Mums with two kids… Is one, both or neither of them an arsehole?

[HelpMeImAParent]

Good morning mums!

So. Here’s my story. My husband has two daughters from a previous marriage; they are 10 and 7. The eldest is a dream, the youngest is hard work.
My husband and I also have an 11 month old baby girl. I’m at the stage now where I’m thinking about having a second and final baby (though a surrogate sounds appealing because now I know how much that shit hurts).

What puts me off is the amount of people who’ve said that if their second kid had been their first one, they wouldn’t have had another. Or simply that one of their kids is great and the other is a nightmare. Our little girl is amazing… she’s super chilled out, hardly ever cries and she’s a real funny little character. I’m worried that if we have another, they will be a small, incontinent, considerably less pigmented version of Satan and I will spend the rest of my coffee fuelled days wishing that I hadn’t convinced my husband to give me his seed.

Unfortunately without a try before you buy option, I have taken to mumsnet in search of some (hopefully) comforting stories. If it turns out that at least one of the kids is usually an arsehole, I’ll be getting a new plant instead.

I have two children aged 19 and 18.
I always say that if dc1 had been born second we'd have thought she was hard work. We thought she was easy because we had nothing to compare it too and actually she was fine. But she never slept and was stubborn as a mule.
Dc2 was ridiculously easy.
Dc1 carried on being the trickier until about 8 or so (by which I just mean harder work but not really hard work) when she grew into herself somehow and has been easy ever since.
Dc2 has been a slightly trickier teen (mainly due to perceived comparisons with older sibling) but has generally been fine.
So I would say "neither" in our case.

To not too.

Haha my first was and still is the dream child, my second was the absolute fucking devil. After a few years she is my total dream child and we look back and laugh. In the wrong hands she'd have ended up a serial killer I'm sure.

My first was a golden angel child, second a howling demon. Until first turned 14 and now it's the other way round.

Neither. They have their moments, but overall they are amazing.

My 2nd born ds is a knob but he's also funny, cuddly, loving and spends way more time watching tv with me than the eldest ds.

@De88

Haha my first was and still is the dream child, my second was the absolute fucking devil. After a few years she is my total dream child and we look back and laugh. In the wrong hands she'd have ended up a serial killer I'm sure.

Hahahaha yeah exactly the same with my ds too!

Both of mine are great! I'm actually wondering the same as you - would number 3 just be tempting fate?

I have 3 the first was good the second a dream and the 3rd was the devils child 😂 they are grown up now and are great adults.

@Goooglebox

You don't use a surrogate because delivery is painful. They're a last resort when medical interventions haven't worked.

Pretty sure @HelpMeImAParent wasn't being serious 🙄🙄

I have one child so far. I am really hoping he will be the 'difficult' one and the calm placid child will follow 😂 course I love him to pieces but if he is my easiest one then help me God!

Your child is only 11 months OP! Give her time my first was the easiest, most chilled out, content baby. That all changed when he reached about 3. He’s a very highly strung little boy now.

My second, currently a toddler, is a nightmare so I think as they get older they’ll be easier, in the opposite direction of my eldest…surely?!

My second has always been the easier one. My sisters second? Satan in pigtails.

Both of mine were feral beasts as toddlers! I look back now and laugh, but I couldn't leave either alone for a second and if there was silence it meant mischief!

Dd1 is a pretty chilled teenager now (13) despite being very fiesty and an absolute nightmare as toddler/primary aged! She still is very independent but instead of mouthing off to teachers and me she is very vocal about standing up for her friends and her beliefs. So my advice embrace that fight, independence and belief in oneself is an amazing quality to have.

Dd2 (9) is absolutely bonkers. She was a madam as a baby, beastly as a toddler and still very hard work. She is like the duracell bunny she does not stop talking, moving, fidgeting from the minute she gets up until she goes to bed. I thought maybe she might start chilling out but if anything she is more full of beans than ever! She is very funny though and we have a great laugh even if my only moments to myself is when I'm in the toilet! I dont think she is going to get any easier. I will be rocking a full head of white hair by the time she reaches 18 🤣

Both have had their fair share of arsehole moments but so have I! I wouldnt change them for the world though. Definitely sticking at 2 not pushing my luck on a 3rd 🤣

I don’t have two but I’m inclined to think all of them are little assholes in their own special ways.

I have 2, chalk and cheese, both have their adorable moments, both can make me want to sell them to the lowest bidder. Wouldn’t be without either if them.. wish they would bicker a bit less

My first was a hard baby. Not awful as a toddler but very high energy & didn't sleep through the night until she was 3.5 🥴 she’s 5 now & still cannot sit still for love nor money but she’s brilliant, very well behaved at school & out in public. She’s also a very loving & caring big sister.

DD2 was a dream baby. It was like night & day. Loves her sleep, slept through from 8 months. She’s still really easy now aged 2. Getting a bit more temperamental but she’s so chill, loves nothing more than a cuddle on the sofa and plays by herself happily! My parents are constantly commenting how much easier she is on the days they look after her simply due to her much lower energy levels 😂 I have a feeling she might be more trouble as she gets older as she’s very cheeky & smart.. 😄

I have twins. They take it in turns to be arseholes, but during rough periods they’re a pair of arseholes on a mission to break me. They’ve not succeeded yet, but they’re only 4.

All 3 of mine were absolutely wonderful as babies, toddlers & small children. Not criers, good feeders, slept through at 8 weeks, doddle to toilet train... could take them anywhere & not worry about them showing me up.

Fast forward to now & quite frankly I actively avoid taking them anywhere... actually said to a woman who was looking disapproving of my parenting skills in Asda last week they were much better behaved as small children about DD's who are 20 & almost 22

My second is an absolute night mare. He is nearly 7.
my first was also hard work but turned three and changed into a nice child.

"Less pigmented version of Satan" - sorry but what is this sentence?? I sincerely hope you mean because he's sometimes depicted as red.

My eldest was a dream baby and a nightmare toddler. She's 4 and we're currently struggling with bad behaviour.

My youngest was also a dream baby and is a psychopath toddler but she's adorable 😂

Tbh they both can be angels at times and nobs at others. I don't think they can be either forever...it'll just come and go.

My kids are all pretty good... but beware, when we tried for a second we had twins so it was very hard work and the coffee fuelling was very necessary... but none of them are arseholes thankfully 😅

My first is quiet and introverted (never slept much as a baby mind you). My second has Cerebral Palsy. I would never wish her not to be here, goes without saying. She is amazing. But takes a lot of looking after.