🤣

Interesting question, my first was a nightmare baby, absolutely horrendous and has always been difficult in absolutely everything. This definitely isn’t just perspective by the way, other people agree

Currently pregnant with second so 🤞 this one is easier

"What puts me off is the amount of people who’ve said that if their second kid had been their first one, they wouldn’t have had another"

I always joke this, in reality I think it would have been a case of waiting longer; I have 18 months gap, and first child slept like a dream from about 4 months, second didn't sleep through until gone 2 and was a strop monster ;-) So if he had come first i don't think I would have got pregnant at 9 months post baby 1!

Mine are in their 20s now and they've both been arseholes from time to time
As have I.
And my husband.

I don't think there's a person alive who's never been an arsehole at some point.

Your child might have been your oldest but she wasn’t the oldest child in the family, she is the youngest which is why she’s a dream. When she becomes a middle child like her elder sister then that’s when the problems with jealousy / behaviour may start.

My first wasn't too bad, second was a nightmare bit I think it was so much harder because his dad is a massive arsehole ( still blame him for my pnd). Third (with the same arsehole man) was much easier, but arsehole man had a different job so wasn't around as much for that one.

My second much easier than my first but both are lovely and very different. I hate this trope that there's a good one and a bad one!