I can't do this

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

I just can't do this anymore.

Day 7 of isolation. DS is 3 and he and I are positive. DD is 15 months.

I'm broken. Parenting has broken me and I'm fairly sure I'm doing it all wrong.

• we have a routine, always have had. But it takes so much work. Trying to get DS to get upstairs to get dressed is a battle everyday. Getting dressed can mean running away, going totally floppy, just being obstructive. I must say 'trousers on please' 15 times. I tried taking their clothes downstairs but DS had a total meltdown.

They cannot play with anything. If he wants to do a puzzle she wants to destroy it. If he wants a toy of hers he will badger her til she leaves it. He wants to draw, she breaks the felt tips. It's relentless. If we play something for 5 minutes- that's not an exaggeration- it's a win.

Every dinner time is cajoling him to eat, stopping him from being generally stupid. A good 80% of the time he knocks over a drink.

He's constantly trying to hurt her or pick stuff up he's not allowed or throw stuff out of the window. He won't just "be'.

She hates getting dressed, having her coat put on, having her nappy changed. Everything is a battle.

I'm so fundamentally broken. I clean scrambled egg off the floor every day of my life.

I'm broken.

How are you dividing things between you and your DH? Don't try to be responsible for what happens when the kids are in his care. He needs to think for himself whether DD needs a coat etc.

If you have a routine of when snacks are (we have three meals a day, two snacks roughly midway between) then everyone knows the deal.

You will fry your brain trying to make sure DH does everything you would do, and probably piss him off in the process. If he's in charge of the kids, he's in charge. If he makes mistakes, he sorts them out. I say this from experience! DH and I sometimes message each other on our phones to cut through the noise.

It won't be an overnight thing, but if you can say 'hold on a minute, I'm talking' to DS over time he will learn not to interrupt. Then praise him when he waits.

We also find it helps if DH and I thank each other even for minor things eg thanks for sorting the washing/doing the dishwasher so it's not such an invisible, thankless task. And have a chat sometimes at the end of the day to discuss things that have been annoying, ways you could make it better, stuff that was good etc.

I found the book No Bad Kids by Janet Lansbury quite helpful when I was figuring this stuff out, here is her basic thing: www.janetlansbury.com/2010/04/no-bad-kids-toddler-discipline-without-shame-9-guidelines/ I don't follow it 100% but it helps to think through the main issues.

I feel you, you are not alone. I have a 3.5 year old DD and a 2 year old DS and boy is it hard. My son is going through thee most horrendous tantrums I mean full blown 60min screaming kicking phase. My DD bless her just wants to play he wants to throw her things. If she's eating he wants what she has is a constant battle in our house and my husband has just started a new job so he's busy from 9 till 6. I'm also a full time student and I am totally exhausted with the full thing.