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Parenting

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Original poster

Little boy not invited to play

76 replies

Mummy1234567891234 · 31/01/2022 09:43

My little boy had a play date after school a couple of weeks ago at his friends house and another boy from school went also.
When I picked him up she said he had been cheeky and she had told him off which I was fine with. They need to learn. She then said that it was her son’s birthday and that she would take some of them to a play centre.
My little boy mentioned how they had gone at the weekend and obviously he hadn’t been invited but a group of them had gone. I feel heart broken for him, we did say to him that if he was cheeky and rude that get invited again. He is only 5 I just feel it’s a bit harsh.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Hungry625f · 31/01/2022 09:47

How bad was he? Either his behaviour is worse than you thought, or she is slightly crackers and you're well off out of it.

Original poster

Mummy1234567891234 · 31/01/2022 10:01

All she said was he was cheeky - or she’s over reacted.

OP posts:

changeling86 · 31/01/2022 10:03

Hmm. I think I'd ask what exactly he did.

Does she mean he was rude to her? Or badly behaved?

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Original poster

Mummy1234567891234 · 31/01/2022 10:04

Rude

OP posts:

cdba88 · 31/01/2022 10:07

It's a shame for him I agree, but I don't blame the parents. They're probably thinking they don't want their kids spending more time with him as they may end up copying his behaviour.

He may only be 5, but do you remember being 5? I wouldn't have dreamed of being cheeky/rude at someone else's house at that age. Unless he has SEN he should know better.

Maybe a lesson learned for him? It's a natural consequence and will maybe make him think again at the next play date he goes on. Think of it as a learning experience.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 31/01/2022 10:08

Hmm. I would say your son was most likely not just cheeky but downright rude. It's very unusual for a hosting mum to have to tell you they've reprimanded your child if they've just been cheeky or overexcited. More likely he was quite badly behaved.

She didn't feel like she wanted your son at her son's party. Perhaps your son's previous behaviour is one she doesn't want around her child.

Anyway an early lesson for your DS about polite behaviour in other peoples homes. Also you have to get used to kids not being included in every party. It sucks. You feel awful for your child. But it's a lesson they all have to learn at some point.

Seeline · 31/01/2022 10:08

If it was a play centre party, it's quite common for a smaller group to be invited - they can be quite expensive.

In that sort of set up I would only invite those I knew would behave properly and not cause me any problems. If a kid is so rude that you actually have to mention to the mother after a play date, I would be reluctant to ask them along to a venue with other children who weren't my own. Parties are enough stress as it is.

Inspectorslack · 31/01/2022 10:11

If I’d had a child at my house and they were rude I’d possibly not invite them to a birthday.

You need to find out what he said and did.

Youngstreet · 31/01/2022 10:19

It's tricky.
If my exsil had said my dc were cheeky I would have ignored her because she was like
Miss Trunchball.
Different parents have different standards.
You may be raising your ds with an enquiring mind or perhaps he was cheeky.
My dd had a schoolfriend who was normally quiet but would be hyper if she slept over, this was because her dm was so strict at home.
I did once tell her to please go to sleep at 4am. I still invited her though.

If he's normally polite I wouldn't worry, he'll find his tribe.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 31/01/2022 10:24

If one of DS's friends were rude to me I wouldn't invite them again, because why would I choose to engage with that? Some of DS's friends are unofficially barred from my house for not listening when I tell them to do something or stop doing something. If they give me a headache they are out.

Having said that, I wouldn't tell them about a party and then not invite them.

Etsylicious · 31/01/2022 10:26

5 is still really young. She could have given him another chance.

But then I am very laid back about this kind of thing.

BeMoreGoldfish · 31/01/2022 10:28

I’m pretty intolerant of bad behaviour from my kids’ friends. Children don’t learn consequences for bad behaviour unless there are consequences. Maybe it’s a lesson learned 🤷‍♀️.

canigooutyet · 31/01/2022 10:32

Due to my own dc's sen when it came to parties I was very selective. They would easily pick up and copy "bad" behaviour and it was a nightmare not only on the day but for several weeks afterwards. The tears, tantrums and aggressive behaviour just weren't worth it.

If the first visit and they were rude etc, future plays would be in the park if at all, to see if a one off episode.

The rare times I have told parents about behaviour I have given examples of why.

Original poster

Mummy1234567891234 · 31/01/2022 10:35

If she was concerned about him misbehaving at the play centre I would have offered to go so he could join them.

OP posts:

hellywelly3 · 31/01/2022 10:36

Maybe the birthday child didn’t want him there if he’d not been very nice when he’d been to play.

Original poster

Mummy1234567891234 · 31/01/2022 10:38

They were all very hyper - they always are when they get together. She said she had asked them to tidy up and he had said my mummy tidied up at home.
Maybe I should start to get him to tidy his pots away after dinner. The other thing is she only has one, I have two which can be challenging and sometimes it’s just easy to do it yourself.

OP posts:

Pleaseuniverseplease · 31/01/2022 10:43

She was rude mentioning the play centre outing when she'd already decided not to invite your ds!
She shouldn't have mentioned anything.

Seeline · 31/01/2022 10:43

Had he been to the boy's house before?

NerrSnerr · 31/01/2022 10:43

Maybe the birthday boy didn't want him there?

What is he like at school? Is he well behaved?

Original poster

Mummy1234567891234 · 31/01/2022 10:49

No they have only been at the school together since September

OP posts:

ThanksIGotItInMorrisons · 31/01/2022 10:51

Perhaps the birthday child didn’t want to invite him? I wouldn’t generally go against my child’s wishes about THEIR birthday party. ( although I’m certain that there would perhaps be some exceptions to this)

SmolCat · 31/01/2022 10:53

Yes definitely get him tidying up at home.

They’re allowed not to invite him. The only thing she’s done wrong here is mention the party in front of him. But then he would have found out at school anyway.

ChocolateMassacre · 31/01/2022 10:54

@Pleaseuniverseplease

She was rude mentioning the play centre outing when she'd already decided not to invite your ds! She shouldn't have mentioned anything.

This. Not acceptable to do this to a 5yo. Really rude, poor behaviour from her.

If you're not inviting someone to a party, you don't mention it in front of them. Especially a child.

And it doesn't sound like your son was that cheeky. It sounds like she went off at the deep end a bit. If a child says something like that to me, I smile and say firmly, "Well, in this house we all help to tidy up". They're overexcited, in a strange house and kids often come out with things that sound rude but often weren't meant in that way. Unless they're being deliberately defiant, I find that it's best to gently correct them and give the benefit of the doubt. Of course, if they're running around drawing on the walls and repeatedly disobeying, that's another thing.

RockerTheQuokka · 31/01/2022 10:54

Your school-aged child should be learning to tidy up after himself even though he has a sibling.

There could be multiple reasons why he wasn't invited; behaviour, cost, friendship changes...

Bumpsadaisie · 31/01/2022 10:56

It is possible that this woman is bonkers or has ridiculously high standards.

But I would say that in general a child would have to behave pretty awfully for a mum to mention it. Most mums when faced with a cheeky little guest will simply correct the behaviour and not mention it further - and if very bad resolve privately not to invite that child again ...

Is it possible that your boy is in fact quite a handful?

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