shall I insist ds has babysitter despite all the crying and hysterics?

[brimfull]

or shall I take him with us to friends for dinner and put him to bed there.

He usually has dd as babysitter and lately has become hysterical at the mention of having someone else.

Am I being cruel if I just make him stay with babysitter?

He is 5yrs

You're probably being cruel to the babysitter ...

If it was me I wouldn't leave him with someone he wasn't happy with.

I think it's any babysitter,not that he's afraid of them,he's known them forever.Think it's just being shy.
Used to be fine

If you take him to your friends' place, will he go to sleep without much fuss, or be up and down stairs all night?

Can you bribe him to stay with the babysitter - what about staying up a bit later with a dvd (assuming he won't want to interact with inferior babysitter!) or that you'll phone him at bedtime?

You can reassure him as much as poss about where you'll be and when you'll be back. Is there anything particular he's worried about - like waking up and you won't be there, you crashing the car on the way home?

lol at CSB

will try bribery tomorrow

he will want to be in bed when babysitter comes so he doesn't have to talk

I found that 5 or 6 was the age that they didn't want to be left with a babysitter. If you are happy with the baby sitter and trust them and they have a good relationship with child then leave him. I explained that ds had his friends and it was only fair that mummy had her friends.The stage passed, but if you never leave him with anyone you are setting up problems later on.

wonder if he'll grow out of it.

hate the thought of him all shy and scared upstairs

will phone friend and take him I think.

Threaten him with something awful if he is a pain.

I am a wimp

The important thing is to have a babysitter that you trust completely and make sure that you get them together when you are there so that you know they get on. Once you have done that you need to discuss it (not just at the point of going out)and leave him with the babysitter.At 5 he is quite sweet and friend probably won't mind but it will not be as easy when he is 10 or 12 and will stay awake.

I would work on leaving him with a babysitter, you need some space sometimes and as my sd used to say "you don't always get what you want" AND "the whole world doesnt revolve around you", sometimes we all have to do things we'd rather not in life no matter what our age if you always give him what he wants he will start to expect it and won't cope very well when things don't go his way better to teach him from a young age about compromise. Say what would make him feel better about it, sweets, being in bed when babysitter comes etc.

How well do you know babysitter? If they come for a bit before you go, while you're getting ready perhap[s she can entertain him and he'll get over his shyness before you leave, ok he will probably kick off when you go but thats normal and he'll be fine when he realises you'll be back soon. you can always get her to txt or call when he's settled.

I think at age five a child is old enough to understand that parents need their own time. They are equally mature enough to manipulate a situation they dislike. Your DS' reaction sounds like this to me.

My DS did this for a while - he hated the fact that he might "miss out". I believe it is really, really important that children grow up with a healthy respect for their parents' relationship.

Personally I would go out and leave him with the sitter.

I have noticed with other people's children that 5 or 6 is the age that they don't like you going out in the evening without them. As long as they are secure and loved and you are happy with the babysitter then you need to go.It is the easy option to go when they are asleep and not tell them but it is only a short term solution-it is much better that they know and they will then get comfortable with it. I have a single parent friend who never went out for this reason!

I agree with dejags and AbbeyA. A child of 5 is old enough to understand that you need friends, and also old enough to be able to kick off and make your life difficult simply because he's not getting exactly what he wants. As long as you are happy and trust the babysitter, there is no reason why you shouldnt go out. Look on it as an experience which will actually be POSITIVE for your ds in the longer term. As he is naturally shy, he needs to have situtions created for him to help him learn to interact with others - his natural tendency will be to avoid them. So, you're doing him a favour by helping him realise that you need friends too, and that he can cope perfectly well being left with a babysitter for one evening.

I agree with inthegutter, you are doing a favour to a shy child to leave him with a babysitter, you are not helping him at all to have him totally dependent on you. The answer is to get a babysitter that you have total confidence in, if necessary invite them round a few times first while you are there and play some games together.In the end my DS enjoyed a babysitter as he would get chance to play a card game, read a story or something before he went to sleep.