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Original poster

Little boy not invited to play

76 replies

Mummy1234567891234 · 31/01/2022 09:43

My little boy had a play date after school a couple of weeks ago at his friends house and another boy from school went also.
When I picked him up she said he had been cheeky and she had told him off which I was fine with. They need to learn. She then said that it was her son’s birthday and that she would take some of them to a play centre.
My little boy mentioned how they had gone at the weekend and obviously he hadn’t been invited but a group of them had gone. I feel heart broken for him, we did say to him that if he was cheeky and rude that get invited again. He is only 5 I just feel it’s a bit harsh.

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Bumpsadaisie · 31/01/2022 10:56

Ah should have rtft.

She does sound a bit bonkers.

HoneyFlowers · 31/01/2022 10:57

One thing I've learnt is that parents have such different views and levels of parenting. We have one set of parents who refuse their child to play with mine (he's nearly 10) all because when they had a playdate at 18 months old, my son used the slide one more time than their son in the playpark and from their point of view, it was unfair to their son and I shouldn't have allowed my son to use it. They were 18 months and I didn't realise this was a 'rule'.

You'll never going to get on/agree with all parents. Just write them off and move on.

Teaforme123 · 31/01/2022 11:01

I think that was really mean of her to mention it in front of him and then not invite him. For goodness sake he's 5, he's allowed to be a bit cheeky! Unless he was refusing to help tidy up which she should have mentioned. Bring it up with her say' when is the party again' or something like that see what she says. Although kids won't be invited to everything though so it's a good lesson in resilience.

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inheritancetrack · 31/01/2022 11:02

I think your parenting styles are different and she wants her child to do as he's told if it's a reasonable request. If your child refuses to tidy up and is cheeky, the other mum is perfectly reasonable not to want all the hard work she puts in, undermined by your child's attitude.

If you want to bring up a child who is rude and cheeky to other parents then that's your prerogative but don't expect other mums to endorse it.

Pamlar · 31/01/2022 11:06

I would have talk to him about how to behave at other people's houses.
It could very well be that she's over reacting or very strict. Or it could be that he was quite rude and difficult.
It was definitely not nice of her to mention an outing and then not invite him.
Either way it won't harm to talk to him about being polite etc.
I had lots of rude kids as playdates and laughed most of them off. The only one I ever brought up was when a kid was using sexual gestures that were totally inappropriate and worrying. I have never had the kid back despite the mother and the kid apologising... my son was thoroughly put off the child and I was too.
My point is if she brought it up, perhaps he was very badly behaved.
It may be worth asking her what he actually did. So you can address it if it's a big no no or step back from friendship if it's just her being very strict.

Cuck00soup · 31/01/2022 11:14

She said she had asked them to tidy up and he had said my mummy tidied up at home.

Unfortunately, I suspect this is it. If I'd asked a child to tidy up and they'd refused I wouldn't invite them back.

I think I'd explain to your child that when he is a guest and someone asks him to do something it is good manners to do it, even if he doesn't agree.

You also might want to rein in the my mummy does that for me, for your own benefit.

Marcipex · 31/01/2022 11:14

Play centre parties are limited on numbers, so many of class probably didn’t go.

We’ve had children to tea/parties who were never invited again.
A girl aged about 9, who pulled a winning girls hair. Plenty of nicer girls to invite.

A new boy at school, invited just because he was new and knew no one. Omg I have never heard such rudeness (condescending put downs, not swearing) that flowed from him for three long hours. Never again.

So that’s the thing, you see, why bother, just invite the nicer kids if numbers are limited.

It’s up to you to teach him manners, not the other mums.

Saucery · 31/01/2022 11:20

She’s got a low bar for ‘cheek’ if that’s all he said. One of DS’s friends once said similar to me so I cheerfully informed him that in my house he followed my rules. His Mum cringed when I told her (plus, it wasn’t exactly true, apparently). He grew up into a nice young man.
Mean of her to leave him out, but then some people can’t handle it when dc don’t jump to their first instruction.

BreasticlesNotTesticles · 31/01/2022 11:33

@Cuck00soup

She said she had asked them to tidy up and he had said my mummy tidied up at home.

Unfortunately, I suspect this is it. If I'd asked a child to tidy up and they'd refused I wouldn't invite them back.

I think I'd explain to your child that when he is a guest and someone asks him to do something it is good manners to do it, even if he doesn't agree.

You also might want to rein in the my mummy does that for me, for your own benefit.

At aged 5?!!!!

Complete over reaction on her part if this was the reason and not cheeky at 5 - just stating what happens at his home.

Now he knows different rules apply at different homes.

tintodeverano2 · 31/01/2022 11:51

I've been in the situation whereby I have "uninvited" kids from a party after seeing their behaviour at my house. I'm not particularly strict (or bonkers, as some of you lot have said) but have had a couple of little monsters visit, that quite frankly I would be embarrassed to take them out anywhere. Also, if someone is naughty or rude when they visit, the child whose party it is may have said they've chan their mind about inviting them.

Hoppinggreen · 31/01/2022 11:55

If I actually told another parent their child had been “cheeky” chances are I was being diplomatic and they had been a bloody nightmare .
What she shouldn’t have done was mention an outing your son wasn’t invited to in front of him if that’s what happened (it’s a bit unclear)

strawberrrycheeesecake · 31/01/2022 12:00

At 5 I would let it go.

I had an 8 year old on a play date who took over the house, made both my kids cry and went rummaging in my bedroom.

She was not invited to anything again.

Cuck00soup · 31/01/2022 12:00

Breadticles I think it's likely that cheeky is code for total nightmare though. As PP have said, If a child is badly behaved enough that it is mentioned to parents, it's probably quite bad.

We all know 5 year olds can be silly when they're excited, I think this is more than this. Especially if they are refusing to tidy up the mess they have made.

Embracelife · 31/01/2022 12:03

Change friends
Change play dates
Choose different play dates wth different families to find one on your wave length where you both accept each others kids

Sausagesausagesausage · 31/01/2022 12:04

Agree with PP - I think "cheeky" is being polite. Maybe invites were already sorted and he wasn't in the list of names given last month when she was sorting it out? Maybe they could only afford to take 5 children (or whatever number)

I didn't know having two children meant they couldn't tidy up though, I'll tell my eldest he'll be delighted.

ChocolateMassacre · 31/01/2022 12:07

@Embracelife

Change friends Change play dates Choose different play dates wth different families to find one on your wave length where you both accept each others kids

I think this is good advice. Young children will have their moments, and sometimes there will be naughtiness and meltdowns. Don't send your child somewhere where the parents can't cope with this and are spiteful in return.

ringoutthebells · 31/01/2022 12:19

@Saucery

She’s got a low bar for ‘cheek’ if that’s all he said. One of DS’s friends once said similar to me so I cheerfully informed him that in my house he followed my rules. His Mum cringed when I told her (plus, it wasn’t exactly true, apparently). He grew up into a nice young man. Mean of her to leave him out, but then some people can’t handle it when dc don’t jump to their first instruction.

Completely agree. What an overreaction, I wouldn't have batted an eyelid!

Palmfrond · 31/01/2022 12:21

Yeah it’s depressing how adult parents can’t deal with even minor “behaviours” from their kids’ friends.
If this mother controls her kid’s friendship group in this way, how is the kid going to know how to deal with people who are different to themself? Or that there are other ways of being, good, bad or indifferent? And how is she going to do this when the kid is 15? 18? Or when they go to university or leave home and learn that being a prim, sanctimonious twat isn’t generally considered a desirable trait?
I’m being a bit hyperbolic here, but hopefully you get my point.

ringoutthebells · 31/01/2022 12:24

Also, whilst I get dd to help out / tidy her room etc, I have never asked visiting children near the age of 5 to tidy up, nor have I ever noted dd being asked to do so at others' houses. I mean I wouldn't mind if she was, but it's pretty hopeful when they're aged 5 and all over excited to be at each other's houses, exp if it was after school.

Thinking2041 · 31/01/2022 12:27

I wouldn’t bat an eye lid if a kids said that to me in my house.. There must be more
To It. Or she is totally OTT

Thinking2041 · 31/01/2022 12:28

And don’t get me wrong, I’m strict with my children etc. But kids can’t behave perfectly all the time. They sometimes will have meltdowns, say ‘rude’ thing/ etc. It just depends how often it happens

megladon2020 · 31/01/2022 12:34

If I felt the need to report to a parent on their child's behaviour then for me of would have been significant- but then I think I'm quite tolerant and work with kids so not much fazes me. Whilst it's not nice to be invited (I think most children experience this at least once), I'd use this as a teaching point about manners etc, and then move on. It may not have been personal and could've been about numbers etc.

Doomscrolling · 31/01/2022 12:41

So to check I followed correctly:
2 weeks ago your son was “cheeky” at a play date and was reprimanded. The mother told you about it, and also mentioned there was a soft play birthday planned in the next few weeks.

Then today your son discovered the party happened this weekend and he hadn’t been invited.

She was tactless to mention it. She obviously expected to be inviting him but when push came to shove either her son didn’t want him there or she decided he was too much trouble, or it was a money/spaces thing. Those vague “we’ll do a party” mentions can bite you in the ass if you mention it to someone you ultimately don’t invite for whatever reason.

Ultimately she was tactless and you and she don’t have compatible parenting styles.

Smileatthesmallthings · 31/01/2022 13:01

My 5year old's best friend did something my DS didn't like at a playdate at ours, so when it came to the next party he didn't want to invite him incase he did it again. I talked him round as it's his bestie, but it could be the case that the child decided?

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 31/01/2022 14:35

Hang on, why are you assuming the outing has anything to do with the play date?

If this was me, it would be a case of I had to tell your son off but so long as he wasn’t an actual pain in the arse that would be the end of it. However if we were going out for a birthday treat and only a few kids were allowed and you’re son wasn’t chosen by my child then unfortunately that’s life, I can’t cater to the hurt feelings of a child by inviting all of them.

I think you’re overthinking by an enormous degree. He wasn’t invited because there were limited spots available. Or the kids aren’t friends anymore. I bet this mum would be totally baffled if she read this thread at the insinuations she is ‘punishing’ your child (for a second time!) by not inviting him.

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