Constantly on the go …is this normal?

[Saffrondoormouse]

My dd is 18 months and absolutely amazing but she is ‘on’ full pelt from the moment she wakes up until she sleeps and never sleeps for more than a 3 hour stretch at a time. Usually I can get her back to sleep with a bf but a few times a week she is fully up for the day at 3am all bright eyed and friendly,
I’m more than a bit frazzled.
I’ve been to a few baby groups recently and could not help noticing that she seems much more manic and full on than other toddlers her age and I’m a bit concerned.

At groups:
She refuses to join in circle time singing, preferring instead to return to playing and exploring at these times even if I try to engage in the singing alongside her to try and get her involved.

She will run off and engage in activities by herself for quite some time before checking where I am (I think most toddlers would want to check in to see where I am every few minutes especially in a new environment?)

At home:
She will try to climb up on everything all the time - we have to keep the chairs away from the dining room table as she will constantly climb up even though we tell her ‘no’ and put her down again. To my horror fell off once.

She absolutely hates her high chair to the point she screams if put in it. We have been trying a booster instead but she will only sit and eat nicely for a few minutes before trying to leave the table or climb up on it.

She hates her car seat and will scream on journeys of more than 10 mins or so.

She will try to run off if we are out and hates holding hands so I usually have to keep her in the buggy ir sling unless in traffics safe areas.

When the door opens she will try to slip past us to run out. She also tries the locks constantly if she’s near the hall so I have a safety gate to stop her going into the hall.

She is always looking for opportunities to grab things that she seems to know are contraband like the cats tail, permanent markers, people’s glasses, the loo brush, a night brace I wear for my teeth. These things are out out of her reach most of the time but the second they are not she will swoop in like she has some sort of toddler radar! She also has an amazing sense that enables her to appear whenever you are doing something interesting (to her) but not child friendly - loading the dishwasher with knives, cleaning the loo with bleach, trying to hoover the stairs with the stair gate open etc etc 😂
She wants to investigate absolutely everything!

Developmentally she seems to be fine -she started crawling and walking very early. She’s ok on language she has maybe 25 words total and is learning maybe one or two new words a week alongside babbling. She has two naps a day both for around 90 mins.
She eats well albeit not at the table for long and seems generally cheery …

Am I crazy for worrying? We do have autism in the family and I think some of these behaviours might tick some of the boxes?

I'm no expert at all. I'll just say that my autistic sister (aspergers, specifically) was a lot like this when she was small. Very spritely but not interested in playing with other children, and bolting out the door at every opportunity.

My DD was like this. She’s now 21 months and calmed down a lot, still a live wire but a bit calmer and interacting with other kids now.

As for the sleep, 2 90 minute naps at this age is quite a lot which is probably contributing to the night wakings.

Both of mine are very busy children and seemingly constantly on the move. DC1 wouldn't engage with any sort of quiet/story times at groups until about 2, preferring instead to run laps of the church hall. He'll do good focused play now but then often ends up bouncing on the bed for a bit! DC2 heard that climbing was part of the Olympics and is already in training at 15mo.

Agree with PP that it seems like a fair bit of day time sleep for that age - most drop to one nap around 1yo ish. That's probably why she's up at 3am.

I agree with the other poster, that's a lot of daytime sleep. My daughter was like this at that age but just had an hour nap in the middle of the day and slept well at night.

My 18 month old is similar but generally sleeps through the night, she only has one nap of an hour or so in the middle of the day. The constant busyness, exploring, climbing though - all sounds very familiar to me! No idea if it’s autism linked but there seems to be a huge span of behaviour at this age based on what I’ve seen at her nursery, so I’m not unduly concerned at the moment.

My DD was like this, except she had dropped all naps by 17 months. She also had a speech development disorder which took a lot of expensive speech therapy to overcome. She's almost 8 now, still a crap sleeper tbh, does loads of activities - swimming, music, singing class, ballet tap and modern dance, acting class - does really well at school and is lively, sociable, polite and kind. 18 months is much too early to form any judgements. Your child may be autistic, but may also just be incredibly high energy. Only time will tell.

The behaviour doesn't sound very normal (I have a 17 month old) but she's still very young and if she's hitting all her developmental milestones, it's unlikely that HCPs will be concerned at this stage. It is worth discussing with HV though and saying that there is autism in the family.

I agree with PPs that 2 x 90 min naps is way too much daytime sleep for her age. Do just 1 nap (max 2 hours) and hopefully you won't get (m)any 3am starts.

@AmbushedByCake without wanting to disrupt the thread does your Daughter speak well now? I have a non verbal almost 5 year old. Since he started speech therapy he's got a few words but I'm so worried for him.

My DS isn’t a climber thank god, but he is busy and bothering engaging with something from the moment he wakes up until bedtime. Everything else sounds pretty familiar. He doesn’t stop at toddler group and it’s 50:50 if he’ll join in with singing at the end. Most of the little toddlers are the same to be honest. A lot of my friends DC are a lot more physically on it and a fair few scream in the high chair to.

Agree with others. 3h is loads of day sleep, especially across 2 naps. 90 minutes in the middle of the day is all I give DS and he sleeps through 11+ hours overnight.

Ds is 21 months. He is the same, constantly on the go and trying to climb and escape. He had calmed down a fraction the last few weeks.
He only naps once a day for around 60-90mins. Some days no nap.

WRT to some of your specific points, car journeys have become so much easier since we bought a little phone holder that is mounted on the seat behind him - he’ll happily watch CBeebies in the car now for up to 30 mins. Previously he too would scream anything more than 10 or so minutes.

He is a devil for not holding my hand so we have recently started using reins if we have the luxury of time to walk somewhere. He doesn’t mind them thankfully (I think he’s figured it means he doesn’t have to go in the buggy). I know a lot of folk judge, but I’d rather be judged then have a squashed toddler child quite frankly.

It's really difficult to say as on paper a lot of those are just normal toddler behaviour but also could be part of a bigger picture further down the line. Some toddlers are just very high energy or uncontrollable; sometimes that's indicative of something else and sometimes it's just their temperament.

If she's hitting milestones and otherwise developing well then I wouldn't be unduly worried at this point.

All sounds pretty normal to me, except for the getting up at 3am for the day. If you can try and get a better daytime and nighttime routine with a bit less time napping that may help. All of the active behaviour and being too busy exploring to take part in song circles etc sounds exactly like my son at the same age. He's 4 now and a delight, really calmed down when he could sit for longer and hold a conversation.

Both my kids were like this, now 5&3 and still like it!!! It’s bloody exhausting but they are so cheeky and loveable, but tiring. Doing well at school and nursery as well but busy busy busy bees

My little boy was exactly like this (apart from the sleeping). He is just over 2.5 years now and I would say has calmed down a bit but is still a hyper boy. Developmentally he is well above his age (speaks as well as a five year old), has plenty of character (as people tell me). We also have good days and bad days. Bad days he refuses to listen to me and is destructive too, sometimes with unkind hands. On the good days he is amazing.

We also have autism in the family. Im not sure if he does have it or not. But I do worry.

@NameChange30

The behaviour doesn't sound very normal (I have a 17 month old) but she's still very young and if she's hitting all her developmental milestones, it's unlikely that HCPs will be concerned at this stage. It is worth discussing with HV though and saying that there is autism in the family.

I agree with PPs that 2 x 90 min naps is way too much daytime sleep for her age. Do just 1 nap (max 2 hours) and hopefully you won't get (m)any 3am starts.

What part of her behaviour doesn't sound normal to you? OP my 19 month old is similar but she sleeps better coz she's always shattered. If your wee one is having 3 hours sleep during the day, there can't be much time to get her exercise outside to run off some of her energy. We're normally up between 6 and 7 and then out of the house for about 9 to activities, playgrounds etc. Lunch at 12, nap at 1 for 1.5 - 2 hours then out to another playground. Then dinner at 5.30-6 then bath and bed.

Sounds normal to me. You're comparing to the "easy" ones my friends had who were fine in a high chair being ignored while they had a spoon. Mine were never like that.

There's a massive development leap at 2.75 years - should calm down then

My lo is a busy bee and still is at nearly 3. He has never been interested in baby groups where he just preferred running around exploring. It has calmed down significantly after 2 years 7 months where he sits down now and understands where we are going when being buckled in his car seat. We haven't used the high chair since he turned 2.5 and now just sits with us on the dining table chair until he is full and just wonders off to play with his toys. The iPad has been a lifesaver though which I use during dinner and car journeys. I don't think it's asd although he is a little behind in speech but there is so many other areas which clearly shows he is nt. I think it's very normal unless you are surrounded by compliant, content toddlers and think there is something wrong with yours. I also agree it's a lot of napping for your little one and need to cut down to one nap.

My DD is only 15 months but is a lot like this - the high chair refusal, the running, the climbing (and falling), the curiosity, the contraband, the glasses, the toilet brush...! I get the impression there’s a huge span of behaviour at this age and our kids are just busy! Better than boring... Please don’t worry. I quite enjoy the rebelliousness...!

@SMBC2020

These things do seem on the more unusual side to me - all normal to some extent but they seem on the extreme end in my (unqualified) opinion.

As I said she's still young so it's too early to tell IMO.

"She absolutely hates her high chair to the point she screams if put in it. We have been trying a booster instead but she will only sit and eat nicely for a few minutes before trying to leave the table or climb up on it.

She hates her car seat and will scream on journeys of more than 10 mins or so.

She will try to run off if we are out and hates holding hands so I usually have to keep her in the buggy ir sling unless in traffics safe areas.

When the door opens she will try to slip past us to run out. She also tries the locks constantly if she’s near the hall so I have a safety gate to stop her going into the hall."

Sorry for not responding earlier - full on day today! Thank you everyone for all your replies. Lots of great food for thought here. I agree totally that she should be on one nap a day by now but when we try to introduce this it doesn’t go so well. What tends to happen is she gets quite whiny and tired in the afternoon around 5 so getting her to a 6.30 or 7pm becomes is a real struggle. If she goes to bed at 7pm w/o second nap she is very overtired and takes ages to go down. What we have been doing is letting her have a 90 minute nap at 5 then she goes to bed at 10pm. Tbh the 3am wakings have happened in both scenarios the 7pm and 10pm bedtime. I’m wondering if something external is waking get up (foxes or a noisy car and then she’s wide awake?)!

Whyyy would you let her nap at 5?

If she needs a day sleep, an hour around midday is plenty. She needs to be tired for bed.

Try having her ready to go down at 6.30pm so she's not over tired.

"What we have been doing is letting her have a 90 minute nap at 5 then she goes to bed at 10pm."

This is insane.

If she's tired by 5, put her to bed at 6. The early night will do her good.

Eventually you should be able to get her into a more standard bedtime (6.30-7ish) and wake time (I always think it's a win if my DD sleeps until 6.30, others may differ) with a nap at a fixed time (my DD goes down around 1pm) but until you've ironed that out, she's going to be overtired and need some earlier nights.

10pm bedtime 😱

What time is her first nap btw?

A 90-min nap at 5pm? Madness! In all seriousness, could she not have a full nap earlier and then, if she really needs it, a short nap in the afternoon to take the edge off?

Not wanting to sound judgey at all as all children are different but I suspect the nap routine is contributing to the dodgy night sleep x