Toddler Behaviour

[Fawn68]

Hi just wanting to know if I am alone in this or if anyone has any advice?

I have a soon to be 3 year old who's behaviour I am struggling with on a daily basis. His tantrums just seem to be never ending. He constantly hits me and throws anything in site. And whinging all day. I also have a 3 month old so I am finding it hard to give him the attention he needs also.

I feel like he is unhappy more than he is happy.

Is this something normal and that will pass? Or do I need to speak to someone about this?

Stock to the boundaries
It you say no he can’t have x.. don’t give in
If bed is at 7 stick to 7 no matter how much he tries your patience
My dc’s went through this, there is light at the end of the tunnel
He may be feeling a little left out as well so if poss bedtime book just him and you

Hopefully this will pass. My son is 2 and he has just started this. I'm left wondering is this even normal he can scream for up to an hour straight. Its so stressful even something as showing him the wrong food for lunch sets him off.

My DD is 2 and 7 months and she is horrible. I love her dearly and would do everything for her; but I don’t much like her.
She screams the moment you say no, throws what she’s holding and refuses to do as I ask. She only wants to eat chocolate and won’t go to bed for a nap even when she’s knackered.
This period is awful. But I think it gets better….

Mine is 3.5 and the same - I also have a 3 month old, I'm sure her behaviour is connected to the baby. It's been particularly awful since around Xmas - I think the novelty of the baby started wearing off round then, plus all the lack of routine around Xmas and exhaustion and excitement too. She remains terrible!! I don't have advice, just solidarity! Today some of the things she did include - took her to usual church playgroup, her friend wasn't there so she spent the whole 1.5hrs whinging and crying at me; messing about by a busy road and refusing to hold my hand meaning I had to hold her firmly by the wrist access a succession of traffic light areas whilst she screamed and struggled away from me the whole time (whilst I also had to hold the pram with the other hand), wet herself twice (she's been toilet trained for a year and a half ..), had a succession of screaming meltdowns which lasted about an hour because I couldn't come to the toilet with her as I was busy with the baby (she is perfectly capable of going herself) which culminated in her hitting me and trying to knock things out of my hands...I really dunno what to do with her. :(

My toddler (2.5yrs) is the same and I have a nearly 3 month old.

I really disliked her today and I feel awful for feeling that way. I love her dearly but her behaviour is so out of control I don't know what to do.

I'm also loosing my cool with her all too often. It makes me so sad that our days are a battle. I don't enjoy being a mum at all anymore.

Sounds like a mixture of toddler behaviour and adjusting to have a new baby.

@UKmumtobe I totally get you my son has had the worst afternoon/evening he had a meltdown at 3 lasted till 4 then he kicked off at 5.30 because I wouldn't assist him in dragging the dogs bed down a his slide. He finally went to sleep at 7.30. I am not looking forward to tomorrow. It seems no matter how gently I say "Oh we can't do that" it's the worst thing ever.

@SecondhandTable this sounds like my scenario exactly! It's really beginning to absolutely drain every ounce of energy I have. I feel miserable!

It seems that it is normal then by the sounds of it. Everyday from he wakes up until bedtime is just a constant battle. He is at playgroup now and I was hoping once it started things would get easier but they really aren't at all.

@Fawn68 you're not alone. Isn't it hard.

I felt so lost tonight after I put toddler to bed. I just don't know how to fix the situation at all. I'm dreading tomorrow as I don't know what to do with the kids. One of them always gets neglected and either way the toddler just behaves atrociously.

I'd be having a stiff drink right now if it weren't for the fact I'm breastfeeding and likely to be woken up at least 3 times tonight.

@UKmumtobe I honestly don't know how many tears I have shed this week over this. I am feeling mentally exhausted. This morning in the space of 10 mins I had to use timeout 4 times as he was punching me and slamming doors. I love him with all my heart but I really am struggling with this stage. Yes that's like me, I am going to bed dreading tomorrow 😞

Ha! I am with you on the drink but I too am breastfeeding.

@UKmumtobe @Fawn68 I know it's really difficult. Sometimes I think its maybe goo much screen time, maybe go out more but even at the park he throws himself on the floor when something doesn't suit. Right now his issues are with the fridge he goes up to it and slaps it with his hands crying but everything I show him seems to offend him.

Really feel like I've found my people with you lot!! Definitely relate to the stiff drink-but-breastfeeding-loads-of-times-a-night dilemma too! Maybe we can use this thread for support? Like you all I spend all evening once she's in bed fretting about it all and then feel anxious when the day begins. I only have them both together 3 days a week though at least hah. She goes to nursery 2 days and then DH is around the weekends. We usually go to a different church playgroup on Friday mornings (we go to a lot of them haha) but weather forecast is dodgey and it's about a 25/30 min walk even if I push them both the whole way so can't really take her if she's going to get soaked on the way there...

Does anyone else also have relatives that say pointless shite about their behaviour? So my DM is generally such a massive help with DD, we were at hers all yesterday PM really and she basically took over looking after DD that time. So we are so lucky. But she still says stupid shite like "oh you all just walked nicely by the side of the pram" (there's 3 of us with 2 year age gaps) " oh you always had to go the toilet yourself from being 2 because I had your brother to look after then" er yeah ok I also have DD's brother to look after but that doesnt solve the problem of her just refusing to go the toilet alone and laying on the floor and pissing all over the carpet instead does it?!

Nothing to add other than I’m in the same boat too! Nearly 2yr old and a 3m old. I start my day counting down to bed time at the moment. I just feel so bad for him in a way too though. I see my friends who still only have one nicely behaved child and think I’ve deprived him of our nice time together.

@SecondhandTable I am sure you appreciate the time when you don't have both, just so you can get a Breather. Thankfully none of my family members pass comment on it, they just reassure me that it will get better 🙈

I had the HV here this morning to check on the baby, so I got some advice. She said to keep being consistent with timeout and within a month I should start seeing a change. She said his world has been turned upside down because he was so used to having me all to himself, so he will do anything at all for constant attention even if for bad behaviour. She also empathised the importance of praise when there is positive behaviour!

We actually have had a good day today (a one off I know) but I put baby down and we made a smoothie together and he was so delighted to be properly involved!

I would still love that stiff drink though 😂

@Fawn68 I could have written your post word for word a month ago. 3yo ds, 4 month dd. His behaviour was atrocious from about 2 weeks after baby arrived. Hitting, spitting, refusing to stay in bed, arguing over everything, aggressive to baby. It was awful. I was shouting and stressed all the time and got seriously miserable.

However, it’s got better now. If it helps, things that worked:
His self esteem had taken a big knock so loads and loads of praise.
Not reacting to naughty behaviour or simply saying ‘we don’t do that’ calmly and removing him from the situation.
Trying to do 1-1 things with him. Baby can now go a couple of hours between feeds, so dh can watch her and I take ds swimming.
Stay involved in bedtimes - this was a huge mistake I made.
Know that it will get better. He now loves his baby sister and hugs her a lot. It’s been a huge change but he’s coming out the other side.
Something that also helped was reminding myself that he was capable of being very naughty before she came along. It’s a phase. Repeat that to yourself all the time.

@Hobnob2022 great to read positive stories, could to know there is light at the end of the tunnel! Thanks for all of your advice. I've started to do bed time and a story as past 2 nights so will keep this going, also i have planned 1-1 twice a week and my mum is going to look after the baby for a few hours.

Glad it's not just me going through this...

Good tips @Hobnob2022 -
I'm really trying to stay calm when toddler misbehaves but it gets to the point where I hit the roof as she just keeps on going ON and ON despite me saying "stop" or "please don't do that". And to be honest her behaviour can sometimes, quite frankly be dangerous - either to her or her baby brother. Especially if I happen to be breastfeeding.

Yesterday I had the worst day I have ever had and I regretted having children entirely....

I at least miss my days with one child. Everything was going so well and I felt like my "new" old self but baby number 2 has just changed everything completely and I have lost my identity all over again. All I am is a person who looks after 2 children 24/7... When does it get easier?!

Glad you had a better day @Fawn68 xx

@UKmumtobe I’m sorry you are struggling and I can relate to everything you’ve said. I really missed being a mum to one - that feeling of basically having everything pretty much sorted and having got myself back. Having a new baby wasn’t going back to square one, it was going back to square minus one hundred!
Your toddler WILL come out of the other side, sooner than you think though the days do feel long now. Feeding was (and still can be) a real flashpoint because from their perspective the baby is getting a nice cuddle which they’re not able to be part of. I find putting something ds likes on tv when feeding works and talking to him about the programme. Once baby’s latched on I can still give ds lots of attention.
Other tips…something I got from here is just to go out. Playground, shops, anything really.
Also baby’s only really need to be warm, clean and fed. Once that’s achieved they can just be put in a sling or pram and dragged along with whatever the older sibling is doing. I felt a bit guilty about it at first, but I don’t think the baby minds at all.
Your dd will come around - I found about 14 weeks was a huge turning point.

Also even though I try to be calm I have got angry whenever he’s been aggressive towards the baby. I think sometimes you need to show that somethings are totally unacceptable.

Luckily DD has never really shown any issue with her baby brother (yet...). Takes the frustration out on me and her dad instead but obviously that's preferable I suppose. Yesterday was a better day than the day before, thank God. I agree that getting out is sooo helpful, my DD's behaviour is usually better out and about, and now that my baby is coming up to 4 months he is more interested in the outside world and doesn't really feed much out and about so I don't get stuck feeding him outside much. We go to a playgroup type thing each morning I have them both. The afternoons are LONG and involve a lot of telly and films, but at least we've been out in the morning.

Having said all that, DD has now started running off ahead of me and being dangerous by busy roads/refusing to hold my hand which is making me anxious about taking her out. We do have a buggy board which I use on the long walks so I might have to cart her around more on that if she's not walking nicely. Also see if I can dig her reins backpack out the loft (never envisioned having to start using them again when she's over 3.5...!).

How is everyone's week going?

We have had a pretty awful day today, constantly trying to punch the baby

My DS is older now - 16 months - but when he was 3/4 months my DD (3yrs) definitely had an awful phase, the only thing that worked was I would always play with her doing whatever she wanted for the duration of DS’s first nap (obv doesnt work so easily if baby only naps on you!) and then that would improve her behaviour all day. Then the moment DS woke up I would get them both out. The house was an absolute sh*t tip but that was better than DD driving me mad.
@SecondhandTable one of my aunts asked me if I couldnt just ask DD to sit down quietly for once. Oh how helpful that will definitely work
I think will get easier as well when the weather is better and its easier to get them out to burn off some energy.

Hope you have a better day today @Fawn68.